Wednesday, July 15, 2009

iPhone App FAIL:
Purity Ring


From the archives of You've Got to Be Fucking Kidding Me, Island Wall Entertainment has just released an iPhone App called, I kid you not, Purity Ring. This "application" has all the ineffective, boring bells and whistles of church-based purity pledge cards, but without all that annoying standing up in front of a group of your peers and signing the paper nonsense.

You can take the pledge by merely listening to some audio on your iPhone, and then confirm that you really, really mean it. Then you receive the ultimate gift of a super classy "Timeless Digital Spinning Purity Ring" which will probably infect your iPhone long past the time you've given up your virgin ass to that guy from youth group.
From the company's press release to Christian News Wire,

"The App has a built in pledge for both [!] genders that contains a pre-recorded pledge that...Island Wall Entertainment believe[s] will compliment existing pledges and traditional Purity Rings whilst potentially reaching a completely new international demographic and spreading the word of benefits of staying pure until marriage."
What are those benefits, exactly? Oh right...

You can even send your "pledge" to that guy from youth group that you want to bang, since everyone knows that the people who really go in for this stuff are horny, unsatisfied Christian teenagers who manage to get more tail than anyone.
And in case you're wondering what other apps Island Wall Entertainment has come up with, here you go.

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