This is Go-To Girl

How to Have Sex in Texas

2010-03-29T20:56:00.001-07:00

Hey gang-
Some of you may know that I've transitioned to a new blog called "How to Have Sex in Texas." I hope you'll check it out! You can still email me with questions for Go-To Girl at thisisgotogirl@gmail.com. You can also follow me on Twitter @missjuliesunday.
Thanks y'all!

Jimmy Kimmell and Tracy Morgan Hate on T-Pain, Kells

2010-03-11T09:24:00.001-08:00

Oh, dang.

Tracy Morgan apparently has a pregnant woman fetish--and a desire to have his ass kicked by R. Kelly because he and Jimmy Kimmel have collaborated on "Impregn8ed," a clear mockery of "Pregnant" and T-Pain's autotune stylings. This aggression cannot stand, man.

How to Have Sex in Texas: The War on Straight's Rights in Amarillo

2010-03-02T09:59:00.000-08:00

Seriously? Yup.

A blockbuster of a story came out last week in the Texas Observer about a radical Christian terrorist group, Repent Amarillo, that has successfully shut down a swinger's club and is on the warpath to do more damage to anyone not considered a member of God's "Special Forces."

The group's website looks an awful lot like GoArmy.com and is clearly trying to hook in disaffected, bored young men who need something "manly" to do in their spare time. This sounds an awful lot like Taliban recruitment, to me, and their mission statement about being "warriors" couldn't be more clear:

Repent Amarillo is comprised of two groups blended together, working together, to compliment and support one another for the purpose of spiritual warfare. They are;

1. Intercessory prayer group...
2. The Soldier group. The soldier group will consist of warriors dedicated to witnessing to groups of unbelievers or one-on-one witnessing. This group will be more visible to the public and will be comprised of bold believers willing to confront the world. This group will be schooled in the “Way of the Master” method of witnessing to the lost. This group will be the ones who plant God’s seeds in the ground that has been prepared by the intercessory prayer group. Believers who participate in this group will have to be bold but loving. Confrontational but composed. The individual members of these two groups are allowed and highly encouraged to move between the two groups based on the individual’s calling and the unique mission involved. In other words, no one is stuck to only one group. Soldiers can pray and intercessory members can witness.

It was members of this "soldier" group that confronted, harassed, and smeared members of the Amarillo swinger's club, employing such apparently "Christian" tactics as posting names, employers, and license plate numbers of club attenders online, resulting in lost jobs and social ostracism--which, I guess, was the point--for several members.

The swinger's club has been shut down, but Repent Amarillo won't stop there--their website has a map featuring their local targets.

Repent Amarillo's "Prayer Map" of objectionable churches, parks, and businesses

Repent also gives a preview of the kinds of events they find objectionable and predict they will show up to and "witness":

1. Gay pride events.
2. Earth worship events such as “Earth Day”
3. Pro-abortion events or places such as Planned Parenthood
4. Breast cancer events such as “Race for the Cure” to illuminate the link between abortion and breast cancer.
5. Opening day of public schools to reach out to students.
6. Spring break events.
7. Demonically based concerts.
8. Halloween events.
9. Other events that may arise that the ministry feels called to confront.

and:

1. Sexually oriented businesses such as pornography shops, strip joints, and XXX-rated theaters.
2. Idolatry locations such as palm readers, false religions, and witchcraft. Many of the smaller missions listed above may be just prayer oriented missions for tearing down demonic strongholds or they may involve more aggressive use of soldiers and prayer warriors.

That doesn't leave much to do in Amarillo except for...church. But not St. Andrew's Episcopal Church, which is described thusly on their "warfare map":

Referred to on OUTstanding Amarillo's ( Homosexual activists) website as a "gay friendly" church. In other words, they do not tell homosexuals who attend this church that they must repent of the sin of homosexuality. This a serious violation of scripture.

And not First Church of Christ, Scientist, the Unitarian Church, the First Church of Practical Christianity, the Metropolitan Community Church, or the Islamic Center of Amarillo. They don't even like the Masons.

Live in Texas? Want to stand up for your right to not be chased around by a bunch of Christian terrorists? Join the Facebook group. But don't try to go to the Route 66 Swinger's Club in Amarillo, because it's been shut down. Their website now carries the message below.

How to Have Sex in Texas: All Roads Lead to Douchetown

2010-03-01T06:22:00.000-08:00

The Texas Primaries: Queerer than a... ROT $3 bill?

The Austin-American Statesman reported Sunday that both major Republican candidates for guv'na in Texas, epic asshat Rick Perry and "I am pro-life, I de-clayire!" Kay Bailey Hutchison, attended a fundraiser for the Prestonwood [crisis] Pregnancy Center in Dallas yesterday honoring the decade's finest Texas douchebag, George W. Bush.

According to an outline of his remarks provided before the benefit, Perry said, "I feel like I am in the garrison of an army that has devoted itself to the defense of the unborn."
His remarks also thanked Bush. "There is no way to tell how many lives were protected by your fearless pro-life efforts," Perry's speech said.

Hmm...is that army also prepared to, I dunno, secede from the United States, Governor Perry? And equal time for Hutchison, who went to services yesterday at Lakewood with my secret church crush Joel Osteen:

Hutchison has voiced support for Roe v. Wade, but she has sought to find common ground with its opponents in other ways.

In a mailing she sent to some voters, Hutchison touted her high lifetime rating from National Right to Life and votes against federal funding of abortion and against the late-term procedure known as partial-birth abortion.

The primary is officially tomorrow (Texas Independence Day!) so it's your last chance to vote for KBH and ruin Perry's chances of further fucking up Texas.

Q: Am I too short for doggy style? A: Heads down, pencils up.

2010-02-22T18:52:00.000-08:00

Doggy-Style Height Disparity? Heads down, pencils up. (Cosmo)

Dear Julie,

I love getting fucked from behind, it's my all time fav position. Problem is, I'm 5 feet tall and my current partner is pushing 6 feet. So unless there's something (a bench or bed at perfect height for example) for me to "prop" myself up on, we find it hard to make it happen. We love switching up location as much as possible so we don't always have the right equipment. Any advice???

Kitty

Dear Kitty,

Aren't you lucky that there is a manufacturer making products designed for this type of dilemma: Liberator. The Ramp is designed for just your purpose--and it can be used for other positions to boot. Check out the extensive videos on the website if you need some inspiration. At $145 it's pricey for a pillow, but a good investment for a petite lady who likes it from behind.

If you don't have that much cash to blow on a piece of sex furniture, you may just need to get creative in your locations: find shelves, chairs, high heels, phone books, end tables, desks, counters, and more to get your legs to be as long as your boyfriend's.

Additionally, there are other ways to have sex from behind besides standing up; you can put your head on the floor, on the bed, on the desk, the stairs, whatever happens to be available. Give it a shot. And this one, too. And in case you like a little dose of Disney in your lovin:

The "Magic Mountain" (Cosmo)

You can get the sensation of sex from behind at a variety of angles--remember also that you can sit on top of your man, facing his feet, and whatever he's hitting inside you from behind will get stimulated that way as well.

In case none of these tricks work, here's Cosmo's best advice for attracting hot dudes "like crazy"--maybe you can find someone closer to your own height.

Good luck!

Julie

Public Health Is So Hot Right Now: Helping Men Find the "Right Size" Condom

2010-02-16T06:30:00.000-08:00

photo credit

A new study by researchers at the Kinsey Institute has blown the lid off of a big secret: many men find condoms uncomfortable and among those who report a "bad fit," errors are significantly more common. The study has gotten tons of media coverage by people who, as usual, only read the abstract.

The outcomes that were significantly more likely with "ill fit" were:

breakage

slippage

difficulty orgasming (both partners)

irratated the penis

reduced pleasure (both partners)

interference with erection

lost erection

gave up and removed condom

condom dried out during sex

How to fix these problems? The researchers suggest that

"men and their female sex partners may benefit from public health efforts designed to promote the improved fit of condoms." (p. 37)

I couldn't agree more! That has got to be the best job in public health since, well, my job. Where do I apply?

Seriously though, the most interesting thing from this paper was the following quote: "

Although "fit" may be very important to men, the effect of ill-fitting condoms on penile erection and on the experience of penile-vaginal sex has not previously been investigated." (p. 36)

Jesus H ! If I've said it once I've said it a million times: when you do research and design products and programs you must consider the essential question:

What about the fucking?

If your intervention interferes with the sexual pleasure of the people you hope will use it then your intervention/product/program will fail. I'm glad the Kinsey Institute is finally starting to realize that sexual pleasure is significantly related to the likelihood people will change their behavior when, you know, they're having sex.

If you need a bigger condom, go find one. But don't think the Magnum is the only option--it may be huge (and I do love the gold wrapper) but it is thick as a damn paper bag and nobody feels anything through them. Try Crown instead.

You can see the abstract here.

Durex Ad Fail

2010-02-12T06:49:00.001-08:00

Ordinarily I love Durex ads, especially the cheeky way they promote condom use for oral sex in the commercial below, something that Europeans do but Americans do not.

But this latest set of ads, as featured on the Sexist, are kind of obnoxious.

Haha, a man's brain is in his penis, and haha, when they're getting a blowjob the rest of their body systems read "FATAL ERROR." I get it. I wont' argue with the fatal error part, but I think it's a stretch to claim that wisdom, intelligence, judgment, and knowledge ever come out of the penis, even during the best of blow jobs.

I know Durex is trying to demonstrate how the fruity flavor of their condoms will overwhelm the senses of the blowjob-giver but wouldn't it be more specific, like "strawberry" or "banana"? I don't often eat a piece of fruit and think..."Mmm....fruit."

Also: "satisfied...contented...happy...pleased"? Really? I think a woman might feel that way after the blowjob is over but during? I doubt it.

This is more like it:

Q: Boyfriend Into Anal; Do I Need Enemas? A: No

2010-02-08T11:24:00.000-08:00

The anal douche from Babeland

Dear Julie,

I'm seeing this guy who is really into anal, which I've really never done before. He's squeamish, though (kind of ironic) and wants me to, basically, give myself frequent enemas. I know that the colon is a pretty delicate ecosystem, and I'm concerned about ending up with IBS or something horrible like that. Is there something I can use that'll get the job done without damaging my intestines? Is it even reasonable for him to ask me to do this more than every couple weeks?Again, thanks so much. I've talked to a bunch of my friends about this and they really don't know what to tell me.

Stephanie

Dear Stephanie,

Is your boyfriend actually into anal or is he just butt-curious? Because most people, once they get over their initial foray or two into backdoor action they realize that anal play is not really that messy and enemas aren't necessary.

Tristan Taormino, the authoritative expert on anal sex for women, says that enemas aren't necessary for relatively clean anal sex. She says "a nice warm and soapy shower or bath and a bowel movement before anal sex gets [you] pretty clean."

A lot of anal sex newbies are nervous about what they might find down there but you can assuage your fears by incorporating anal play into masturbation a few times to give yourself a sense of what your rectum is like on an average day. That will give you some insight into how you feel about having something in your anus and also make you more able to check-in with your body when butt play is on the table with you and your partner. I'd also highly recommend using a butt plug for a while before acutally trying anal sex with your guy's penis--there is a world of difference between, say, one finger and a grown man's cock.

If you decide that you do want to do enemas (or if your boyfriend absolutely insists on it), here's Tristan's advice:

If you're having an enema in preparation for anal sex, you should do it at least 2-3 hours prior to the sex to give your body a chance to reabsorb water and recover. Contrary to my little story about the thirteen enemas, it's not a good idea to have enemas too frequently. They tend to stress out your rectum and too much of this evacuation can really throw your rectum, bowels and gastrointestinal tract off balance.

At first, you probably also want to do an anal douche, not a real enema. An anal douche just rinses out the rectum whereas an enema actually goes up into the colon. Babeland sells a high quality anal douche for just $20 (see picture above). A real enema kit (which has a big rubber bag, tubing, and more) can be purchased at drugstore.com.

Another possibility is that your boyfriend is actually into enemas themselves, which is something you'll definitely want to explore further on Tristan's site. Don't start doing frequent, serious enemas without reading up.

Tristan's book The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women is a must and it has a whole chapter on enemas. I highly recommend buying it along with a good butt plug and some thick lube.

Good luck!

Julie

PS-You can read my classic article, "10 Steps to a Successful Anal Encounter," here.

Friday Q & A: To Bareback or Not to Bareback?

2010-02-04T19:35:00.000-08:00

The cure for what ails you: the condom pocket boxer.

Dear Ms. Sunday,

I had an interesting week. I met a woman online and went out for drinks with her. We hit it off just fine and had sex into the wee hours. I wasn't prepared for it, condom-wise, mostly because I didn't think it would get that far on a second date. We were ready to go for round two, and she informed me that she did not have another condom. She informed me that she was clean and had an IUD so pregnancy seemed out of range. She told me she had been tested after her last sexual partner and was good to go.

I couldn't let myself have unprotected sex with someone I had just met. It ended up fine because she rummaged around and found a condom. Now, I'm not looking for a pat on the head for being responsible or a wag of the finger for not doing my male duty and having my own protection (I'll be ready next time). I am wondering how do you decide when/if to have unprotected sex with someone?

Also, what about oral sex? I've never been given oral with a condom on, nor have I ever gone down on a woman using a dental dam, yet these 'naked' activities seem to be just as risky. Why does it feel differently in my mind, and should it?

Thanks,

Scott

Dear Scott,

If I had a dollar for every guy who told me "Nah, I didn't use a condom because she was on the pill/ring/IUD/her period/whatever" I would be rich enough to buy them all Valtrex. When I talk to college students about using condoms, I always tell them that the first step to successful condom use is having a fucking condom. And better yet, have two or three, because what if one breaks and, really, who only wants to have sex once?

Since I have approximately 1,500 condoms laying around my apartment I can't imagine what it's like to really only have just one condom--what a terrible thought. If I were you, I would get a few dozen condoms and distribute them to all of your wallets, backpacks, man-purses, tighty-whities, and whatever else you regularly wear that has pockets just in case. When someone is playing with your junk, you're in a state I like to call under the fuckluence and your judgment is severely impaired by your body's desire for sex.

Maybe this woman really did get a negative test recently and is totally clean and if she really does have an IUD, she's at insanely low risk of pregnancy but on a second date, that's a lot of "if"s to be fucking under. Too many ifs, in my opinon, for a second date.

As far as oral sex goes, nobody actually uses condoms or dental dams. We sex educators tell people that they should but I have literally never met anyone who will cop to using either one for going down. Is that risky? You bet--every woman I know who has genital herpes got it from a dude who had cold sores on his mouth. So you're right that there is risk there but, for some reason, in our culture latex does not go in the mouth.

In sum, when negotiating condomless sex with a new partner, there are three things that need to be dealt with: STI risk, pregnancy prevention method, and "what if pregnancy?" STI risk can be assessed with testing and treatment, birth control method is relatively straightforward (but you have to be sure that, if she's in charge of it, that she's using it correctly), and the pregnancy conversation is key--if you are 100% sure you don't want to have a child with this person and she is 100% sure she couldn't have an abortion, you may need to reconsider. Or look forward to 2028.

Love,
GTG

Sportsheets WIN: Sex in the Shower!

2010-02-03T10:49:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the boring image of the suction handle but the rest of the photos were totally NSFW.

I've been meaning to check out Sex Is, the new sex mag published by the webstore Eden Fantasys. I got the first issue wrapped up with the latest Bust and finally got around to reading it yesterday. In the web version of the mag is an interview with Tom Stewart, founder of Sportsheets, maker of a wide variety of totally awesome products.

Sportsheets had me at Velvet Harness and I've recommended their Under the Bed Restraints to several people and even purchased them as a wedding gift (Hi J & B!).

After solving the age old problems of "I'm not into rope bondage but I want to restrain my partner" and "I want to strap on but I'm not into leather" the retired Marine and Navy Commander turned his attention to the tremendous obstacle that is sex in the shower. Who hasn't broken a soapdish or been disappointed to learn that, unlike frogs, human hands do not stick to wet surfaces?

I haven't seen the new Sex in the Shower line in person but I'm intrigued. Stewart has a sense of humor about his work, too:

"Have you had sex in the shower?” “How successful have you been at having satisfying sex in the shower?” I can answer these questions for you because the answers are universal – YES and NOT VERY. Yes, because 85% of all people surveyed have had sex in the shower and less than 5% of them rated it successful."

So true. Sportsheets has devised methods to avoid breaking your soapdish or faucet by trying to prop up a leg on it: they've made suction cup handles and foot rests. Genius!

Annals of Obvious: Abstinence Programs Prevent Sex In Teens Too Young to Have Sex Anyway

2010-02-02T13:02:00.001-08:00

File this under You've got to be fucking kidding me: This week's hulabaloo about a supposedly effective abstinence program demonstrates, yet again, how loath reporters are to read beyond an article abstract. I can't believe that after the Guttmacher data came out last week about the increase in teen pregnancy during the Bush years that anyone is even still fucking testing abstinence programs.

