Dr. Ruth's Sex Advice for Single Women

Dr. Ruth's Sex Advice for Single Women

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First of all, I'm so glad that after the last few weeks of celebrity death after celebrity death, Dr. Ruth is still alive and kicking. Secondly, I love that she promotes vibrators for older women whose husbands may predecease them.

However, I have to quibble with her statement that if you can't come without a vibrator, you have a problem: if you can come at all, you don't have a problem. If you have a partner who gets pissy if you come with a vibrator, your partner has a problem.

Buy these condoms. No, really.

It's been a long time since the last time I directed readers to purchase condoms (Kimono Type E, I still love you). But if you're in the market for condoms (and I hope you are), you need to try Crown. They're Japanese, they're even thinner than Kimonos, and they're tinted pink so they blend into the skin pretty well. I'm serious--go buy some and use them on a penis near you.

How do you buy "My First Vibrator" when it's not for you?

The SaSi, exclusively at Babeland

Dear Go-To Girl,

My sister has never used a vibrator---can you believe that??? She will not insert anything so I think she just needs something to stimulate her clitoris. But nothing wimpy----- I want it to be mind blowing!!! Thanks for your help!!!

Jackie

Dear Jackie,

What a great sister you are! I love my siblings but I don't think even I would ever buy any of them sex toys--I think they would probably disown me.

For clitoral stimulation, you have a couple of options. The most basic and inexpensive is a bullet-style vibrator, which is held in the hand. The Bnaughty is small and has a "velvet" plastic texture, which means it will provide some friction against the skin of the vulva and clitoris, which is key. Bnaughty features multiple speeds and isn't too loud, which is an important feature for women trying out their first vibe who might be nervous about kids or housemates hearing their toy.

The heavy artillery comes in the form of the Hitachi Magic Wand, which will reliably take most women from zero to orgasm in about 60 seconds. The Hitachi is legendary--Samantha famously burned through one on "Sex and the City"--but it's neither delicate in its touch nor low in decibel level. But the Magic Wand has a very loyal user base because it always does the trick. It also plugs into the wall so your sister will never need to buy batteries.

For the clit-stim connoisseur, the Nea by Lelo is a small, handheld vibrator that is rechargeable. It has a slight curve which makes it easy to be in contact with the clit without making your hand too tired. Made out of hard plastic, this toy will glide over your girl parts with ease. Small enough to be used during sex with a partner, too.

Another idea, though it's not technically a vibrator, is the super-luxe SaSi from Babeland. I don't normally recommend toys I haven't tried myself, but this one seems so cool that I don't want to leave it out. The SaSi has small beads inside that are meant to replicate the feeling of a tongue on your clit. Sounds good to me.

Here's a video explaining how it works:


Good luck! And if you order through any of the links in this post, Babeland gives me 20% of the purchase price for sending business their way.

Love,
Go-To Girl

Back From Vacation: Hello, Syphilis!

One of the campaign's comic strips.

Don't worry mom and dad, I don't have syphilis. However, syphilis is my favorite sexually transmitted infection, mostly because I love the words associated with it (syphilitic, chancre, tertiary) and I also love that anybody who's anybody in history who didn't die violently in armed conflict probably died of syphilis.

Syphilis has been on the rise for a while now in states as varied as Michigan and Vermont, and its made a huge comeback in cities like Houston and New York. According to my sources at the Austin Travis County Department of Health and Human Services STD Prevention Program, the syph is also on the rise here in Austin.

So I was overjoyed when reading Babeland's blog to discover that the San Francisco Department of Public Health has refreshed their Healthy Penis campaign devoted to identifying syphilis in gay men. Part of me has a hard time imagining gay men in San Francisco being persuaded to do anything by these cartoons but apparently the campaign has been a success.

Public sexual health efforts in San Francisco sometimes, if we're lucky, trickle down to the rest of the country so while I don't envision plush penises walking around Texas promoting STI testing, maybe San Francisco's cheeky, sex positive approach will have some effect on programs here. Here's an example: the Houston Department of Health and Human Services website--which contains no photos of genitalia or cartoon penises--displays the following warning at the bottom of the page:

This site contains HIV prevention messages that may not be appropriate for all audiences. Since HIV is spread primarily through sexual practices or by sharing needles, prevention messages on this site may address these topics. HIV prevention materials funded by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) must be approved by local materials review panels. If you are not seeking such information or may be offended by such materials, please exit this website.

