Thursday, September 07, 2006

Monogamophobia? Here's the cure

So everyone should read Tristan Taormino's biweekly column, "Pucker Up," in the Village Voice. But this week is especially interesting. (,taormino,74336,24.html) Apparently there's a website,, that's a dating site exclusively for married people. I'm not married, but I have strong feelings about this that go in both directions.
On the "Pro" side, I think that if married people want to have sex with someone besides their partner, they oughta just do it. Monogamy can be totally boring, and can be wholly independent from a successful marriage/relationship.
On the "Con" side, most married people who have sex outside of marriage do so without their partner's knowledge, which makes it cheating.
On the "Ew" side, I've never met a swinger or a poly person who I didn't find totally creepy. What we need are some good open marriage, swinging, polyamorous role models.
While I'm generally in favor of honesty and full-disclosure, the libido-dampening effects of honesty and full-disclosure are well-documented. If what makes cheating hot is that it's cheating, why tell? So, I'm conflicted about this. I'm not a cheater, but, like I said, I'm not married.

For more: (Tristan's site)

1 comment:

Gavin said...

Funny - I know plenty of poly people who aren't creepy. Don't know that I know any swingers (which may just be an indication that all the swingers I know don't feel comfortable letting on around me - certainly I think that's why some people "don't know any gay folks").