But I digress. Researchers at Penn and the University of Waterloo (Canada) this week published an article in the Archives of Pediatric and Adolescent Medicine demonstrating the middling effectiveness of a:

"theory-based abstinence-only intervention that would not meet federal criteria for abstinence programs and that is not vulnerable to many criticisms that have been leveled against interventions that meet federal criteria." (pg. 158)

What was so good about it that it wouldn't meet the brain-exploding federal guidelines? It didn't moralize about how sex will make God hate you and did not disparage the use of condoms (or, presumably, talk about how condoms don't protect your heart).

Perpetual fuddy duddy Sarah Brown, president of the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, had this to say:

"This new study is game-changing. For the first time, there is strong evidence that an abstinence-only intervention can help very young teens delay sex."

Memo to Sarah Brown: All teens are "delaying" sex. Until they have it, that is.

The study randomized more than 600 African American 6th and 7th graders into 5 different intervention groups, two of which were "comprehensive" in their approach, one of which focused only on condom use, one which was abstinence-only, and a control group that focused on other, nonsexual health behaviors.

In short, teens who were in the abstinence-only group were the least likely to have initiated sex in the 24 month follow up period. Of the participants in the safer sex only group, 52% had initiated sex at the end; 33% of the abstinence-only had debuted. Forty two percent of those in the "comprehensive" groups initiated sex by the end. (p. 156) A heartening finding, though, is that roughly 75% of those who had had sex across all intervention groups used condoms consistently. So, that's good news. (ibid)

Since the study's design was a randomized, control trial, in theory it meets the "gold standard" of public health research. However, the length of the programs (4 hours on 2 or 3 Saturdays, for a total of 8 or 12 hours) raises questions about their longer term efficacy: the most effective prengancy prevention programs are years long, after school type interventions that really keep their hooks in teens for a long time.

Study participants were young--6th and 7th graders--and all African American, so the population isn't generalizable. Also, while participants were followed for 24 months following the intervention, the majority of teens don't initiate sex until after 9th grade, which would have been the latest participants would have been followed. The study authors say:

"Unlike many risk behaviors (eg, cigarette smoking, drug use), sexual intercourse is an age-graded behavior; the expectation is that people will eventually have sexual intercourse." (p. 153)

Or, as I am wont to say, teen virginity is like the Titanic: it's going down. Considering the inconsistency which teens may have access to sex, I think the best abstinence vs. comprehensive trial is going to incorporate educational interventions followed by guaranteed access to sex which study participants will either accept or abstain from. I'm not sure how else we could really measure the success of these interventions because some people are, you know, circumstantially abstinent and not avoiding sex by choice. Such teens inflate the success rate of abstinence programs by virtue of their social awkwardness, not because of any effectiveness of the program per se.

I also question the ethical nature of research that discusses STIs, particularly HIV, and fails to provide information to participants about how to prevent infection. That seems a clear violation of the ethical obligation of medical researchers to, at a minimum, provide the currently accepted standard treatment to all participants**.

The researchers say:

"The ideal abstinence intervention would incorporate principles of efficatious HIV/STI risk reduction behavioral interventions." (p. 153)

The only "efficatious HIV/STI risk reduction" method that I know of is USING FUCKING CONDOMS. Teaching teenagers about STIs/HIV and failing to teach them about condoms seems like a clear violation of ethics. Just sayin'.

**Remember Tuskeegee? That was another "study" that enrolled only African American participants and declined to offer them any treatment or prevention just to see what would happen in late stage, untreated syphilis. (Results: it eats your brain) At the time, penicillin was known to cure syphilis and was already in use. After the public outcry when the study came to light in 1972, the Tuskeegee Experiment was the impetus for Institutional Review Boards and ethical standards in human subjects research that mandate that the standard treatment be given to everyone.

Pregnant? Scared? Call me in 2028

2010-01-26T13:17:00.000-08:00

Dear Texas,

See how scary teen pregnancy is? It's like Texas Chainsaw Massacre. But it lasts for 18 YEARS.

Love,

Julie

(The above PSA is from the totally legit Milwaukee-area organization Baby Can Wait which is a program of the United Way of Greater Milwaukee. Their PSA is terrifying but the website is full of actual real information and even provides links to stuff teenager actually need--like legitimate health service providers.)

Your Girlfriend's First Vibrator

2010-01-17T08:08:00.001-08:00

The Babeland Silver Bullet

Hey Julie,

I am having a bit of a dilemma. The girl that I am currently with wants to get a vibrator. I am supportive of the idea but I have some concerns, mostly with the size of the toy. I am worried that if the toy is large it will change the quality of the sex on my side especially because she is a rather small girl.

The purpose of the toy would not be for everyday use but more for those "I need it now" moments. Do you have any recommendations on toys that will provide her with what she is looking for with out causing a noticeable change for me?

Thanks,
Tyler

Hi Tyler-

The "will my girlfriend's vibrator make my dick seem like a baby carrot?" question comes up a lot, and I promise you that no guy I've ever heard of has actually been replaced by a sex toy. Penises don't vibrate, it's true, but vibrators don't have boyfriends attached to them. So don't worry about her preferring her new gadget to yours.

That said, your concern about whether the toy's size will change sex for you (presumably because a big toy could stretch her out) is valid. And no, it won't. Remember, vaginas are designed to accommodate human babies, and not even the most epic size queen wants a sex toy that big.

You don't say if your girlfriend wants a vibrator to use during sex or if she wants one to use when you're not around, but I think a great introductory toy is the bullet. They come in all kinds of varieties, but the basic Silver Bullet costs $15, takes 2 AA batteries, and is perfect for handheld clitoral stimulation either alone or with a partner.

The new Sqweel from Babeland

If your girlfriend is after a totally different form of stimulation, the Sqweel is brand new from Babeland. It's a handheld "wheel" made up of little tongues to simulate oral sex. Probably a little awkward to use during sex but great for those "I need it now" moments she's having. At $59, Sqweel is an affordable way to get a totally novel form of pleasure.

The Delight from Fun Factory

For penetration, the Delight provides vibration, silicone texture, and G-spot stimulation. Plus it's really pretty. Oh, and it's rechargeable, which means there won't be any "I need it now...but I'm all out of batteries" moments. On sale for $99 at Babeland, Delight is pricey for a first timer but Fun Factory toys are high quality and Delight is a great investment. Not having to buy batteries will totally make it pay for itself.

Good luck!
Julie

PS-This is just a little aside to all the guys out there who have this concern: everyone, even your girlfriend, has the right to a solo sex life. For the vast majority of people, masturbation is a completely distinct form of pleasure that won't reduce their desire for their partner. Women who masturbate frequently have been shown to have more orgasms, want sex more with their partners, and be more in touch with what works for them sexually, all of which are good for you, the boyfriend. So everybody wins. That said, if your girlfriend (or wife, or whatever) wants to get a vibrator, it's not really any of your business. Unless you're buying, I'd advise you to sit back and enjoy the ride.

Annals of Obvious: We Can't Prove the G Spot Exists. Who Cares?

2010-01-13T09:35:00.000-08:00

Internal anatomy with G Spot labeled. (credit)

Surely by now everyone has heard the latest gold nugget of research to come out of the UK, which tells us that the G Spot doesn't exist. Or, more accurately, they can't prove that it exists. Nevermind that their research methods didn't include any physiological measurement of any kind, just a mail survey in which they asked women to say whether or not they thought they had a G Spot based on the researcher's definition, and then tell them what kind of orgasms they were having.

The debate over whether the G Spot exists is fundamentally flawed for a number of reasons, but I object to it primarily because there is little reason to believe that some magic pleasure center exists in some women's bodies and not others. My money is on the so-called G Spot actually being the bottom of the urethral sponge, which is why some women find sex with a full bladder intensely pleasurable. Much like a butt plug, a full bladder will take up space inside the pelvis and make any penetration--with a dildo, a penis, fingers, whatever--tighter and different. Some women like it, some women don't. But when you familiarize yourself with internal female anatomy, the idea that there is some magical tissue called the G Spot becomes less and less realistic. What is being stimulated is most likely the bottom of the bladder. We can call it whatever we want, but I really do not believe that any gland (the "female prostate" or anything else) or specific mass of flesh exists.

I like Paul Joannides' perspective on this:

"Over the years, the G Spot has become a major industry, complete with G Spot books, G Spot vibrators, G Spot toys, and G Spot videos...Just so you'll know, the writers at the major women's magazines routinely call the author of the Guide to ask about this spot or that spot--the G Spot, the C Spot or the X-Y-Z Spot. It's never enough for them if he says, 'That might feel good for some women, but not so good for others.' These writers are hell bent to write a story that will sell magazines. It's a rare day when one of them values the idea of a woman exploring for herself and finding what does and doesn't work for her." (The Guide to Getting it On, pgs 79-80)

The vast majority of focus on the G Spot in popular culture is based on women buying things to go in search of it. Can't we just agree that some women come from stimulation type A and some women come from stimulation type B? The debate about anatomy hurts women because it sets up a framework in which some women "have" a G Spot and some women do not. Women need to have sex that is pleasurable for them, period.

Review: "Untitled" by R. Kelly

2010-01-07T08:54:00.001-08:00

Since we last heard from R. Kelly with 2007’s epic “Double Up” the much maligned boyfriend to America’s R&B ladyfans has been acquitted of the charges he faced related to the distribution of child pornography and, at the conclusion of his long-delayed and error-riddled trial, is a free man.

The song that most reviewers have focused on is “Pregnant” (as in, “Girl, you make me wanna get you pregnant”) because, like “Sex Planet” before it, this song leaves the casual R. Kelly listener saying, “Really?” Yes, really. This song reads like a prequel to “Havin’ a Baby” in which Kelly’s woman informs him that she’s pregnant and, since it’s April, that means they’re having a Capricorn.

Regular Kelly fans will remember that he has clarified in other songs (“Leave Your Name”) that there is a qualitative difference from “having sex” and “makin’ a baby,” presumably that “makin’ a baby” doesn’t require the use of condoms. Kells reveals how surprised he is at the seriousness of his feelings: “Tellin’ myself that I’m a player so I keep tryin’ to shake it off/But I keep seein this big old house with a picket fence and a dog.” Aww. Tyrese offers a beautifully sung interlude, promising the girls he can put them in one of his movies (he was in "Transformers," in case you didn't know). Robin Thicke evokes Justin Timberlake with his falsetto promise that if we choose him and “plant this magic seed,” the rest of our life would be “man-drama free.” The Dream gets explicit about contraceptives when he tells us to “put those pills on chill and give me my baby.” And lest we think we might be neglected during our pregnancy, he assuages our fears: “So don’t get it twisted/for thirty-some weeks I’m still gonna hit it.” He thinks pregnant women are sexy, thank god.

Despite the media's predictable focus on "Pregnant," the album features many other better, even more entertaining songs, including the awesome dance jam “Be My #2” in which Kelly invites a woman to be his second girlfriend. Though Kelly is clearly looking for a mistress, the tune goes like a polyamory negotiation and my favorite line is: “Though I love your sex/I can’t/I can’t/I can’t leave her/Though that ass is incredible/I can’t/I can’t/I can’t leave her.” Kelly invites both doubting listeners and hating motherfuckers to see just how many women would love to answer his call when he says “It may sound crazy/To be my second baby/Put your hands up if you/Would like to be my number two.” If we were in the club surely all the hands would go up.

Anyone who listened to “Sweet Tooth” enough times to realize that it was a tribute to eating pussy will be pleased to know that “Untitled” features not one but two songs about going downtown—“Go Low” and “Whole Lotta Kisses.” Just as you look up and think, “Wait, is he talking about…” he clarifies by singing “I wanna kiss you in your private spot.” Interestingly enough, these two songs are the only ones on the album for which Kelly gets the sole writing credit.

“Exit” begs a girl to leave the club with him through, you guessed it, the exit. This is fast becoming my favorite song on the album--the singing is phenomenal.

“Echo” promises “Sex in the morning, sex all day” and invites a girl to come to his place and follow the clues to the bedroom, where Kelly will be “Waiting for you right there baby/I’ll be waiting to (blanked out) like crazy/I hope you’re ready baby to go all day long/ I hope you’re ready to scream and moan like (yodeling).” Who could turn down that offer? Kelly has even already called your boss to tell him you’re not coming in today.

The album highlight is “Text Me.” At first listen I thought Kelly had picked up T-Pain’s bad autotune habit but it turns out he just sings that fucking good. The chorus is “I’m at my home/Sippin’ on Patron/I’m all alone/So baby text it to my phone.” Anyone who has been lured to a booty call’s house via late night erotic texting will hear their experience reflected in the lyrics.

“I’m at my home/Sippin’ on Patron/I’m all alone/So baby text it to my phone.” (I’m home alone and drunk, please come over)

“Hey, how you doin?/Shorty, what you doin?/I don’t got nothin’ to do tonight/So I wanna get with you tonight/Be at my crib at 7/I’ll hit it 7 to 11/and wear that thing I like/and I’ll do that thing you like” (remember that time we had sex for like 2 hours? It’s gonna be like that. But you’ve gotta go at 11 because my girlfriend [number 1] is coming home)

“They’re ain’t nobody in my home/So we can get as freaky as we want” (My roommates aren’t here)

“Text me back somethin’ freaky/Let me know how you wanna do me/I'm glad you like that kinky shit too” (If you won’t come over will you at least send me dirty texts I can jerk off to?)

“I’m on that booty call/I’m on that booty call/I’m on that booty call” (no really, if you get a “What are you doin?” text at night, it’s a booty call)

The only song I don’t like is the auto-tuney “Crazy Night” during which R. City obnoxiously reveals his intentions to, after a week, “delete her/because girl you are not a keeper.” Somebody ought to tell him that you don’t win the game when you show the other team your playbook.

“Untitled” is simply a love record. Kelly is pretty much in love with every girl he sees and doesn’t bother with hardly any mention of the haters we heard so much about on “Double Up.” Clearly the end of his trial has freed up his creative energies to go in a more booty-shaking direction with less of the anger and hostility of his last record. (Oh, and remember "Hair Braider"? that song didn't make this album) The songs aren’t all winners but I’m thrilled that Kelly has returned to his roots and made an album that is really about making love.

Bonus: See Kelly's letter to God from the album's digital booklet below. God uses iTunes!

OMFG Toto, We're Not in Texas Anymore: Christmas at Good Vibrations

2009-12-21T16:26:00.000-08:00

So I'm on vacation in California and will later travel to the East Coast to see my people in DC, Philadelphia, and NYC.

The first destination on my whistle-stop tour of America's most unabashedly liberal locales was, appropriately, a weekend in Berkeley and San Francisco. I always go to whatever feminist sex toy store happens to be in the city I'm visiting so I can see what drool-inducing new toys are out there but also to just be around other sex positive people. In the Bay Area the big player is Good Vibrations, which has locations in Berkeley and San Francisco.

Good Vibes has a great online presence and even publishes its own web magazine that highlights, among other things, famous sex educators like yours truly. I usually visit the Mission store, because it's in the Mission and I like to go there--what could be better than sex toys and tacos, all in the same neighborhood? You'd think, living in Austin, Texas, I'd be able to have such an afternoon in my own town but, alas, I cannot.

I thought I'd share a couple of the totally awesome things I found at Good Vibes that I've never seen before and that I'm either lusting after or highly recommending. First up is the La Femme Harness, pictured above. The photo doesn't do it justice--the edges, ruffled leather, are highlighted by pink zippers. At $169, this is not a beginner's harness but for those experienced players interested in a femmey strap-on, this beauty is a must-have.

I also found the most adorable hand restraints ever, Bound Bliss, pictured at right. The part that goes around the wrists is leather and closes with a heart-shaped padlock, and the bow is real patent leather. Also available in red patent leather (!) these are a bargain at $65. Hint, hint.

Lelo's Ina, at left, was part of my gift guide but I actually got to feel it in my own hands at Good Vibes and I can confidently say that this thing is fucking awesome. If you have a Rabbit now, throw it in the garbage and get this younger, firmer, hotter model. Seriously. It's rechargeable, silicone, and I love that it doesn't have any annoying animal features. This is a grown up vibrator.

One thing Good Vibes does have that I don't see when I go to Babeland is an unparallelled selection of queer and genderfuck porn. They have the whole Crash Pad series, everything out there in TrannyFag world and and more (I know they have Buck Angel titles in the store, but I couldn't find any on the website). They offer Video on Demand, too, so you don't have to live in the Mission to get your fill. Fluid, at right, is one of Crash Pad veteran Madison Young's directorial flicks.

If you're in the Bay Area, I highly recommend a side trip to one of the Good Vibes locations. The stores are clean, welcoming to people of all genders, orientations, sizes, colors, what have you, and their selection of toys is top notch. They carry more "novelties" than I care for (really, must I be forced to browse butt plugs with college kids giggling over penis birthday candles?) but I confess to lusting after more than one three digit toy of the kind I just can't see up close and personal in Austin.