Gotta love Texas.


*For an interesting (but old) powerpoint on the history of syphilis, click here.

This Ain't Your Mother's Rhythm Method

image from cyclebeads.com

While under normal circumstances people who report using "natural family planning" are about as close to my heart as college students who report using "withdrawal," I've become a fan as of late of the Cycle Beads, which are a method of "natural" family planning developed by the Institute for Reproductive Health at Georgetown University. The Cycle Beads, based on the Standard Days Method, are a string of 32 differently-colored beads that represent the different stages of the menstrual cycle and when sex is likely and unlikely to result in pregnancy.

Previously, effectively using natural family planning required a lot of hassle like repeated daily temperature taking, examination of vaginal mucus, etc. For people who weren't able to keep up with the demands and accurately determine on which days they were actually at risk so they could avoid sex, natural family planning had a really high rate of accidental pregnancy.

Cycle Beads take a lot of the risk of idiocy out of the method by making it really, really easy for users to figure out when they are likely to get pregnant so they can avoid sex or use condoms on those days. The beads are cheap, too--you can buy them online for about $10-12 and they never expire or run out. There aren't any side effects, either--no loss of sex drive, no moodiness, no weight gain--but you must use condoms or not have sex on the days the beads say you're at risk or else you may have the biggest side effect of all: pregnancy.

When used consistently and correctly, Cycle Beads/Standard Days Method was found to be 95% effective at preventing pregnancy. You can read the scholarly articles here. Obviously, you must have a regular menstrual cycle for any method of natural family planning to work, but if you do then Cycle Beads are worth a shot. They can also be used by those who are trying to get pregnant.

If you want to learn more or figure out if Cycle Beads are right for you, their website has a handy screening tool you can try.

Time to Check-In with R. Kelly

picture via Entertainment Weekly

I realize that few (read: none) of my readers share my appreciation (read: obsession) for R. Kelly but it's been so long since I've heard anything about my old pal that I clicked his name into Google News to see what's going on in Kells' world.

He's selling his bar on Craigslist, for one, so things can't be that great. I don't know about you, but when I hear Kelly sing about stepping up out the club with 2 chicks that both got dizzy heads and legs, taking them home to pop some bub (read: champagne) and puff some dro, I don't picture it happening near this weird Looney Tunes bar.

Maybe he's just doing some renovations to his crib, but I hope this doesn't indicate bad financial times for Kells.

By the way, if you still haven't seen "Trapped in the Closet," you should watch it right now. There are new chapters set to drop this summer so it might be time for everyone to enjoy a retrospective. Before things get real freaky.

More Evidence Antidepressants are Bad

Image from time.com

I'm well known for being an antidepressant hater because of their well-documented effects on sexual desire and orgasm. I should note that the debate continues about whether antidepressants are at fault in all cases or whether those taking them had low desire to begin with, since many times decreased desire for sex is a symptom of depression itself. Whatever.

I'm less well known as an alumnae of Mr. Jefferson's University (aka the University of Virginia) and occasionally read the lame alumni magazine they send me. So imagine my surprise when I read this article in the new issue, which had this to say:

"Biological anthropologist Helen Fisher of Rutgers University and U.Va. psychiatrist James Thomson (Med '74) theorize that the possibility of love itself is blunted by SSRIs (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors), the most common type of antidepressants. They say they've seen evidence that antidepressants alter brain chemistry in a way that reduces the chance a person can fall in love or feel strong romantic attachment."

This is big, I think--while there are patients for whom antidepressants are absolutely necessary, as someone who has been the romantic partner of someone taking these drugs, this speaks to my experience to a certain extent. So we can add "inability to fall in love" to the list of reasons taking antidepressants might not actually be a good way to treat depression. But this is a challenge to Science to figure out how to treat medical conditions in a way that doesn't turn people into feelingsless robots. Prescribing physicians (especially psychiatrists) need to be forthcoming with patients about sexual side effects and understand that, for some patients, these effects are totally intolerable. But that's another post.