Friday, February 20, 2009

It's Friday! Morning boners, Eskimo tacos, and fake threesome fantasies

My sincerest apologies, dear readers, for being MIA the last few weeks. My day job gets tremendously busy around Valentine's Day so Go-To Girl has been busy busy. But I'm back, en force!

Three of you submitted questions this week so here they are.

This video features hedgehogs singing about some of the weirder vag-names I've ever heard. Prepare to laugh in pain.

Dear GTG,
A random conversation about eskimos led my boyfriend to proclaim that he could come up with 100 different names for vagina. Well, he only made it to 18 (and one of them was 'taco'). Are there 100 different names?
Sandy Chronic

Dear Sandy,
With almost 8 billion people in the world surely someone, somewhere, has had time to put together a list of more than 100 words for vagina. And Eureka! That someone is the late, great George Carlin. Here's a link to his full list.
I couldn't independently verify that George Carlin actually came up with this list, but it's attributed to him. Here are some of the ones I actually hadn't heard:
Ace of Spades
Girl Street
Love Sponge
Venus Highway
That oughta be enough to keep your dirty talk engine going for a while.

I love it when you drive down my Girl Street,
Go-To Girl

Dear GTG,
Morning boners are hard to ignore. Sometimes I want to play with it, but mostly I want to brush my teeth and wake up first. What is the proper morning wood etiquette? If there is there such a thing, I know you know. And can you answer by tomorrow morning?
Thanks go to girl, you are my hero!

Dear Mona,
I'm assuming from your letter that you're sleeping with someone who has a morning boner and that you yourself don't have one, so that's how I'm going to proceed. I've never heard of any general etiquette for how to handle the wakeup hard-on, but you can certainly ask this penis-owner you're waking up with what he'd like you to do. If he wakes up giving you a "See that? Isn't it big?" look, you should oblige him from time to time. But if not, rest assured that morning boners are mostly an unconscious body function and not an indication of I-want-to-fuckness, so you're not rejecting the friendly neighborhood erection if you get up and brush your teeth.

Squeeze my love sponge,

I am going crazy !! I really want my wife to do more with me. She has never given me a blow job, at least a complete one and I need that sooooo bad. But right now, I am dealing with wanting to actually engage in a sexual fantasy but am afraid of getting caught or hurting my marriage. Maybe at best I can get some feed back as to whether any other women would like my fantasy. It begins with two girls and myself. I want to watch the girls engage in 69 for a while, then I will join in by giving the girl on top a really good ass licking. From there we will exchange places as it goes on with everyone getting a turn at being on top, being on the bottom and being the one eating ass. The exchange where I will be on top, having my dick in a girls mouth and another licking my asshole is just too much for me. See, I am going crazy !!!
What do you think ??

Dear E.C.,
One of the giveaways that a letter is fake is when you can practically see the cum shot at the end of an email. But really? Your wife hasn't ever given you a blow job and you want to spring this totally porno fantasy on her? Good luck. If I were you, I'd check out one of the 10,000,000 threesome pornos out there.

You don't have a license to drive on my girl highway,


Anonymous said...

you ARE my hero!

mary said...

Sir Muffenstein. that's a keeper!

mary lingwall said...

that video just creeped me out. "gash"? what great imagery?