You can read my other gift recommendations here, at my Holiday Gift and Regift Guide.

Holiday Gift (and Regift) Guide

2009-12-13T07:56:00.000-08:00

The holidays are here (in the case of Hanukkah) and a'coming (in the case of Christmas) so the time to buy gifts is now, while you can still avoid paying extra for last-minute shipping.

For You (or me):
OMG. Lelo has put out the most gorgeous, simple, fabulous toys and they have outdone themselves with Ina, the rabbit-style vibrator that is missing cloying animal faces or hard to clean nubby surfaces.

Ina by Lelo

It comes in purple and orange (hook 'em!) silicone and medical-grade plastic, which means this toy will be great to use and easy to clean. If you want simultaneous g-spot and clitoral stimulation, this is the toy for you.

For your best friend:
Silk is a group of pretty, smooth, all-purpose dildos made out of hard silicone. They come in 3 sizes and can be used with a harness or as handheld toys. The smooth texture makes these great for anal play, especially for beginners.

Silk

For your boyfriend (and you too):
Simply Blown has delivered a stunning glass butt plug that looks like a Christmas ornament. It features a round base, which is key for comfort during sex, and you can see the color from the outside.

Simply Blown Plug

At 1.5 inches at its widest, this is a good size plug for those working up to anal sex with a male partner. Butt plugs are also great on their own for masturbation.

For the newlyweds:
The Red Heart Crop combines love with anger in a cute, gentle way. It also comes in handy for running meetings.

The Red Heart Crop

This crop won't cause real pain but it makes a satisfying 'slap' sound on contact. Plus it can double as a magic wand if your kid happens to find it.

For Everyone's Stocking:
The P Style is a small plastic object that allows women to pee standing up. Nuff said!

The P Style

Black Dragon Latex Gloves. These come in sizes S, M and L and are great for sex play or, in my case, dyeing my hair or cleaning the bathtub.

You'd be surprised how frequently well-fitting latex gloves come in handy around the house. I also used them this year when preparing my Thanksgiving turkey.

Kimono Type E Condoms. If you need condoms, try these.

Sliquid Organics Natural lube is a great all-purpose lube. It's glycerin and paraben free so even people with very sensitive skin can use it.

To Regift:
The Cone is, in my opinion, completely useless as a sex toy. But you know who loves it? Babies. Seriously. You can put it in their crib and it'll shut them up or leave it out and they'll carry it around, amazed at this pink cone that shakes around.

If you've received one and its stayed on your shelf for months, give it to a sleepless parent near you. They'll appreciate it.

Happy Holidays, everyone!
XOXO,
GTG

There is No Condom for the Eye: "Jersey Shore"

2009-12-11T11:51:00.001-08:00

Jersey Shore - MTV Shows

I normally never, ever watch MTV's "television programs" but earlier this week when my friend T wrote about the new "Jersey Shore" on Facebook I knew I had to make an exception.

I grew up going to Cape May, which while technically a beach in New Jersey, is not really a part of the Jersey Shore (one way you know this is true is because people who go there don't say they're going to 'the shore'). But those who know me personally know I went to boarding school in Southeast Pennsylvania, perilously close to South Philly which is a true velour track suit Ed Hardy paradise.

My brother, A, lives in South Philly above a "t-shirt store" that, when I visited in June, stocked nothing but spray painted jeans, Ed Hardy t-shirts, rhinestone belt buckles, and huge rhinestone sunglasses for dudes. Let that sink in for a minute. They also had a catalog of "custom t-shirt designs" that I looked at, thinking I could get a nice vintage Phillies t-shirt for my then-boyfriend.

When I asked about how much it cost to get a shirt made, the bleached-blonde, Ed Hardied-out gal behind the counter gave me a look that said, "Huh? [translation: "We don't really sell custom t-shirts because we are a front business."]" Just then, a huge dude in a velour track suit walked in, went to the back room, and walked out with a beat up looking shoe box.

Just sayin'. So the firestorm of controversy surrounding "Jersey Shore" is based on complaints that it perpetuates stereotypes of Italian Americans as "Guidos" and "Guidettes," a term every character on the show uses to describe themselves. I've known and loved my fair share of Italian Americans, even some who had vaguely suspicious bookkeeping jobs, and I have never, not even on the Jersey Shore, not even at Rehoboth Beach, heard anyone describe him or herself as a "Guido" or a "Guidette."

The first guy to introduce himself, Pauly D, emphasizes what it's all about for him: "family, friends, tanning, gel, everything." He has a tanning bed in his house--that's how "serious" he is about "living up to this lifestyle." Important Italian Americans, including Alyssa Milano, are pissed:

"In the name of decency and fairness to millions of Italian Americans whose hard
work helped build this Country, and provide a steady source of sponsorship,
revenues, and support for your network, I am writing to your office to demand
that you immediately pull this series before it airs," DiMino noted. "It is also
hypocritical and shameful that MTV openly advocates against this type of
discrimination and racism, (and offers a community program at http://think.mtv.com/Issues/discrimination) yet does the
direct opposite in its programming toward Italian Americans.

I don't know what to say about this other than "There is no condom for the eye."

Chicago Tribune Copies Laura Sessions Stepp by Telling Girls Hooking Up is Bad

2009-12-03T06:02:00.000-08:00

(image from laurastepp.com)

Thanks to my pal "Early Marriage is A-Ok" Mark Regnerus for this article from the Chi-Trib (what, no R. Kelly stories to cover this week?) explaining a "study of more than 4,000 Twilight fans by researchers at the University of Missouri" that apparently demonstrates, once and for all, that girls want love and boys want sex and therefore, hooking up is bad for girls.

"This series represents a backlash to the 'hooking up' culture," explained one author of the study. " 'Twilight' has been a way for young girls to acknowledge their emerging sexuality without actually having sex." In other words, it's a female fantasy. It's also every boy's nightmare. After all, the hooking-up deal works pretty well for guys. Lots and lots of sex, without all that messy relationship stuff? What's not to like?

Hold on a minute. I was 17 once, and I don't recall having fantasies of "acknowledging [my] emerging sexuality without actually having sex." Kind of the opposite, actually. According to who is this a female fantasy? If you think this sounds suspiciously like the official Cassandra of GIRLSEXISBAD, Laura Sessions Stepp, you're right! The author of the newspaper article included this incredible stretch of a statement as though it were fact:

Remember dating? As quaint as is it might sound today, dating required you to get to know a girl before you did anything else. The goal might be the same -- indeed, it often was the same -- but you had to follow several distinct steps to get there. That was far better for girls, who could decide if they liked a guy before physical intimacy began. Now, the order is reversed: You hook up first, then decide if you want to "go out."

Jonathan Zimmerman, did you ever see Grease? Have you read The Crucial Decade? Just because you (if you were alive) were playing Cowboys and Indians in the 1950s doesn't mean teenagers weren't getting busy, you know, in the back seats of cars all over America. What do you think led to the highest teen pregnancy rates in our nation's history? But wait...there's more:

"No real commitment, no real feelings involved, this is like a guy's paradise," Bogle said one male student told her. "I mean this is what guys have been wanting for many, many years. And women have always resisted, but now they are going along with it." The male student is right. Since the sexual revolution of the 1960s, women have made enormous strides in education, income and professional achievement. But when it comes to sex, it's still a man's world. And that's why young women are celebrating an imaginary one, in the movies, where the guy actually loves you before he makes love to you. Even if he is a vampire.(emphasis mine)

Look, I read Bogle's book and she does not make the bogus conclusions Zimmerman claims here--and there were plenty of women interviewed who, surprise surprise, were too busy outperforming boys in the classroom to want a boyfriend--they wanted casual sex, too. Bogle starts out the book with a detailed history of "dating" in America and how the history people like Stepp often look back at with rose-colored glasses is far more layered and complex than a system of calling cards and polite conversations in front of the fireplace with a girl's parents.

And besides, most guys in college do want a girlfriend. They aren't looking for one when they're hooking up at parties, but they do want one. Another fact Zimmerman ignores that Bogle discovered in her research--hooking up often doesn't mean sex. But Zimmerman clearly just read the dust jacket.

Oh, and by the way, Jonathan Zimmerman is the acclaimed author of the groundbreaking book "Small Wonder: The Little Red Schoolhouse in History and Memory."

Barbara Ehrenreich Takes Fundamentalist Pinkianity To Task

2009-12-02T15:58:00.000-08:00

(from Komen.com)

With the new guidelines on mammography and Pap smears (short version: they're not as necessary as we thought) kicking up a firestorm of conservative idiot behavior (Fox News: "Healthcare Rationing Begins!!!"), Barbara Ehrenreich helpfully takes to task the "pink ribbon breast cancer cult," an unnecessary obsession with breast cancer, that she claims has excluded legitimate women's health concerns from public debate.

She's right, obviously, and she reminds readers how much money was made by oncologists and radiologists made when mammography and the cancers it inevitably detects (not all of which require treatment, and some of which might be caused by the radiation in mammograms) became de rigeur for women.

I went to one of the first Races for the Cure, not long after my mom had breast cancer, and I remember it being a meaningful event--but that was before Komen started putting its name on everything from OPI nail polish to New Kids On The Block tank tops to lingerie from fucking Frederick's of Hollywood to the special edition KitchenAid Cook For the Cure mixer. You can see the exhaustive list of Komen's corporate partners here.

(from komen.com)

Ehrenreich says:

When a corporation wants to signal that it’s "woman friendly," what does it do? It stamps a pink ribbon on its widget and proclaims that some miniscule portion of the profits will go to breast cancer research...When Laura Bush traveled to Saudi Arabia in 2007, what grave issue did she take up with the locals? Not women’s rights (to drive, to go outside without a man, etc.), but "breast cancer awareness." In the post-feminist United States, issues like rape, domestic violence, and unwanted pregnancy seem to be too edgy for much public discussion, but breast cancer is all apple pie.

She's right--breast cancer is even becoming kinda sexy, like the "Save the Tatas" ("Who said fighting cancer can't be fun?") webstore hocking sexy tank tops and "boob lube" to make your BSE easier.

Ehrenreich reminds us that medicine is a business, and that people make money from testing, diagnosis and treatment of all diseases, but especially cancer. She calls attention--young women, I hope you're listening--back to the National Women's Health Network, which has been a cassandra on the risks of mammography, hormone replacement therapy, and overscreening of cervical cancer for ages.

It is also helpful to remember that in the midst of the healthcare debate, the fact that fundamental women's healthcare needs--abortion, contraception, maternity care--are even up for debate reveals how deeply entrenched are the ideas that "women's troubles" are dirty, not appropriate for public debate, and shouldn't be funded.

Unfuckingacceptable.

Cousin Marriage in the New York Times

2009-12-01T12:44:00.000-08:00

I don't know what all my readers were doing last week that nobody wrote me to tell me about this article in the Times about marriage between first cousins. Oh, right...Thanksgiving. The weird part is that they've hidden the piece in the "Home and Garden" section, of all places.

The article tells the stories of two couples where the spouses are first cousins, and their families' reactions to their relationships. One said her mother said it would have been easier to tell people her daughter was a lesbian.

I wonder how, in a nation where families may not live in the same town much less state, anyone would even know that two people filing for a marriage license are cousins. Many cousins may not sure last names and, if the two don't disclose, how would the authorities know they were related? I have probably 30 first cousins and I think only 3 or 4 of them have my last name and not one of them lives in my state.

For those cousin couples who do get married, the website cousincouples.com allows them to come out of the closet and find community with other couples. And those pesky genetic problems? Probably not a big deal, say various scientists in the article. Defects are more likely to occur in couples whose families have a long history of intermarriage--in a couple who are the first set of cousins to have children, gene problems are unlikely.

The website is interesting--it has a list of famous people who married their cousins (Jerry Lee Lewis, natch) and an analysis of what Christianity has to say on the matter.

R. Kelly on Tour!

2009-11-24T12:48:00.001-08:00

R. Kelly is back bitches! His official album release party will happen this Saturday, 11/28/09, in Miami. He's currently out on the road for the "Ladies Make Some Noise Tour." Seriously.

Here's some video of Kells getting ready for his show in my old hood, the ATL. He likes to hang out back stage while the lights are still out so he can "Get [his] adrenalines going." I'm devastated to report that Texas gets no love on this tour. I would've driven to all the way to Houston to see my Kells.

The War's Still On

2009-11-20T18:24:00.000-08:00

No, really. Thanks to Quaker House for these photos of banners painted by military wives in anticipation of their husbands' return from the field.

If You Get in Bed With the Devil Don't be Surprised When Satan Fucks You in the Ass

2009-11-18T09:03:00.000-08:00

(image credit)

Following up on Monday's article about big pharma's backhanded price increases ahead of the healthcare reform bill, the Times published an editorial today that takes the Senate Finance Committee and the Obama administration to task for their willingness to get in bed with big pharma and act all surprised that now they're getting fucked by them.

The administration got political benefits from the deal: The drug industry has not opposed health care reform as it did in previous years and has actually run commercials supporting it. But the deal looks mostly good for the drug companies. They stand to gain tens of millions of newly insured customers who will be able to buy medicines.

Well, duh. People with health insurance pay lower prices than people who don't for all healthcare services, so providers--doctors, or, in this case, drug companies--have to raise the price overall to make sure they get their money's worth and make their shareholders happy. When medical care is provided by a for-profit system, the priority is on making money, not on getting people the fucking care or drugs they need.

This sure makes Canada's system seem attractive.

NY Times: Drug Makers Raising Prices To Fuck Newly Insured Americans

2009-11-16T06:15:00.000-08:00

The New York Times reports today that in anticipation of the health care overhaul drug manufacturers are up to their old tricks by raising drug prices for consumers. What better way to get theirs from the Americans who will be newly insured and, all of a sudden, have prescription drug coverage?

"A Harvard health economist, Joseph P. Newhouse, said he found a similar pattern of unusual price increases after Congress added drug benefits to Medicare a few years ago, giving tens of millions of older Americans federally subsidized drug insurance. Just as the program was taking effect in 2006, the drug industry raised prices by the widest margin in a half-dozen years."

But before you get mad and write your Congressman, keep in mind how thoughtful the drug companies are to keep coming up with new ways to tweak their medications to keep them under patent and how helpful they are to educate the hell out of us with all that drug advertising we see nowadays:

"But drug companies say they are having to raise prices to maintain the profits necessary to invest in research and development of new drugs as the patents on many of their most popular drugs are set to expire over the next few years."

So price check now, dear readers, and see how your bottom line changes in the next few months with this handy Go-To Guide to Sex-Related Medications:

Yasmin: $76.99/mo
Ocella (Yasmin generic): $59.34/mo (!)
Yaz: $85.60/mo
Valrex: $364.87/mo (!!)
NuvaRing: $77.35/mo
Ortho Tri-Cyclen Lo: $67.99/mo
Tri-Lo-Sprintec (OTCLo generic): $55.99/mo
Plan B One Step: $49.99/dose
Viagra: $155.99/10 tablets
Cialis for Daily Use: $133.97/mo

I'll check back with these meds in a month or two and see if the prices have gone up. But Jesus H! The last time I took birth control (oh, Yasmin, I'm still not over you) I paid a just $15 a month with my insurance plan's mail-order drug program.

If the prospect of hundreds of dollars more per year for sex drugs rubs you the wrong way, make an appointment to get an IUD already. You can do yoga on the front lawn! You can finish a book! You won't get your period for 5 years! Think of how much money you'll save on tampons. But seriously, the IUD is the most cost-effective method over time so, as the commercial says, "If your plans DON'T include another baby, consider a contraceptive called Mirena!"

Q: Condom Broke: Do I have herpes? A: Dunno yet

2009-11-15T19:06:00.000-08:00

Learn more about herpes here.

Dear GTG,

Ugh. I'm sure this is not what you really want to wake up too, but I need someone to comfort me/ inform me of my options right now...

Well... this is totally out of character for me, but last night I had some casual sex. I went off the pill a few months ago and I wasn't really planning on having sex too often so a condom in theory would have been enough. Well, just my luck the condom broke. I managed to get the morning after pill on a sunday in VERY conservative Lubbock, so I gave myself a pat on the back for that. But I'm still really freaked out by the chance of STI's/STD's. I know you have to wait awhile for HIV to show up on a test, but how long does it take for other STI's to show up? Would it be stupid to set up a doctors appt on monday?

thanks for being there for me. jesus. I'm freakin out.

Patti

Dear Patti,

That sucks, but don't freak out yet. If you have contracted any bacterial stuff (chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis) tests should be positive fairly soon after exposure, like 12-14 days, but the viral stuff (hpv, herpes, hiv) can take longer to show up on tests. Keep your spidey sense turned on for any symptoms (be on the lookout for sores) but don't freak out. Gonorrhea and chlamydia are curable, and herpes often doesn't even have symptoms. HIV is scary but the risk of contracting it from a single sexual encounter is low. So don't panic.

I would make an appointment for about a month from now and try not to freak out until then. If you were using a condom for some of the time you were having sex, that reduces the risk somewhat.

