Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Plan B: I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!

Finally, after years of scientific consensus* that the drug provided no major risks for women under the age of 18 and should be available over the counter, the new Plan B One Step should hit pharmacy shelves soon.

A new generic version of Plan B--hilariously called "Next Choice"--will also be available soon, except for some ridiculous reason it's by prescription only. Here's a helpful step-by-step to demonstrate why this landscape of EC is insane.

Step 1: Uh oh! You got drunk at that party at Fiji house after the football game and had unprotected sex.

Step 2: Some girl you know tells you about this pill you can take after you have sex to make you not get pregnant.

Step 3: Sunday morning rolls around and you walk-of-shame to the nearest pharmacy where you work up the nerve to ask the 17 year old working the register for the "morning after pill."

Step 4: "Which one?" The 17 year old asks. "Uhh..." you respond.

Step 5: The kid says, "There's regular Plan B, which is 2 pills and costs $xx, Plan B One Step that's one pill and costs $50, and the generic called Next Choice which costs $xx. If you want to use your insurance, you have to get the generic."

Step 6: You turn around and see a line of customers behind you and, red-faced, you leave the store so you can call 1-800-Not-2-Late and figure out what the fuck this kid is talking about.

Step 7: It's too late to take emergency contraception now...guess it's babytime for you!

*I mean among people who are actual scientists.


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