To get tested in Lubbock, go to the city health department STD clinic--you can find info about their office and other places in town to get tested here. They may tell you to come back in another few months for follow up testing, but they're the experts so see what they tell you.

Let me know how it goes.

Go-To Girl

Annals of Obvious: Comprehensive Sex Ed Works

2009-11-11T08:39:00.000-08:00

I barely slept last night so I don't even have the energy to be snarky or clever or even intelligent on this one, really. If I were, I'd do another brilliant point-counterpoint. But I can't. I'm so tired of study after expert panel after conclusive research report demonstrating that abstinence education does not work. But according to the Washington Post, the CDC assembled a panel of experts to look, once and for all, at the comprehensive vs. abstinence education question. And Jeezum Motherfucking Crow, guess what they found:

Sex-education programs that encourage teens to delay sexual activity and teach them about contraception cut risky sexual behavior, increase condom use and lower the chances of getting the AIDS virus and other infections, a panel of independent experts concluded in a report released Friday. (emphasis mine)

I mean, for fuck's sake. Can we please stop listening to the gumdrop brain idiots over at the Abstinence Clearinghouse and the National Abstinence Education Association? They do not know what they are talking about. I'm serious.

Here's what Leslee Unruh, the baby-selling, adoption-pushing*, completely fucking nuts president of the Abstinence Clearinghouse had to say about the study:

“These results present a different picture than the study’s published conclusions, especially for school-based CSE. Policy makers deserve accurate information regarding the lack of effects of these condom-centered programs. Moreover, the emotional health of our children is as important as their physical health and condom education fails youth in both of these areas. Abstinence education protects both.”

There is no condom for the heart, dontcha know.

*see page 3 of the linked PDF.

Hey Virginia, Maryland and DC People: Free At-Home Chlamydia Test!

2009-11-06T12:22:00.000-08:00

(photo from iwantthekit.org)

For real! I stumbled upon this the other day and wanted to make sure those friends in my old haunt(s) knew that they could get, for free, a kit that allows you to collect a specimen at home for a chlamydia test.

Chlamydia, while not my favorite sexually transmitted infection (syphilis, I'll always love you best), IS the one of the leading causes of infertility in women.

From the CDC:

In women, untreated infection can spread into the uterus or fallopian tubes and cause pelvic inflammatory disease (PID). This happens in up to 40 percent of women with untreated chlamydia. PID can cause permanent damage to the fallopian tubes, uterus, and surrounding tissues. The damage can lead to chronic pelvic pain, infertility, and potentially fatal ectopic pregnancy (pregnancy outside the uterus).

Scary, huh? Even worse: according to MMWR 58(14), in 2007, only 41% of sexually active women were screened for chlamdyia; in the South only 37% were screened.

Get your FREE test here.

Slate: Dystopian Sex Nightmare In China America

2009-11-05T06:27:00.001-08:00

Slate has a great piece about how "millions of Chinese citizens don't know how to have sex without getting pregnant." (Thanks, M) The story reads like a sex educator's dystopian nightmare, where China's billion people are running around fornicating with no inkling that penis-goes-in-vagina, that condoms-go-on-penis, or that semen-makes-babies-inside-woman.*

The article highlights stupid questions kids ask (Can kissing get my girlfriend pregnant? Is oral sex going to kill me? Why didn't he call?) as though being Chinese predisposes teenagers to confusion about sex. Newsflash: confused teenagers everywhere ask those questions. Just look at Go Ask Alice!

China's women famously have approximately 13 million abortions each year--and that's just the number of abortions performed in registered clinics. 10 million doses of "abortion inducing" drugs are sold each year and many speculate that millions more abortions happen in "unregistered" clinics. Acupuncture abortion, coming to an American woo-corner near you?

The article gets really interesting when it transitions to a description of what is actually taught in schools in China:

Today in Beijing, schools offer sex ed in junior high, but there's no standard for what should be taught or how, and teachers have little incentive to emphasize the subject. After all, safe sex isn't going to show up on the national university entrance exam that students spend years cramming for.
Broadly speaking, students learn about reproductive anatomy. They learn they're not supposed to have sex, and that if they do, they must take precautions. And that's that—no guidance about which precautions.
"There's nothing from the schools about relationships. Nothing about pregnancy," said Lily Liu, who heads the China operations of Marie Stopes International, an NGO that runs reproductive health clinics. Condoms? Liu laughed. "No condoms, of course," she said.
Junior high schoolers [are] learning "how to be a man and how to be a woman" in sex ed classes. Would a girl who's taught to be soft and quiet be able to demand that her boyfriend use a condom? Would a girl who insists on using birth control be perceived as a "proper" woman? (emphasis mine)

Sound familiar? It should. I'm no expert on China so maybe things are really different there, but this sex educator sees a reflection of the American dystopian sex nightmare--a generation of young people denied information and resources that can prevent negative consequences of sex. That, my friends, is the true goal of "abstinence" education.

The Texas Freedom Network did a groundbreaking piece of research last year about abstinence curricula used in Texas public schools called "Just Say Don't Know." Can't stand to read it? Don't blame you. But watch the videos. The statements offered by the "coach" are taken, verbatim, from well-known abstinence curricula. The dialogue in the video below comes straight out of Pam Stenzel's "Sex Still Has a Price Tag."

But even in China, as in Texas, is the light at the end of the tunnel (though I don't use bananas):

As a student at one of China's best universities, Liu enjoys many advantages. One is that she attended a sex ed workshop during freshman orientation, where she practiced putting a condom on a banana.

*the article doesn't address what I assume is total radio silence on the fact that some people are gay.

Hurry Up And Wait: Herpes Vaccine Trial Ending?

2009-11-03T06:11:00.001-08:00

(image credit)

Herpes is so hot right now. All the cool kids have it and, really, it's not a big deal.* Unlike gonorrhea and chlamydia, it can't cause infertility over the long term; it doesn't eat your brain like syphilis, and it doesn't kill you like HIV or (occasionally) cause cancer like HPV. Really, herpes is the most friendly of the sexually transmitted infections. Of course, gonorrhea, chlamydia and syphilis are all curable with antibiotics if you get off your cookies and get tested already.

But as one of the lame, unpopular kids who doesn't have HSV-1 OR HSV-2, I am chomping at the bit to get the Herpevac vaccine, the clinical trial for which ends this month. This latest trial is a Phase 3 trial, which means the vaccine works and they are further investigating it. Here's the description from the NIH Clinical Trials database:

This study is a double-blind, randomized, controlled Phase III trial to assess the prophylactic efficacy and safety of gD-Alum/MPL vaccine in the prevention of genital herpes disease in young women who are herpes simplex virus (HSV)-1 and -2 seronegative. The primary efficacy objective is to evaluate vaccine efficacy in the prevention of genital herpes disease caused by HSV-1 and/or HSV-2 between months 2 and 20 in healthy adult women who were initially HSV-1 and HSV-2 seronegative. The secondary efficacy objectives are to: evaluate vaccine efficacy in the prevention of genital herpes disease caused by HSV-1 and/or HSV-2 occurring between the months 7 and 20; evaluate vaccine efficacy in the prevention of HSV-2 infection between months 2 and 20; and to evaluate vaccine efficacy in the prevention of HSV-2 infection occurring between months 7 and 20.

What they don't say is whether they are going to actually expose women to the herpes virus (presumably, that would be unethical) so I'm not sure how they could guarantee that the vaccine works if the women haven't been exposed. I guess they just assume the women in the trial are high risk enough or that herpes is prevalent enough that they will, at some point during the 20 months of the study, be exposed to the virus just by having sex.

So I don't know what's going on with this vaccine, but there are little bits of news that vaccines are being developed by companies and researchers at universities so maybe we'll know soon.

*Herpes IS a big deal if you transmit it to your baby during childbirth, and it can kill infants. But this rarely happens in the US. It may also increase your risk for HIV infection, because sores can leave skin broken and susceptible to the virus. But in most people who know they have herpes and who undergo treatment, the infection is completely manageable.

DON'T: Choking while Masturbating

2009-10-30T17:07:00.000-07:00

Tonight is a quiet night at home for me, as Fridays often are, so imagine my thrill at turning on Law and Order to find a treasure trove of awesome:

a dude who dies from auto-erotic asphyxiation (AEA)!
the dude from "Clueless" who plays the detective! (not new, but still so cute)
Ernie Hudson, Winston from "Ghostbusters," playing S. Epatha Merkerson's husband!
Rob Corddry as the head of "flashposse.com" which is perpetrating "corrective social action" against people who drive while texting!

For those who don't know, AEA is when people--either when masturbating or during sex with a partner--cut off their air supply to intensify orgasms. INXS frontman Michael Hutchense famously died of it, and every so often the media runs scary stories about how this sex act could KILL YOU!!

AEA has been cropping up all over the place this summer and Dan Savage talks about it regularly on the podcast as a total don't. Unfortunately, the episode doesn't follow up on the jerking off/choking death scenario.

Anyway, between the hot L & O and the first disc of the last season of "The L Word" it's looking like a good night!

<3>

Vampire Blow Jobs!

2009-10-28T06:12:00.001-07:00

Really! Via Perez Hilton (thanks, K!) my pals over at Fleshlight have come up with a new product for the gay, vampire loving set: Count Cockula.

Apparently Fleshlight is working to help out some of those guys who have what Dan Savage calls "impossible fetishes," like wanting to have sex with a giant woman, or a centaur, or, apparently, a vampire. There's even a photo gallery to get your blood pumping (har har) over the hot, vampire fantasy.

Not a gay guy? Don't worry--there's a vampire toy for you too, called Succu Dry. From the product description:

Succu Dry’s unique Vampire mouth opening isn’t for the faint of heart. This exclusive Undead pale sleeve color is made from the same patented Real Feel Super Skin material that’s made Fleshlight the #1 selling male sex toy in the world. The amazingly detailed vampire mouth and fangs beg you to drive your wooden stake deep inside. To ensure an experience all its own, Fleshlight developed a brand new inner texture for the Succu Dry called “The Fang.” This intensely stimulating texture has dozens of tiny fangs that will gently bite at you until you’re drained of every last drop. Quench your lust and prepare for the ultimate vampire fantasy, but beware, this can will suck you dry!

Yikes. For the bargain price of $44.95, Succu Dry or Count Cockula can be yours.

Levi Johnston Naked for Playgirl: Wait, Playgirl Still Exists?

2009-10-27T12:04:00.001-07:00

Levi Johnston will do full frontal nudity for Playgirl.

So says Page Six. Unfortunately for those who might like to purchase a commemorative copy of the magazine, Playgirl's print edition folded last year and now only appears online.

Hopefully an explanation of how to avoid getting the Republican Vice Presidential candidate's daughter knocked up will accompany the photo spread (hint: use condoms, idiot).

Texas Travesty: Inspired by Me!

2009-10-26T08:29:00.000-07:00

OMG I'm so flattered! The Texas Travesty, UT's hilarious humor newspaper, wrote to me and said they were thinking of me when they wrote this hilarious article:

Do you girls want to go clubbing and talk about the side effects of this new birth control pill?

By Lauren Patterson

Hey ladies! I’m so glad we finally got a chance to have a night out on the town without our boyfriends. Don’t get me wrong…Brad’s a great guy and I totally love him and everything, but I just need a little time for my girls and a few rounds of Cosmos. Lately, I’ve been in such a bad mood around Brad. I thought I was just PMS-ing really badly, so I asked my doctor about it. She prescribed this great new birth control pill called Uteraz.

Uteraz is a new kind of birth control pill that may increase potassium levels, so don’t take Uteraz if you have kidney, liver, or adrenal disease, as this may—I said, DON’T TAKE UTERAZ IF YOU HAVE KIDNEY, LIVER OR ADRENAL DISEASE AS THIS MAY CAUSE SERIOUS HEART AND HEALTH PROBLEMS. ALSO, SWELLING OR TENDERNESS OF THE BREASTS MAY OCCUR. (read the rest here)

This Just In: Baseball Cheating Scandal!

2009-10-26T06:35:00.000-07:00

Phillips and his former lady friend, Brooke Hundley (photo credit)

Another Sunday night baseball game (goddammit, Angels, seriously), another television host ousted over infidelity. Steve Phillips, previous GM of the Mets and now the former host of Sunday Night Baseball for ESPN, has been fired after it came to light that he had an affair with the 22 year-old production assistant pictured above.

This isn't the first time Phillips has had affairs:

When Phillips was the general manager of the Mets, he was forced to take a leave of absence in 1998 because of a series of affairs and an accusation of sexual harassment by a Mets employee. He entered counseling and returned to the Mets, but was eventually fired in 2003.

Furthermore, Phillips is apparently "admitting himself to an inpatient treatment facility to address his personal issues." I think his "personal issues" are going to include being harassed by his crazy former love interest, who sent this threatening letter to Phillips' wife. This is my favorite part:

I was raised Catholic too and while I know our faith dissuades divorce, it also respects it with regards to infidelity because people should have the opportunity to be with whomever makes them happy and can give them what they need.

Um, I wasn't raised Catholic (praise be to the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit) but I'm pretty sure she's completely nuts on this score. I wish we could know what kind of treatment facility treats half-sorry middle-aged cheaters.

Ironically, Phillips never seemed to imagine he'd be successful at ESPN. When he was named to join the cast of Sunday Night Baseball, he had this to say:

I honestly didn't think I'd be able to make a career of this," says Phillips, who joined ESPN in 2004 and expected he'd be replaced by a more "sexy name.

And how.

Savage Lovecast, Featuring Yours Truly

2009-10-20T06:41:00.000-07:00

Holy Shit I'm on the Savage Love Podcast! I come on about 1/3 of the way through. Sorry to disappoint though, I'm not asking a question about myself.

LOVE YOU DAN.

A Multivitamin for Your Dick: Cialis for Daily Use

2009-10-18T08:12:00.000-07:00

Imagine my surprise last night while watching the American League Championship Series to see, mixed in with the commercials for Ford Truck Month, Chevy Truck Month, GMC Truck Month and ads for the insanely titled "Ninja Assassin" (which, the first time they showed it onscreen during the baseball game, I assumed was the name of a new Nissan truck) a commercial for Cialis FOR DAILY USE.

Apparently 36 hours of delicious boner time isn't enough for these greedy middle aged men. They want to be able to have sex whenever they feel like it. Well, lucky for them the geniuses over at Lilly have come up with a solution: Cialis for daily use. It's like a multivitamin--for your dick!

graph from Cialis for Healthcare Providers

As in take a pill every single day for erectile dysfunction. The helpful graph above, from Cialis' website for healthcare providers, shows you the percent of intercourse attempts that were "successful" for ED patients using Cialis for daily use, but it doesn't tell you how many times they attempted to have sex. Or what "successful" means beyond "cock got hard."

Cialis' selling point over Levitra and Viagra has been that it lasts for 36 hours, so you can take it and have from Friday night to Sunday morning to have "successful" sex. None of that four hour window stuff you get with Viagra. Taking this pill every day sounds suspiciously like a way for Lilly, Cialis' manufacturer, to just sell the same medication with a new label and continue to get insurance companies to pay them tons of cash.

Mind you that Cialis for "occasional" use comes in two doses: 10mg and 20mg. The higher dose pills run about $16 apiece and the 2.5mg and 5mg pills, those indicated for daily use, are $133.97 for 30 pills, about a month's worth. The cost breakdown works like this: If you have sex, say, twice a week using the higher dose of Cialis, that's gonna run you $128. Sex twice a week is about average for the non-ED population so I have a hard time believing that taking Cialis every day is going to result in significantly more sex than that which means that this drug is meeting a psychological need--a man's desire not to have to "medicate" himself to have sex "successfully."

While I really sympathize with the guys who have a hard time getting it up as they age--really, as a man, what else do you have to do?--the prospect of taking a medication every single day so that you can have more sex than, let's be honest, you're actually going to have seems pretty ridiculous.

But boners are priceless.

Dr. Porkenheimer's Boner Juice
by MrGoodwine

Coming to America: Cougar Utopia!

2009-10-16T08:48:00.001-07:00

photo credit

The Style section of the New York Times is always on the prowl for the latest and greatest in social "trends" which, more often than not, are evidenced by a few friends of the writer doing something and the writer declaring a national movement.

Such is the case with Thursday's piece attempting to humanize cougars, or older women who pursue younger men. CSI: Miami also recently ran an episode that highlighted rich women who threw parties for younger guys; in this episode, the jealous (and cheating himself, of course) husband of the cougar-ringleader kills a bunch of scrumptuous college volleyball players through typically complex CSI: Miami methods, in this case a golf club tied to the top of a lifeguard stand that created an electrical charge in the sand volleyball court through some kind of blue crystals that conducted electricity up through the players' bare feet.

Those cougars! Causing death and destruction wherever they go to satisfy their desperate, feline need for sex!

On a serious note, though, whether there is a "national trend" of older women going for younger guys or not, many researchers (including my pal Mark Regnerus, of "younger marriage is A-ok fame") are concerned about the game-changing implications of higher numbers of educated, high-earning women who don't actually need a man to take care of them anymore.

Frankly, I think it stands to reason that if a woman doesn't need a man for financial support and knows full well that she'll have to take care of a man regardless of his age, why not go for someone young? If the woman wants to have children, the genetic material of a younger guy is going to be stronger and the man more, you know, pliable.

The article says:

Economics is also a key factor. Both women and men, particularly as the wage gap has narrowed, are growing more comfortable with the possibility that she is the higher earner, sociologists say. And while she may not want to take a slacker under her wing, she is less likely to be focused on the status of her partner than women of previous generations.

Same-age men are usually intimidated by women who are more well educated and earn more money so it totally makes sense that women would go for younger men, who are enamored with older women's confidence, success, and ability to say "do this, not that" which women their own age may not be comfortable doing. Maybe it's a Mrs. Robinson fetish that only a few women (and young men) share, but it seems a reasonable strategy to respond to society's gender role card shuffling.

And, really, if it adds up to more hot sex for more people, who's complaining?

Trojan Videos: Finally Getting it Together

2009-10-15T06:57:00.000-07:00

As an alumnae of Trojan, I'm so pleased to see that they've finally given up on the too-serious tone they took with the "1 in 4" campaign and the weird, not quite right message of the "Evolve" pigs ads.

For those who don't remember, 1 in 4 featured a lovey-dovey couple standing on a train platform, sharing iPod headphones, with text that said "1 in 4 people don't tell their partners that they have an STD. Not because they don't care, because they don't know. Use a condom."

Yeah...not quite the right message.

Evolve missed the mark because, a) using a condom and not being a pig do not, unfortunately, always go together and b) the dude with the condom doesn't even kiss the girl at the end of the commercial. You've gotta connect the dots for people in these commercials by conveying, very clearly, "If you use our product you will get laid [more]."

I love the ad below because the guy shows up with the condoms and he gets the fuck laid. That is what Trojan needs to focus on in their commercials: condoms lead to fucking and, therefore, not having condoms leads to not getting fucked. It's taken 3 years for Trojan to take the advice I gave them on the original storyboards for the "Evolve" pigs ad, which was "he needs to get the girl at the end."

Annals of Awesome: Ovulating Strippers Make More Money

2009-10-14T09:29:00.000-07:00

Hormone levels in (a) are for women not taking the pill; (b) is for women taking the pill. The spike in green represents a spike in Leutenizing Hormone (LH), which in turn causes an increase in androgens that heighten sexual desire around ovulation in normally cycling women. No LH surge, no increase in sex drive.

The big news story of the feminist blogs this morning is another article*, this time in Trends in Ecology and Evolution, providing more evidence that the pill is bad. We here at Go-To Girl HQ have access to the full texts of scholarly journals and Julie Sunday makes it a habit to always read the entire article that the bloggers are all jammed up about. The headliner finding of this article first appeared in the UK's Daily Mail and is this: women on the pill are attracted to more "boyish" features in men.

Women who are not on the pill lust after more "manly" guys during oestrus because they are (in theory, anyway) better sources of genetic material for reproduction. The "boyish" dudes make better husbands, which explains why women like them more the rest of the month, because you would want to have a guy like that around to change diapers, help with the laundry, and go feed the baby in the middle of the night.

This morning's coverage also provides further evidence to my theory that most bloggers and journalists** only read the abstracts of scholarly works, because this article presents something I've never heard before and that nobody picked up on in the news coverage:

strippers who are not taking the pill report an increase in lapdance revenue around ovulation whereas pill-taking strippers (who are thus not ovulating) do not see a spike in their revenue and earn less throughout the cycle. No, really.

The solid line represents dollars per shift earned by strippers not taking the pill; the dotted line is earnings by pill-using dancers.

The stripper finding is interesting because it supports previous research showing that men find women more attractive during oestrus than the rest of the cycle, and therefore women who are not ovulating at all because they're taking the pill are less attractive to men overall.

Snap! Just get a ParaGard already.

*Alvergne, Alexandra and Lummaa, Virpi. "Does the contraceptive pill alter mate choice in humans?" Trends in Ecology and Evolution. In press. (available in the 11/09 online edition, if you have access via a library)

**see Feministing's piece here and Feministe's here

Solution to a Non-Problem: The Sensis Condom

2009-10-06T09:19:00.000-07:00

For the record, putting on condoms is easy. It's about as easy as putting on a seatbelt. And just like putting on a seatbelt, somebody (usually your mom) shows you how to do it once and you don't fucking forget. And no matter what kind of car you're driving, virtually every seatbelt works exactly the same way--you put the damn metal thing into the clicker and voila! You probably won't die in a car accident.

So when I first heard about the new Sensis condom (well, I heard about it when it was in development and said "Surely no one will ever bring this product to market because it is STUPID") was when a reporter for the Daily Texan called me up to ask my opinion on it.

I teach people how to use condoms every day. My program distributes upwards of 60,000 condoms each year, every single one of them wrapped in a lil envelope with instructions on how to use a condom. I'm certain no one ever reads the instructions, because USING A CONDOM IS EASY:

Step 1: Put on condom

Step 2: Have sex

Step 3: Repeat as necessary

The Sensis condom has two pieces of what feels like unsticky tape rolled up with the condom and, in theory, you're supposed to pull them instead of rolling the condom all the way down your [partner's] hard cock like a normal person. I have never--truly not once--encountered someone who didn't know or couldn't figure out that a condom is rolled up because YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO UNROLL IT.

The one thing Sensis has going for it is the cool sex line drawing screen saver you can download from their website. But does anyone even use screensavers anymore?

For what it's worth, Dr. Laura Berman is being paid to say they're good.

Guess who's a Nationally Recognized* SexPert?

2009-10-02T14:18:00.001-07:00

From The Student Life: Claremont Climax: October 2

Nationally recognized sexpert [Julie Sunday], who attended Scripps for a year before transferring out, recounted campus dating and sex experiences similar to our experience today. Pomona and CMC guys were appealing hookups, “but if you
wanted a boyfriend, Mudd was the place to look,” she said. Now a sexual health facilitator at the University of Texas at Austin, [Sunday] was inspired by Bolton’s “Human Sexuality” course to pursue advanced studies in the subject.

(CMC=Claremont McKenna College; Mudd=Harvey Mudd College)

*I should note that one of the writers of this article participated in my workshop a few years ago and may be slightly inflating my stature. Thanks, Julia!

The Women Who Want You to Keep It In Your Pants Calendar (by force, if necessary)

2009-09-30T06:08:00.001-07:00

Can't wait for the calendar? Get the poster for $8!

OMG. Via Perez Hilton (thanks, K!). The Clare Boothe Luce Policy Institute, which is famous for putting out such purity-pushing garbage as Sense and Sexuality is getting ready to release their 5th Conservative Women of the Year Calendar.

Want to have Ann Coulter looking down at you while you look at porn on your work computer? Or that woman from the beauty pageant making you feel really, really bad while you fantasize about her during sex with your girlfriend? You're in luck.

The CBLPI is interested in making women not have sex, and they use the same "But nobody ever told me!" bullshit line as Pam Stenzel and other abstinence pushers. The hilarious thing is that they're right--nobody ever told them how to effectively prevent STIs--because the abstinence pushers were so busy telling them "Just wait til marriage girls, and everything will be awesome. And PS the sex will be great."

The thing that nobody apparently is telling anyone: that you should never have sex. Ever. So buy the calendar and you can have a different conservative scold giving you dirty looks each month reminding you

"Keep it in the pen in 2010."

Review: Tristan Taormino's "Rough Sex

2009-09-29T06:18:00.001-07:00

Since 2000’s “Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women” Tristan Taormino has distinguished herself as a bad-ass, feminist director showing women that porn can be hot. Her award winning titles, including “House of Ass” and the “Chemistry” series, portray hot actors having sex the way they want it with people they want to have sex with.

Her newest foray into smut, “Rough Sex,” breaks from her tradition of making movies that don’t include some of the more degrading features of typical gonzo porn: spitting, slapping, verbal insults, and other stuff that just isn’t hot to most women.

“Rough Sex” is all about those degrading elements of porn and how, for some women, they can be turn-ons.

The film has 5 scenes, and the first two are less “rough sex” than “rape fantasy.” If aggressive, nonconsensual sex your fantasy, then these scenes will definitely turn your crank but, if not, please don’t watch.

The last 3 scenes are much more fun and hot. In the first, Francesca is a neglected housewife who tops her powerful executive husband, Christian, with a scene that ends with her adorably yelling “I’m in charge and I want you to make me come!” And how.

“Caught,” featuring the gorgeous and talented “Chemistry” veteran Marie, portrays angry couple sex with some amazing camera work in front of a large mirrored closet.

The headline scene features crossover it-girl Sasha Grey and Danny, who looks like an indie rocker straight out of Austin. The scene is combative and rough, but definitely sexy.

Fans of Tristan’s work, which always features interviews with cast members so they can vocalize their desires and make it clear to (women) viewers that they are in porn by choice, would be well advised to avoid the first two scenes on this disc if they have any rape triggers. But the last 3 scenes are hot and worth watching.

Nip Stim How-To

2009-09-25T07:53:00.000-07:00

the Nipplettes Vibrating Clamps from Babeland

Dear GTG,

So I've found that nipple stimulation helps me achieve orgasm, especially when it's someone else (someone less familiar than me) on my clitoris. I've been thinking it might be fun to experiment with something other than my own fingers on said nipples; I've experimented a bit with twisting and pulling, but not too-too hard. Having heard tell of nipple clamps, I did some googling, and I may get a set of adjustables to play with. However, google failed me when I searched for "alternatives to nipple clamps" and I'm figuring that's because I don't know what to search for. As someone with a greater knowledge of sex toys than I, I'm hoping you'll have some suggestions :)

MaryAnn

Dear MaryAnn,

Lots of women are into heavy nipple stimulation. There are lots of nerve endings on the nipples and, with the right amount of warm-up, most nipples can take a lot of twisting, pulling, pinching, and biting. (Hello, breastfeeding?)

For those women who crave nipple stimulation at times when everybody's hands and mouths are otherwise occupied, nipple clamps are a great idea. Most are connected with a chain or string, so you can use one hand to pull and tease both nipples at the same time.

I assume that in your search for nipple clamps you discovered the adjsutable Crocodile Clamps, which are connected with a chain and screw onto nipples for adjustable play. The thing about anything that's adjustable, though, is that you have to adjust it. The Clover Clamps aren't adjustable and probably take some getting used to because they look tight.

If painful stimulation isn't really what you're after, the Nipplettes Vibrating Clamps might be just the thing. They're pink (win!), adjustable, and they're made out of rubber and not metal for a gentler feeling on your nips. The clips don't come with a chain but any piece of hot pink satin ribbon would do just fine.

I'm not sure what "alternatives" there are, unless you mean stuff you don't have to buy from a sex toy store. I assume old fashioned clothespins work just fine for some people, but they're kind of big and bulky for wearing during sex. I Googled "homemade nipple clamps" and, besides clothespins, G Clamps came up as a cheap, hardware store option.

Hope that helps!

GTG

Newest Texas Anti-Abortion Ad Ruins Season Premiere of "CSI: Miami"

2009-09-22T10:00:00.001-07:00

A typical Majella Society Billboard in Austin (photo credit)

If you live in Austin, Texas you may have noticed the "Pregnant? Scared?" billboards around town. Actually, if you live in Anywhere, USA you may have noticed these billboards around town: they're boilerplate ads for organizations affiliated with OptionLine, a national anti-abortion "pregnancy crisis" hotline.

Here in Austin, the local affiliate is the Majella Society, which literally provides no services other than billboards and, shockingly, PSAs during primetime television encouraging young women to call the hotline for help. You can even text "pregnant" to them if you don't want to have them tell you you're a slut for having premarital sex on the phone.

Imagine my surprise when, during last night's season premiere of "CSI: Miami" I saw the above commercial. Apparently, these ads are effective by Majella's measures. The below stats are from the page featuring links to all of their ads.

Consider these results:
*Made 149,713,54 impressions among Texans
*Reached target market of women between 18 and 49 an average of 21 times
*Professional polling data confirms that the Austin area population, moved 5 points in a consistent life-affirming point of view, from 27 percent to 32 percent
In 2008 in Texas we--
*Received more than 18,000 calls to OptionLine
*Reached 136,800+ Texas teens through our Web site

Their website reveals a host of interesting information, including that their fundraising dinners this fall will feature Mike Huckabee and Kathy Ireland--and that they're expanding to Chicago. But one thing their website doesn't deliver? Financials. The page is "under construction." But if they've got enough cash to run an ad during the season premiere of America's most awesome television show, their "financials" must be pretty interesting...

Annals of Obvious: Religiosity causes pregnancy

2009-09-21T08:48:00.000-07:00

Baby Daddy Levi "We were practicing safe sex [except for that one time]" and Bristol.

Via Feministing, more research has come out demonstrating that states with higher proportions of religious people have higher rates of teen birth. Yes, duh. This was the thesis of last year's New Yorker article Red Sex, Blue Sex. It makes perfect sense that states with more people who are anti-contraception and anti-abortion would see higher teen pregnancy, because teen sex is not preventable.

Humans are designed to have sex as teenagers. The idea that we could possibly eliminate teen sex is completely laughable hubris. Vows of celibacy, pledges of abstinence, rings of purity: all of them are violins on the Titanic of teenage virginity. It's going down, people. I promise you.

When you take teenagers who are designed by God (or whoever) to have babies (which, usually, result from sex) and remove contraception and access to abortion, you are going to have higher prengancy (because you've eliminated birth control) and birth (because you've eliminated abortion) rates. Stop being surprised. If I am credited with anything for my work, I hope it is my foundational theory of sex education: Sexual behavior at the population level does not change significantly over time.
Quote me on that.

FDA Approves Gardasil for Boys: HPV Terror Threat Level About to Go Up!

2009-09-14T13:14:00.000-07:00

Merck's new dude-targeted Gardasil ad?

We knew it would happen eventually: the FDA has approved the marketing of Gardasil, Merck's wildly expensive and probably effective HPV vaccine, to boys. Since boys don't have cervixes (at least, not yet) the vaccine will only be marketed for the prevention of genital warts. Here's a choice quote from the Times article on the decision:

Although the F.D.A. panelists voted that Merck had demonstrated the safety and efficacy of Gardasil for boys, skepticism among a few panelists suggested that Merck may find it difficult to persuade boys to have shots for an uncomfortable but non-life-threatening problem that often resolves itself without medical intervention.

I, for one, can't wait for the faux-social marketing ad campaigns that are going to come out of this. The prevention of cervical cancer death, a relatively nonimportant health issue in the United States, was an effective hook because people are still scared of--and confused by--cancer, especially cancer of the lady parts that is caused by exposure to gentleman parts.

Men can get penis or anal cancer from HPV, but Gardasil has not been shown effective at preventing the strains that cause these cancers so it can only be marketed for its wart-preventing effects.

Apparently everybody's already forgotten last summer's expose in the Times that revealed how hard Merck lobbied (they would say "educated") physicians, nurses, and policymakers to manufacture demand for Gardasil:

Said Dr. Raffle, the British cervical cancer specialist [of the possibility of approval for boys]: “Oh, dear. If we give it to boys, then all pretense of scientific worth and cost analysis goes out the window.”

Time out over: Welcome back, IWF!

2009-09-02T10:16:00.001-07:00

After former president Nancy "Real Virginia" Pfotenhauer left the Independent Women's Forum (as in, "women are independently able to subject themselves to the patriarchy") they seemed pretty aimless and haven't had much to say beyond "Rah Rah Iraq War" over the last year or so.
But they're back! Never satisfied to continue to pretend they're just supporting women's right to choose not to have an abortion, that school choice is good, that boys are being discriminated against, and that staying at home with kids is a "choice" that women should have the "right" to make without being "discriminated against" by those nasty professional women who choose to go to work every day, they've entered the completely insane anti-health reform fray with a new video you can only view on the IWF website.

Thank goodness Glenn Beck is taking them seriously. At least, seriously enough to refer to them as the Women's Independence Forum. Glad to know even the right wing idiots who, I assume, IWF is actually talking to give a shit about them.

Plan B: I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!

2009-08-26T12:52:00.000-07:00

Finally, after years of scientific consensus* that the drug provided no major risks for women under the age of 18 and should be available over the counter, the new Plan B One Step should hit pharmacy shelves soon.

A new generic version of Plan B--hilariously called "Next Choice"--will also be available soon, except for some ridiculous reason it's by prescription only. Here's a helpful step-by-step to demonstrate why this landscape of EC is insane.

Step 1: Uh oh! You got drunk at that party at Fiji house after the football game and had unprotected sex.

Step 2: Some girl you know tells you about this pill you can take after you have sex to make you not get pregnant.

Step 3: Sunday morning rolls around and you walk-of-shame to the nearest pharmacy where you work up the nerve to ask the 17 year old working the register for the "morning after pill."

Step 4: "Which one?" The 17 year old asks. "Uhh..." you respond.

Step 5: The kid says, "There's regular Plan B, which is 2 pills and costs $xx, Plan B One Step that's one pill and costs $50, and the generic called Next Choice which costs $xx. If you want to use your insurance, you have to get the generic."

Step 6: You turn around and see a line of customers behind you and, red-faced, you leave the store so you can call 1-800-Not-2-Late and figure out what the fuck this kid is talking about.

Step 7: It's too late to take emergency contraception now...guess it's babytime for you!

*I mean among people who are actual scientists.

Young women and IUDs

2009-08-21T14:13:00.000-07:00

Dear G2G,

I'm 20 and I want to get an IUD. I will have safe sex unless I'm monogamous. Thoughts?

Gina

Dear Gina,

IUDs are great but they're not right for everyone. You can read my past post about them here. The FDA and the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists changed their recommendations a few years ago so women who havent had children are candidates for the IUD.

The hitch for young women can sometimes be getting a provider who will acutally insert an IUD for you. Unlike writing a prescription for a drug, not all doctors or nurse practitioners are trained to insert IUDs, so your doctor may not be able to do it. Call and find out. I hear from women regularly that if they bring up the IUD during their regular annual appointment, they get the brush off. So you should call your doc's office and find out if they even do IUDs and, if they do, you'll need to schedule an "IUD consultation" where they will measure your uterus to make sure it can hold an IUD and run some STI tests to make sure you get treatment for anything that's hanging out in your girl parts.

If your doctor doesn't do IUDs, call your local Planned Parenthood clinic.

Good luck!
GTG

Texas Education Standards are ANTI-Abstinence!

2009-08-13T14:35:00.000-07:00

I'm pretty sure this isn't what Nancy Reagan meant...

I didn't think it was possible, but after a close reading of the Texas Essential Knowledge Standards for Health Education (better known to Texans as the TEKS), it turns out Texas isn't in favor of abstinence after all!

From Chapter 115 of the Texas Essential Knowledge and Skills for Health Education Subchapter C. High School:

115.32, b. 7: (G) analyze the relationship between the use of
refusal skills and the avoidance of unsafe situations such as sexual abstinence (emphasis mine)

Apparently the most urgent need in Texas education is a thorough understanding of sentence construction since I'm pretty sure they don't want people like me to teach students to just say no to abstinence. But considering what the wingnuts over at the Heritage Foundation are up to these days, they clearly think that we are, in fact, teaching kids that abstinence is unsafe. Except, actually, we're kind of right...

Most Extreme Wedding Gift Challenge: Power Mixer or Power Vibrator?

2009-08-11T11:57:00.000-07:00

As an in-demand friend, sister, and sex expert, I've been invited to 4 (that's right--four) out of town weddings this summer for which I am scraping together the cash to buy both plane tickets and gifts for the happy couples.

Don't get me wrong, I like high-quality kitchen appliances as much as the next girl (and I actually know how to cook, zing!) but when I'm thinking about what influence I want to have on the young married life of my closest friends, I'm thinking less "KitchenAid" and more "marital aid."

For engagement/shower gifts I've purchased the following:

the Sportsheets Under the Bed Restraint set

the Ryder butt plug

the Laya Spot vibrator

At one wedding I heard tell of a couple who, after getting married, gave every couple they knew a sex swing for their nuptials.

So the question is this: do I go for the pink hand mixer or the pink vibrator? The NFL Team tailgate set or the Fleshlight?

Unexpectedly Hilarious...Vibrating Mascara

2009-07-30T12:12:00.000-07:00

Does anybody remember those "SquigglyPens" that were popular back in the early 90s? I remember a friend of mine* getting one as a birthday present in the 6th grade and it took us girls approximately 2 seconds after turning it on and writing our names to realize that, hey, this could double as a vibrator. And how.

So imagine my delight the other night at seeing a commercial during CSI: Miami for the Newest! Most! Amazing! Mascara! Innovation! EVER!!!, the Maybelline Pulse Perfection Vibrating Mascara. 7,000 vibrations a minute! 7 different sensuous vibrating patterns to make putting on mascara the most...orgasmic experience of your morning?

Even more hilarious is the list of features they promise this mascara will provide your eyes:

1. Luscious Thickness

2. Luxurious Length

3. Smooth Separation

4. Intense Color

5. Shapely Curve

6. Healthy Luster

7. Zero Clumps

Okay. They're clearly really into using the number 7, but look at that list: it's not hard to imagine those phrases describing, I don't know, a man's particulars. Even better are the verbal instructions in the video:

"Keep the button pressed for constant vibrations...Continuing to hold the on button, place the brush at the base ... and move it toward the tips...doing what no hand can do alone." (emphasis mine)

I know that we're in a moment right now of health and beauty products that apparently are made more awesome by unnecessary vibration.* Even dude products are doing it. I am pretty old-fashioned when it comes to making products have weird features of other, unrelated products so I can't vouch for whether these razors make shaving that much more amazing or if this mascara really does make your lashes look like a drag queen's.

My chief concern is whether those who are unable to purchase real sex toys because of their age will be able to get off with these things without alerting their parents to the fact that they have secured a vibrator.

*it was totally me

iPhone App FAIL: Purity Ring

2009-07-15T13:30:00.001-07:00

From the archives of You've Got to Be Fucking Kidding Me, Island Wall Entertainment has just released an iPhone App called, I kid you not, Purity Ring. This "application" has all the ineffective, boring bells and whistles of church-based purity pledge cards, but without all that annoying standing up in front of a group of your peers and signing the paper nonsense.

You can take the pledge by merely listening to some audio on your iPhone, and then confirm that you really, really mean it. Then you receive the ultimate gift of a super classy "Timeless Digital Spinning Purity Ring" which will probably infect your iPhone long past the time you've given up your virgin ass to that guy from youth group.

From the company's press release to Christian News Wire,

"The App has a built in pledge for both [!] genders that contains a pre-recorded pledge that...Island Wall Entertainment believe[s] will compliment existing pledges and traditional Purity Rings whilst potentially reaching a completely new international demographic and spreading the word of benefits of staying pure until marriage."

What are those benefits, exactly? Oh right...

You can even send your "pledge" to that guy from youth group that you want to bang, since everyone knows that the people who really go in for this stuff are horny, unsatisfied Christian teenagers who manage to get more tail than anyone.

And in case you're wondering what other apps Island Wall Entertainment has come up with, here you go.

h/t Feministing

Sex is Magic: Or, Orgasms in Health Class?

2009-07-14T11:41:00.000-07:00

Via the Huffington Post's Lazy Bloggers Who Apparently Can't Do Their Own Reporting, a unit of England's National Health Service has put together a brochure for parents and people who work with young people* that advises that, in addition to good nutrition and exercise, semi-regular orgasm could help maintain good health. The document was written by the Centre for HIV and Sexual Health, part of Sheffield's National Health Service office (!).

Unfortunately, the actual document in question is not available online, but the Centre offers a training for health promotion people called "Pleasure Pursuits" that promises the following:

Introducing sexual pleasure in sexual health promotion
This two-day course will provide participants with an opportunity to explore the rationale behind incorporating sexual pleasure in sexual health promotion work with:
• Young people
• Lesbian, gay and bisexual people
• People from BME communities
• Disabled people
• Gender issues
By the end of the course participants will have been given the opportunity to:
• Discuss blocks and barriers
• Identify practical strategies and exercises for addressing sexual pleasure
• Explore sexual language and early messages
• Explore physiology

The Sheffield Centre's Director, Steve Slack, had this to say in an editorial for SHINE, the organization's newsletter:

The critics of improved sex and relationships education seem to think we live in a society in which the denial of appropriate sex and relationships education will protect young people from predatory adults and abuse; a soft-focus ‘Youth-topia’ where young people will be imbued with all the knowledge, skills and experience to negotiate safe, pleasurable consensual sex the first time they engage in sexual activity; a ‘Youth-topia’ where there is a consistent and infallible ethos to ensure the rights of children which protects them from all forms of sexual, physical and emotional abuse; a ‘Youth-topia’ in which young people’s sexual awareness is only awakened when they meet their prince or princess, fall in love, marry and live happily ever after. Those days of innocence have gone – but did they ever exist? Or were children bullied and
abused as they are now, with the additional insult to their sense of selves of being gagged by society?

The comments sections of both the Times UK and the HuffPo's articles make clear that lots of people who don't know what they're talking about think that acknowledging that teenagers can have pleasaurable sexual experiences is bad. But one thing this NHS office does understand is how to get people's attention on health issues that most people would rather avoid: they also publish the surely un-put-downable "Start Talking Balls: Information and Advice on Testicular Cancer."

Maybe I should move to England...these seem like my people.

*not for the kids themselves, as both HuffPo and the Times UK say. This appears to be a case of lazy reporting, wherein bloggers repost stuff from other news sources without bothering to do any reporting like, you know, looking at the actual website of the organization in question. The actual description, from the NHS website, is this: "Why and how to raise the issue of sexual pleasure in sexual health work with young people. An innovative new booklet is for those who work with young people and looks at why raising the issue of sexual pleasure in this work contributes to positive health outcomes. It also gives tips and ideas on how to raise the issue with groups of young people and individuals."

Dr. Ruth's Sex Advice for Single Women

2009-07-07T11:36:00.001-07:00

Dr. Ruth's Sex Advice for Single Women

Shared via AddThis

First of all, I'm so glad that after the last few weeks of celebrity death after celebrity death, Dr. Ruth is still alive and kicking. Secondly, I love that she promotes vibrators for older women whose husbands may predecease them.

However, I have to quibble with her statement that if you can't come without a vibrator, you have a problem: if you can come at all, you don't have a problem. If you have a partner who gets pissy if you come with a vibrator, your partner has a problem.

Buy these condoms. No, really.

2009-07-01T10:20:00.000-07:00

It's been a long time since the last time I directed readers to purchase condoms (Kimono Type E, I still love you). But if you're in the market for condoms (and I hope you are), you need to try Crown. They're Japanese, they're even thinner than Kimonos, and they're tinted pink so they blend into the skin pretty well. I'm serious--go buy some and use them on a penis near you.

How do you buy "My First Vibrator" when it's not for you?

2009-06-30T12:11:00.001-07:00

The SaSi, exclusively at Babeland

Dear Go-To Girl,

My sister has never used a vibrator---can you believe that??? She will not insert anything so I think she just needs something to stimulate her clitoris. But nothing wimpy----- I want it to be mind blowing!!! Thanks for your help!!!

Jackie

Dear Jackie,

What a great sister you are! I love my siblings but I don't think even I would ever buy any of them sex toys--I think they would probably disown me.

For clitoral stimulation, you have a couple of options. The most basic and inexpensive is a bullet-style vibrator, which is held in the hand. The Bnaughty is small and has a "velvet" plastic texture, which means it will provide some friction against the skin of the vulva and clitoris, which is key. Bnaughty features multiple speeds and isn't too loud, which is an important feature for women trying out their first vibe who might be nervous about kids or housemates hearing their toy.

The heavy artillery comes in the form of the Hitachi Magic Wand, which will reliably take most women from zero to orgasm in about 60 seconds. The Hitachi is legendary--Samantha famously burned through one on "Sex and the City"--but it's neither delicate in its touch nor low in decibel level. But the Magic Wand has a very loyal user base because it always does the trick. It also plugs into the wall so your sister will never need to buy batteries.

For the clit-stim connoisseur, the Nea by Lelo is a small, handheld vibrator that is rechargeable. It has a slight curve which makes it easy to be in contact with the clit without making your hand too tired. Made out of hard plastic, this toy will glide over your girl parts with ease. Small enough to be used during sex with a partner, too.

Another idea, though it's not technically a vibrator, is the super-luxe SaSi from Babeland. I don't normally recommend toys I haven't tried myself, but this one seems so cool that I don't want to leave it out. The SaSi has small beads inside that are meant to replicate the feeling of a tongue on your clit. Sounds good to me.

Here's a video explaining how it works:

Good luck! And if you order through any of the links in this post, Babeland gives me 20% of the purchase price for sending business their way.

Love,
Go-To Girl

Back From Vacation: Hello, Syphilis!

2009-06-24T08:11:00.000-07:00

One of the campaign's comic strips.

Don't worry mom and dad, I don't have syphilis. However, syphilis is my favorite sexually transmitted infection, mostly because I love the words associated with it (syphilitic, chancre, tertiary) and I also love that anybody who's anybody in history who didn't die violently in armed conflict probably died of syphilis.

Syphilis has been on the rise for a while now in states as varied as Michigan and Vermont, and its made a huge comeback in cities like Houston and New York. According to my sources at the Austin Travis County Department of Health and Human Services STD Prevention Program, the syph is also on the rise here in Austin.

So I was overjoyed when reading Babeland's blog to discover that the San Francisco Department of Public Health has refreshed their Healthy Penis campaign devoted to identifying syphilis in gay men. Part of me has a hard time imagining gay men in San Francisco being persuaded to do anything by these cartoons but apparently the campaign has been a success.

Public sexual health efforts in San Francisco sometimes, if we're lucky, trickle down to the rest of the country so while I don't envision plush penises walking around Texas promoting STI testing, maybe San Francisco's cheeky, sex positive approach will have some effect on programs here. Here's an example: the Houston Department of Health and Human Services website--which contains no photos of genitalia or cartoon penises--displays the following warning at the bottom of the page:

This site contains HIV prevention messages that may not be appropriate for all audiences. Since HIV is spread primarily through sexual practices or by sharing needles, prevention messages on this site may address these topics. HIV prevention materials funded by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) must be approved by local materials review panels. If you are not seeking such information or may be offended by such materials, please exit this website.

Gotta love Texas.

*For an interesting (but old) powerpoint on the history of syphilis, click here.

This Ain't Your Mother's Rhythm Method

2009-05-26T19:04:00.000-07:00

image from cyclebeads.com

While under normal circumstances people who report using "natural family planning" are about as close to my heart as college students who report using "withdrawal," I've become a fan as of late of the Cycle Beads, which are a method of "natural" family planning developed by the Institute for Reproductive Health at Georgetown University. The Cycle Beads, based on the Standard Days Method, are a string of 32 differently-colored beads that represent the different stages of the menstrual cycle and when sex is likely and unlikely to result in pregnancy.

Previously, effectively using natural family planning required a lot of hassle like repeated daily temperature taking, examination of vaginal mucus, etc. For people who weren't able to keep up with the demands and accurately determine on which days they were actually at risk so they could avoid sex, natural family planning had a really high rate of accidental pregnancy.

Cycle Beads take a lot of the risk of idiocy out of the method by making it really, really easy for users to figure out when they are likely to get pregnant so they can avoid sex or use condoms on those days. The beads are cheap, too--you can buy them online for about $10-12 and they never expire or run out. There aren't any side effects, either--no loss of sex drive, no moodiness, no weight gain--but you must use condoms or not have sex on the days the beads say you're at risk or else you may have the biggest side effect of all: pregnancy.

When used consistently and correctly, Cycle Beads/Standard Days Method was found to be 95% effective at preventing pregnancy. You can read the scholarly articles here. Obviously, you must have a regular menstrual cycle for any method of natural family planning to work, but if you do then Cycle Beads are worth a shot. They can also be used by those who are trying to get pregnant.

If you want to learn more or figure out if Cycle Beads are right for you, their website has a handy screening tool you can try.

Time to Check-In with R. Kelly

2009-05-22T07:48:00.000-07:00

picture via Entertainment Weekly

I realize that few (read: none) of my readers share my appreciation (read: obsession) for R. Kelly but it's been so long since I've heard anything about my old pal that I clicked his name into Google News to see what's going on in Kells' world.

He's selling his bar on Craigslist, for one, so things can't be that great. I don't know about you, but when I hear Kelly sing about stepping up out the club with 2 chicks that both got dizzy heads and legs, taking them home to pop some bub (read: champagne) and puff some dro, I don't picture it happening near this weird Looney Tunes bar.

Maybe he's just doing some renovations to his crib, but I hope this doesn't indicate bad financial times for Kells.

By the way, if you still haven't seen "Trapped in the Closet," you should watch it right now. There are new chapters set to drop this summer so it might be time for everyone to enjoy a retrospective. Before things get real freaky.

More Evidence Antidepressants are Bad

2009-05-21T05:30:00.000-07:00

Image from time.com

I'm well known for being an antidepressant hater because of their well-documented effects on sexual desire and orgasm. I should note that the debate continues about whether antidepressants are at fault in all cases or whether those taking them had low desire to begin with, since many times decreased desire for sex is a symptom of depression itself. Whatever.

I'm less well known as an alumnae of Mr. Jefferson's University (aka the University of Virginia) and occasionally read the lame alumni magazine they send me. So imagine my surprise when I read this article in the new issue, which had this to say:

"Biological anthropologist Helen Fisher of Rutgers University and U.Va. psychiatrist James Thomson (Med '74) theorize that the possibility of love itself is blunted by SSRIs (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors), the most common type of antidepressants. They say they've seen evidence that antidepressants alter brain chemistry in a way that reduces the chance a person can fall in love or feel strong romantic attachment."

This is big, I think--while there are patients for whom antidepressants are absolutely necessary, as someone who has been the romantic partner of someone taking these drugs, this speaks to my experience to a certain extent. So we can add "inability to fall in love" to the list of reasons taking antidepressants might not actually be a good way to treat depression. But this is a challenge to Science to figure out how to treat medical conditions in a way that doesn't turn people into feelingsless robots. Prescribing physicians (especially psychiatrists) need to be forthcoming with patients about sexual side effects and understand that, for some patients, these effects are totally intolerable. But that's another post.

You've Gotta be F-ing Kidding Me: Douching with LYSOL?!?

2009-05-19T07:06:00.001-07:00

via Oddee

Occasionally a student of mine--usually a very smart, pre-med, super adorable, great female student will ask me the question that vexes me every time: "Is douching really bad?" Obviously, douching is bad. Don't ever do it. Ever. For any reason. Not even after your period. Not even with just water.

But where the fuck did douching even come from? Obviously, I like to blame doctors (in the aggregate, of course, not any individual doctor [wink]) for just about everything that's wrong with sex and sexual health, but today I discovered something that blew even my mind.

The above ad is for Lysol--you know, the stuff used to clean truck stop bathrooms and prisons? The ad is promising women who have "been locked out" from their husband by "intimate neglect" (i.e., not putting out) should just use Lysol to douche their vag to "banish the misgivings that often keep married lovers apart." I'm assuming that by "often" they mean "monthly" and the "misgiving" that sex during or after your period is "gross" and "doucheworthy."

The most curious part of the ad copy is that Lysol promises that after douching, "appealing daintiness is assured." I thought to myself, Hmm, that doesn't sound like the way I would use "dainty" which I think of meaning "cute and little"--perhaps there's another meaning? And sure enough, one of the meanings is "pleasing to the taste" or "something considered choice to eat."

I'm always amazed at how revisionist our perceptions of sex in the 1950s are; despite the Kinsey Reports that demonstrated both men and women, married and not, were pretty fucking sexually interesting back in the day, we think all those vacuum cleaners and martinis after work and Leave it to Beaver separate beds meant nobody was having good sex. But what we have here is an ad for Lysol promising women that if they douche with it (again, OUCH), their husbands will be all about eating them out.

While we're collectively much more anti-douche these days and the douches that are out there are usually made of things that aren't necessarily appealing to the taste (vinegar + vagina = gross) I've never seen an ad for Massengill promising a gal that she'll get her bits licked.

Q: Does Withdrawal Deserve Another Look? A: Seriously?

2009-05-18T11:18:00.001-07:00

Breaking news from my pals at the Guttmacher Institute: withdrawal is an effective birth control method! But why don't more people use it and, furthermore, why don't doctors talk about it as an option? Here's their headscrataching concluding paragraph:

Although withdrawal may not be as effective as some contraceptive methods, it is substantially more effective than nothing. It is also convenient, requires no prior planning and there is no cost involved. Consistent dual use of withdrawal in conjunction with hormonal, barrier or other methods could constitute an effective contraceptive strategy. Health care providers and health educators should discuss withdrawal as a legitimate, if slightly less effective, contraceptive method in the same way they do condoms and diaphragms. Dismissing withdrawal as a legitimate contraceptive method is counterproductive for the prevention of pregnancy and also discourages academic inquiry into this frequently used and reasonably effective method. (page 10)

Earth to Guttmacher researchers, people do use it--here at the U of T at A, withdrawal (aka "pull and pray") is our 3rd most popular contraceptive method. And doctors do know about it, because it's listed in the method effectiveness table in Contraceptive Technology which appears in every single box of condoms, pack of birth control pills, and diaphragm container. There's actually a whole chapter on it in the 19th edition of Contraceptive Technology that features this extremely important point that Guttmacher fails to note, from the section "Disadvantages and Cautions":

"One reason for contraceptive failure may be a lack of the self-control demanded by the method. With impending orgasm, men (and women) experience a mild to extreme clouding of consciousness [!*] during which coital movement becomes involuntary. The man may feel the urge to achieve deeper penetration at the time of impending orgasm and may not withdraw in sufficient time to avoid depositing semen in his partner's vagina or on her external genitalia...For some couples, interruption of the excitement or plateau phase of the sexual response cycle may diminish pleasure." (pg. 339)

Contraceptive Technology, at least, acknowledges that there are pleasure implications of the withdrawal method that make it undesirable. Furthermore, I call bullshit on using withdrawal in conjunction with another method -- to do so is just paranoid. In my professional work, I encounter guys who pull out despite the fact that they're wearing a condom and the girl is on the pill, just because they are Completely Fucking Terrified of the girl getting pregnant. Those guys are not enjoying the sex they do have, because they're wearing a life jacket and a helmet and jumping off the raft before it goes over the waterfall. What's fun about that?

*I refer to this as "under the fuckluence," defined as "under the influence of fucking." As in, "I meant to use a condom but once we got started I was under the fuckluence and couldn't stop."

The Rules of STI Disclosure

2009-05-14T09:19:00.001-07:00

Tertiary, Brain-Eating Syphilis.
And you thought HPV was scary?

Q: What are your "rules" in terms of sti disclose? Always before sexual activity no matter the type of STI?*

A: It depends on the circumstances. In the case of a one-time encounter, if safe practices are insisted upon and used (condoms, dental dams, etc.) then I think the infected partner can use their discretion about whether to disclose. If someone is willing to have casual sex, they should be willing to assume some risk therein. But the infected person has to be reasonably sure that they're never going to date the person or see them again, because if they find out later that you withheld that info, that can be a big violation of trust and hurt potential intimacy between the two. And if you're using barrier methods anyway, you're being as safe as you can be.

If a person is dating someone that they hope to continue dating, it's a good idea to disclose prior to any activity that presents risk. But more importantly, people who intend on fucking someday should ASK about STIs and when the person was last tested, sooner rather than later. I usually ask about it right up front. Of course, I'm sex educator so I can get away with asking questions like that and it not seeming out of character, but it's a question people have the right to ask. It's an awkward conversation, but usually I condition it with something like, "Hey, let's have a really awkward, uncomfortable conversation for a minute; I don't have any sexually transmitted infections, do you?"

Almost without exception, the person replies, "No, I was just tested X months ago and haven't had sex with anyone since/have used condoms every time" or "You know, it's been a while since I got tested, I should do that." The only time someone has balked I ultimately broke up with them over it, because they were clearly just not smart about the reality of risk they faced, something that, in my line of work, I can't abide.

If a person has gonorrhea, chlamdyia, or syphilis, they should be treated and finish treatment before having sex, and then they don't need to disclose--because those STIs are curable. It's not necessary, in my view, to talk about STI history if you have had something you know has been cured. But ongoing infections, like HIV and herpes, do need disclosure and behavior monitoring to reduce the risk.

With HIV, obviously, condoms are always necessary no matter what. With herpes, if the infected person is on treatment (Valtrex or other antiviral) and hasn't had an outbreak for a period of months, the risk of transmission is insanely low. Disclosure is necessary, but the person with herpes can assuage the fears of their partner by saying, "I take Valtrex, I always use condoms, I've been tested so I know I don't have any other STIs, and I haven't had an outbreak for X months." That's the best you can do, and if the partner freaks out, they're probably not worth dating.

As for HPV, I just don't care. I have students who come in all the time who are like, "OMG my girlfriend was just diagnosed with 'high risk HPV,' do I have to tell everyone I have sex with in the future?" And usually I tell them that if they want to earn their Scouts Honor badge by telling, they can, but since everyone has HPV, if they're using condoms, they're doing as much as they can to reduce the risk. And besides, the chances they will have sex with someone else who has HPV at some point are like 100%. And for the last f-ing time, the Pap Smear is the most effective cancer screening tool in medicine and it detects almost all cervical cancer and pre-cancerous changes. And if you have genital warts, you have genital warts. So for fuck's sake, stop freaking out about HPV. Merck is just trying to scare you into spending $500 on their vaccine.

So those are my 'rules.' Hope that helps!

GTG

*I'm not discussing the far less common, but no less annoying, STIs here like hepatitis (that is a vaccine you need to get), chancroid, molluscum, crabs, scabies, etc. You can learn more about them at the American Social Health Association links above.

My First Vibrator: What to Buy?

2009-05-12T06:26:00.000-07:00

The Slimline.

Indulge me in relaying a first-time vibrator story: a certain someone, her freshman year at a small women's college, ventured to the Toy Box in Upland, California late at night and purchased a hard plastic Slimline vibrator. It was baby blue, took C batteries, and it died after less than a week.

The Slimline is an iconic sex toy; whenever a goofy movie character discovers a mom's vibe in a drawer, it's invariably a Slimline. But is it really the best choice for a first-time vibe?

Frankly, I don't think so. First of all, it's large--eight inches long and one and a half inches in diameter. For those of you who don't remember geometry, that's almost five inches in circumference--big.

Secondly, it's cheap--the motor is poorly made and either burns out or starts to rattle loudly (or both) very rapidly. If you're living in a dorm room, silence is key. Lastly, most women who purchase sex toys buy them for clitoral stimulation, not insertion, so the Slimline just isn't the right object. The hard plastic provides no friction, meaning it doesn't pull against the skin of the vulva, and the vibrations aren't localized in one place which is what you want on the clit.

So what should the vibrator first-timer buy? If you want focused sensation but need something cheap, try the Silver Bullet. At $15, it uses AA batteries (which are so much cheaper and easier to get than Cs) so when it breaks after a few months you won't be out a bunch of money and left with a stack of batteries you can't use for anything else.

If you want something insertable, I'd start out with something a little smaller than Slimline. The Velvet Jewel Vibe is plastic, which means it's not covered with any yucky phthalate-containing jelly substances, but it has the new-ish "velvet" finish, which means it will provide some friction where you need it. Plus it has rhinestones. And at four inches by .75 inches in circumference, this toy is a great place to start out with insertion play that won't leave you thinking, 'Wow, I should've bought lube.'

And just for fun, here's the trailer for my favorite movie where a goofball character discovers a mom's vibrator: Baseketball.

Tell me about your first time...

2009-05-07T14:29:00.000-07:00

Well, don't tell me. But tell Abby at Deflowered, a website devoted to blowing the lid off of the loss of virginity.

Since we're all being assaulted by the house of horrors that is Bristol Palin's hard-knock life of teenage motherhood, reading stories about sex that are not based on stupidity and panic is refreshing.

Here's their perspective:

In addition to their entertainment value, these stories offer subtle commentary
on the female experience of virginity in a culture where "saving" yourself for
marriage is no longer the norm but the stigma of "losing it" has not been
completely shed. While there is no professional analysis and no attempt to make
a formal political or cultural comment on the topic, the narratives address the
subject naturally as they recount the varied hopes and expectations the writers
had regarding their virginity as well as their feelings after it's loss. In
presenting these shocking, funny, and sometimes sad first hand accounts,
Deflowered seeks to personalize the female experience in a way that other books
on the topic have failed, and, in doing so, subvert the notion that something is
always "lost" when a girl makes the initial jump from virgin to vixen...

In case you're wondering, I haven't submitted...yet. But when I do, it'll be under a nom de plume so you'll have to try and figure out who's me. But I will say this: we did not know then what we know now about nonoxynol-9 condoms.

You can read the memoirs that are already up here.

OMFG

2009-05-06T07:13:00.000-07:00

see more pwn and owned pictures

Q: Can girls get blue balls? A: Yes

2009-05-05T10:37:00.001-07:00

photo credit

Dear Go-To Girl,

Last night I was having sex and I didn't come. Obviously, I was not happy about this. But afterwards I got into the shower and started having these really bad cramps that came in waves. WTF?

Jessie

Dear Jessie,

Even though we ladies don't have the flagpole indicator that guys do, during arousal the genital region (aka "your area") gets similarly engorged with blood, a stage called vasocongestion. The vagina gets puffy, red, and wet--the reuslt of bloodflow to the pelvis. Blood vessels in the genitals are designed to fill up with blood and then constrict, so that the lubrication and such stays around while you're having sex.

Vasocongestion is supposed to go away with orgasm--chemicals are released to make those blood vessels open back up and drain back into your system. If you don't have an orgasm, the vessels drain slowly, which can cause cramping--guys know this feeling as blue balls but it can happen to women, too.

If this happens again and it's especially painful for you, feel free to grab a vibrator or whatever you need to get yourself off. But it isn't an indicator of a serious problem with your body and the pain shouldn't last.*

GTG

*It can be an indicator of a woman seriously wanting to punch a dude in the face. Or so I've heard ;)

Toy Review: Fun Factory Smart Balls

2009-04-29T06:14:00.000-07:00

Fun Factory's Smart Balls

It's been a while since I did a toy review, and with the impending apocalypse signaled by the swine flu panic, I figured "What better time to encourage masturbation than the few weeks preceding inevitable quarantine?" So here goes.

Fun Factory's Smart Balls are, ostensibly, an exercise toy: intended to strengthen the PC muscles, they are especially useful for women who have gone through vaginal childbirth or some other traumatic pelvic event and want to tone up their PC muscles. But they're also useful for women who aren't starting from scratch.

The balls are, like all of Fun Factory's toys, made of high quality materials--in this case, silicone. Each ball houses another, smaller ball that rattles when moved, causing involuntary muscle contraction. You can also use them for intentional Kegel exercises and push and pull them, but they are best used for incidental entertainment, like while vacuuming. Or something.

Smart Balls are designed to be small enough to fit inside the vagina and, if the muscles are strong enough, be held there during other activities, like masturbation or anal sex.

Like any good toy intended to be inserted and left in, Smart Balls have a string so you can pull them out. The silicone construction means they can be sanitized with soap and water.

At $28, the Smart Balls are a great investment. Check out this video from Babeland detailing even more ways to use 'em.

Ex-Masturbator: The T-Shirt?

2009-04-24T06:17:00.000-07:00

By way of the Huffington Post, there's a new anti-sex game in Christtown and it's called The Passion for Christ Movement, or P4CM. I'll let them speak for themselves:

Yeah we said it….Nobody talks about it, but most people have done it or are still doing it. It's seems to be a rite of passage for both girls and guys into the world of sex. Some say masturbation is not a sin, some say that it is. But is it really okay in the eyes of God?

They're absolutely right that nobody talks about masturbation, that most people are doing it, and that it's an introduction to sex. But I'm not so clear on why God might not be okay with it. I'm not sure they know, either, because I can't find anything on their website that explains why God hates self-love.

But they've got some other t-shirts, too: Ex-Bisexual, Ex-Hustler, Ex-Narcissist, and my favorite, Ex-Atheist.

While I'm all for accountability in religious faith, I'm definitely not convinced that the particular traits on these shirts are high on God's "stop doing that" list.

I do really like their pastor, though, Justin Cox. You can see videos of him preaching about "What men need to know about women @ church" parts 1 and 2. He says that you can't judge a woman by how she acts in church, and at least we can agree on that. No videos about masturbation, though.

Trojan's New "Fingertip Vibrator" for Your "Most Sensitive Area"

2009-04-22T05:57:00.000-07:00

Some of you know that I used to consult for Trojan so I want to fully disclose here: they didn't pay me to write this, nor did they send me one of their new, fabulous (?) Her PleasureTM Vibrating TouchR Fingertip Massager. (Thanks, W, for the tip via text)

The first time I watched this commercial I thought it was a Mad TV sketch. I have no idea why Trojan (owned by Church and Dwight, whose main product is actually Arm & Hammer Baking Soda) is going into the infomercial-mail-order sex toy business, but I'm intrigued.

My favorite part? Their "Tips At Your Fingertips"

Use finger to apply vibrations externally as desired. The Trojan Her Pleasure Vibrating Touch fingertip massager is designed to stimulate a woman's sensitive area.

Oh, I have a sensitive area? I wonder where it is. I would've recommended people use it on their clit.

If you're looking for a fingertip vibrator, the product you actually want is the Fokouku 9000. For 10 bucks more you get a product made of silicone (instead of yucky phthalate plastic) that works.

The upside to these products is that Trojan is bringing sex toys to Wal-Mart America. They succeeded in getting several stores that would never carry legitimate sex toys to carry their vibrating rings and this fingervibe and if that introduces some newbies to the world of toys, I'm all for it. But you, gentle readers, are far too advanced for this My (Grandma's) First Vibrator.

Q: "I want to try anal, but sometimes I bleed"

2009-04-19T18:01:00.000-07:00

Dear Go-To Girl,

I've been dying to try anal sex but there's one thing holding me back. Sometimes when I poop there is blood and I'm worried that having something like a penis in there would just rip me open. What's going on? Does this mean I can't ever try anal?

Brandy

Dear Brandy,

I'm not sure if Poison was talking about butt sex, but Bret Michaels once memorably sang:

Was it something I said or something I did
Did my words not come out right
Though I tried not to hurt you
Though I tried
But I guess that's why they say

Every rose has its thorn
Just like every night has its dawn
Just like every cowboy sings his sad, sad song
Every rose has its thorn

I'm not sure if Mr. Rock of Love was talking about anal, but I think the song is apropo here. The skin of the ano-genital area is super-rich with blood vessels to make it able to stretch significantly for childbirth. That means that when any little old thing happens down there--rough sex, a shaving nick, a particularly tough poop--you're likely to bleed. That bleeding is hemorrhoids--the result of swollen blood vessels under the skin of the rectum or anus.

Hemorrhoids are very, very common in the US--probably due to the generally poor state of the national diet. The most common preventative measure recommended by physicians is to increase your fiber and water intake.

As to your anal sex concern, there are definite ways around this problem. First, don't try any anal action when you've recently had a bleed. The skin usually heals very fast but it's not worth making it worse by putting something big in your anus.

You can have a doctor check out your parts, too--if you have internal hemorrhoids anal sex is probably a bad idea. But if all you have is a small section on your anus that routinely bleeds a little bit--an external hemorrhoid--then anal exploration will likely be fine.

When you're not experiencing any pain or bleeding, try stretching the muscles out with fingers, a butt plug, and lots of lube. Doing so may actually reduce your bleeding because, over time, you'll stretch out the skin of the anus.

If, with exploration and practice, you have bleeding and pain, don't go further. But I think if you go slow and steady and work up to a good size butt plug, anal sex should be well within your reach.

Read all about anal sex in Tristan Taormino's excellent "The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women."

Love,
Go-To Girl

More Weird Pube Grooming Stuff

2009-04-17T11:30:00.000-07:00

Current TV does an occasional series called "Target: Women" about weird commercial stuff related to the management of unruly, dirty, weird lady parts. This latest video covers the new, semi-subtle Schick Quattro "trim" commercial featuring vaguely metaphorical topiaries turning from ragged, weird shapes into sharp, common pubic hair shapes (triangles, landing strips, hearts, etc.). Gross.

I guess it's kind of close to summer/bathing suit season/whatnot so maybe that's why all of this is floating to the surface now. But...really?

The Sex Talk, Coming to a Boy Near You

2009-04-16T06:12:00.000-07:00

...
Blogs have been buzzing this week around doctor Perri Klass's article in the New York Times urging parents to talk to their sons about "respect" and, basically, that relationship violence and rape is bad.

It should be obvious to everyone that teenagers must be taught what "no" looks and sounds like (which, sometimes, is radio silence) but if they learn how to say "no" when the time comes, they also need to know when and how to say "yes."

Abstinence education only teaches one way to say "yes": within the context of heterosexual marriage. Since the vast majority of people have sex prior to marriage with someone to whom they are not later married, people figure out on their own how to say "yes" and a significant number of them, especially women, wind up having their "no" ignored, misinterpreted, or not heard over the din of the frat party and become victims of sexual assault.

Sex education is important to reduce unintended pregnancy and STIs, to be sure, but teaching teenagers that they have the right to to choose sex--to say "no" AND "yes"--is the most important lesson of all.

OMFG

2009-04-02T08:44:00.000-07:00

Look, I love the color pink. Most of my apartment decor is pink and/or orange. I love it. If it comes in pink, I probably have it in pink. My office is littered with pink lampshades, pens, highlighters, water bottles, clipboards, copies of Managing Contraception, boxes of strawberry Nerds, a hot pink painting of the Brooklyn Bridge...the list goes on. I really like pink.

But I was innocently looking for images of douches on Drugstore.com for an unrelated graphic design project and you'll never guess what I found...hot pink pubic hair dye. No, really. Fun Betty "Color For the Hair Down There" (tee hee) also comes in Blonde, Love (red), Malibu (aqua blue), and Brown.

Really?

Tip to Beauty's Spot.

2009-03-30T14:33:00.000-07:00

(Image from Men's Health)
Reverse Cowgirl

Hi Go-to girl!

First of all I want to convey that I love your blog and appreciate all the tips you give in it. I discovered it by chance a few months ago. So, I thought I'd finally take the time to ask two questions I'm curious to know the answer to. Hope you can answer them.

1. When on top, cowgirl style, do you have any tips on how to position oneself to gain maximum thrusting power? I feel like I can't quite get "things going".

2. Not a question related to technique or anything like that, but I'd love to know a couple of the things that you've experienced guys to have uttered/exclaimed in the moment of orgasm, whether during oral or *regular* sex. Would be fun and interesting to know. I know I've heard some funny, adorable and weird things during the times I've had sex.

Love,

Nicki

Dear Nicki,

Thanks! I love flattery! I also love that you love the tips I give. Really.

Generally speaking, girl-on-top rhythm, regardless of position, depends on two things: the shakiness of the bed/other surface you're on and whether you can get/maintain a rhythm with the guy you're on top of. If your bed is shaky, try doing it on the floor. You'll also be better anchored if you rest your knees on the sex surface instead of your feet. Squatting allows you to control how much of him is inside you, but it doesn't give you as much oomph and stability as being on your knees.

As to the second question, I don't kiss and tell (!) but there are generally two varieties of people who talk during sex: narrators and directors. Narrators give you a play-by-play of the action and, usually, tell you how hot it is every minute. Directors take the lead and tell you what to do and when, where, and how to do it. Both narration and direction can be hot, but you have my sympathies if you wind up in bed with someone who tries to do both. Talking during sex is hot because it punctuates the action; constant talking, on the other hand, is a turnoff.

That said, I honestly can't even remember anything notable that I've heard (or said). They say that the brain shuts down during orgasm which, for those who are inclined to say weird stuff at orgasm, is probably a good thing.

Love,

GTG

Vasectomy: The Gift That Keeps on Giving

2009-03-23T09:54:00.000-07:00

Vasectomy really is the gift that keeps on giving. And apparently an increasing number of guys are responding to the terrible economy (which has disproportionately affected men) by getting snipped.

Vasectomy is a simple procedure where the vas deferens are cut, cauterized, or plugged up so that sperm doesn't get into seminal fluid (read: "cum") and pregnancy doesn't happen. According to Managing Contraception, the failure rate is just .1%, which means that of 1,000 couples depending on vasectomy to prevent pregnancy, only one will get pregnant over the course of one year. Pretty good odds.

In the United States, vasectomy is not routinely intended as a reversible, long term method of birth control for men but in other countries (especially China) the procedure is increasingly seen as semi-permanent. Anyone who's driven on 290 between Houston and Austin has seen the giant billboards that shout "VASECTOMY REVERSAL."

In the States we're not onboard with the idea that vasectomy can be performed with the intent that it will later be reversed, but success rates continue to rise and eventually, the Big V will probably be used routinely for long term birth control for guys. I, for one, am happy to shift the burden of pregnancy prevention to guys. And really, it only hurts for a minute.

Cheap Contraceptives Back On Campus!

2009-03-11T13:05:00.000-07:00

Hooray for all girls in college who like to have sex and avoid getting pregnant: today Obama signed into law the new appropriations bill which will again allow college health centers (and other places) to purchase contraceptives from manufacturers at insanely low prices.

Planned Parenthood sent out a press release this morning heralding Congress' passage of the bill without fuss over the birth control measure, and Obama's John Hancock (nee Herbie Hancock, for you 'Tommy Boy' fans) makes it official.

It's impossible to say when this will actually take effect in college health centers but hopefully it will happen soon. The days of $5 Nuva Rings are back!

Love,
GTG

Remember the Iraq War? Yup, it's still on.

2009-02-26T14:19:00.000-08:00

Thanks to my pals over at Quaker House for these photos. In case you've forgotten, the war in Iraq is still on and soldiers are still coming home (or not).

These are from Camp Lejeune in North Carolina. Soldiers' wives or girlfriends paint these sheets with "come hither" messages to greet their soldier coming home. I love it.

Visit Quaker House's site.

It's Friday! Morning boners, Eskimo tacos, and fake threesome fantasies

2009-02-20T11:17:00.000-08:00

My sincerest apologies, dear readers, for being MIA the last few weeks. My day job gets tremendously busy around Valentine's Day so Go-To Girl has been busy busy. But I'm back, en force!

Three of you submitted questions this week so here they are.

This video features hedgehogs singing about some of the weirder vag-names I've ever heard. Prepare to laugh in pain.

Dear GTG,
A random conversation about eskimos led my boyfriend to proclaim that he could come up with 100 different names for vagina. Well, he only made it to 18 (and one of them was 'taco'). Are there 100 different names?
thanks!
Sandy Chronic

Dear Sandy,
With almost 8 billion people in the world surely someone, somewhere, has had time to put together a list of more than 100 words for vagina. And Eureka! That someone is the late, great George Carlin. Here's a link to his full list.
I couldn't independently verify that George Carlin actually came up with this list, but it's attributed to him. Here are some of the ones I actually hadn't heard:
Ace of Spades
Girl Street
Love Sponge
Venus Highway
That oughta be enough to keep your dirty talk engine going for a while.

I love it when you drive down my Girl Street,
Go-To Girl

Dear GTG,
Morning boners are hard to ignore. Sometimes I want to play with it, but mostly I want to brush my teeth and wake up first. What is the proper morning wood etiquette? If there is there such a thing, I know you know. And can you answer by tomorrow morning?
Thanks go to girl, you are my hero!
Mona

Dear Mona,
I'm assuming from your letter that you're sleeping with someone who has a morning boner and that you yourself don't have one, so that's how I'm going to proceed. I've never heard of any general etiquette for how to handle the wakeup hard-on, but you can certainly ask this penis-owner you're waking up with what he'd like you to do. If he wakes up giving you a "See that? Isn't it big?" look, you should oblige him from time to time. But if not, rest assured that morning boners are mostly an unconscious body function and not an indication of I-want-to-fuckness, so you're not rejecting the friendly neighborhood erection if you get up and brush your teeth.

Squeeze my love sponge,
GTG

Hello,
I am going crazy !! I really want my wife to do more with me. She has never given me a blow job, at least a complete one and I need that sooooo bad. But right now, I am dealing with wanting to actually engage in a sexual fantasy but am afraid of getting caught or hurting my marriage. Maybe at best I can get some feed back as to whether any other women would like my fantasy. It begins with two girls and myself. I want to watch the girls engage in 69 for a while, then I will join in by giving the girl on top a really good ass licking. From there we will exchange places as it goes on with everyone getting a turn at being on top, being on the bottom and being the one eating ass. The exchange where I will be on top, having my dick in a girls mouth and another licking my asshole is just too much for me. See, I am going crazy !!!
What do you think ??

Dear E.C.,
One of the giveaways that a letter is fake is when you can practically see the cum shot at the end of an email. But really? Your wife hasn't ever given you a blow job and you want to spring this totally porno fantasy on her? Good luck. If I were you, I'd check out one of the 10,000,000 threesome pornos out there.

You don't have a license to drive on my girl highway,
GTG

Arlington County: Hometown Heroes

2009-02-03T06:28:00.000-08:00

Thanks to fellow Arlingtonian J for this!

Those readers who know me personally know I hail from Arlington County (known to those of us who are natives as "The ARL"), the smallest (and greatest) county in the United States. Across the river from Washington, DC, Arlington has fantastic public schools (gooo, H-B Woodlawn!) due largely to the insane number of yuppie douchebags who pay high taxes but don't have children. That means that kids like me who came from working class families got to go to well-funded, kick-ass magnet schools.

My first memory of learning that sex education was controversial was in 5th grade when Ms. Cook taught our mandatory "Family Life Education" and I knew all the answers already, because my mom had taught us a class at church*. I shouted out answers like "condoms!" and "erection!" and "menstrual cramps!" and Ms. Cook called my mom to express her concern about how I "knew so much" at such a young age.

But Virginia was, like most states, caught up in the Abstinence Only Education frenzy of the Bush years and our relatively decent Family Life Education was rejected in favor of disproven ideological nonsense. Until hero-cum-governor Tim Kaine rejected the funding in 2007, that is. Now every jurisdiction in Virginia is required to conduct a study of the effects of the policy and figure out what needs to be done. DC's public radio station, WAMU, reports the story.

Being a natural leader, Arlington is the first county to finish the study and their results are startling:

a 19% increase in chlamydia cases
a 200% increase in syphilis cases
more than half of 12th graders are sexually active but fewer than 2/3 of those use condoms

Obviously. Teaching people that condoms don't work is a great way to ensure that they won't use them. Now begins the work of relearning these people. I guess I oughta call up my colleagues at my alma mater UVA and see if they need any help.

Lord only knows those suthunas don't need to be spreading syphilis.

*Quaker meeting

Sweaty Middle Aged Man Fetish?!

2009-02-02T10:30:00.000-08:00

Thanks to the Onion for this week's hilarity scoop, 'Asian Teen Has Sweaty Middle Aged Man Fetish.' I love the idea of fetishes getting turned on their heads, like girls who just love to tire out their inner thigh muscles by giving foot jobs or prefer to use semen to moisturize their chest and neck. Right.

And now on to today's Q & A.

Dear Go-To Girl,

I'm hyper-conscious about using condoms and so is my boyfriend. In fact, he orders Crown condoms special from the internets because they're so great. But we're getting more serious and I've gone on the pill. I know I want to use another method just in case...what about Vaginal Contraceptive Film?

Alicia

Dear Alicia,

Vaginal Contraceptive Film sounds like a great idea. It's thin, translucent, small, and dissolves in the vagina. But unfortunately VCF is a spermicide and spermicides are gross.

The pill is really, really effective. It prevents pregnancy by four different mechanisms, but the most important is that it inhibits ovulation. As long as you take it correctly (i.e., at the same time every day) you won't ovulate, and no egg means no baby.

If you don't feel comfortable having pill-only sex yet, keep using condoms. I know they make sex feel different, but so does childbirth. So relax, order another case of Crowns, and go forth and fuck appropriately.

Love,
GTG

It's the Big O-O-O-OMG!

2009-01-20T19:53:00.000-08:00

Thanks to my long lost pal C for the tip on this.

Have you been searching for a new sex toy to mark the beginning of the new administration but just aren't satisfied with the blase, nonpartisan appearance of most dildos currently on the market?

Really?

Well, then, this Barack Obama dildo is definitely for you.

While the Head O State O-O-Obama! dildo isn't made of silicone, the rubber is phthalate free. And that matters.

In keeping with the generous assumptions made about Obama's sexual prowess by the liberal, mainstream media, the dildo measures a mind-boggling 7 1/2 inches long and almost 2 inches in diameter. Which is huge. Really.

This thing is gonna be so hot that you'll be thanking your lucky stars for these freezable lube cubes.*

At the bargain price of $34.95, you'll have enough economic stimulus check left over to buy one for your best friend.

Happy Inauguration!

*Seriously, freezable lube cubes? Fuck yeah!

Happy Mother F-ing Inauguration Day!

2009-01-20T06:26:00.000-08:00

When Bill Clinton was inaugurated the first time I was a wee gal of twelve and my dad put aprons on my brother and me and took us down to the Mall to sell buttons. We sold them ("No War for Oil!" "Support the Troops: Bring them Home Now!") for $1 apiece and made oodles of cash.

I'm devastated not to be in Washington today but if I were, you can bet your bippy that I'd be selling these super sweet Obama condoms. Democrats like to fuck especially when there's some socially meaningful occasion, and this is just about the most important thing to have happened to the good people of the United States in, you know, decades.

I can only imagine what the scene will be like at Hawk 'n Dove, my favorite DC bar. Hopefully someone will be out on the Mall handing out rubbers; that's what I'll be doing here in Texas. But that's what I do every day.

This administration will be our best bet for getting rid of abstinence-only education, the fantasty that waiting until marriage is the "expected standard of human sexual behavior," the denial of health information and services to women that allow them to live healthy lives and control their fertility, and of course reduce barriers to abortion for women who must make that choice.

Make sure you tell Obama you want things to change.

Go forth and fuck appropriately (and fuckin' celebrate!),

GTG

Q: I want to get tested for "everything" A: No dice!

2009-01-16T07:56:00.000-08:00

The OraQuick HIV test.

Dear Go-To Girl,

I'm in a new relationship and want to stop using condoms with my boyfriend, so he and I are going to get tested to make sure we don't have anything. How do I get tested for everything?

Thanks,
Safety Girl

Dear SG,

The good news is that, Congratulations! You're totally responsible. The bad news is that there is no one test for "everything." Usually, when you go to the doctor and ask to be tested for STIs, they'll do a urine test that tests only for gonorrhea and chlamydia. So if, in the past, you've had a urine test for STIs, that's all you've been tested for.

To test for HIV, you can either do traditional blood test or an oral swab test. The blood test gets sent out to a lab and results can take a few days to come back, but the oral test can be read in 20-30 minutes. Syphilis is also a blood test, though to be tested for both HIV and syphilis you'll need to give 2 little vials of blood. Sorry about that.

Herpes is a slightly more complicated test. Most physicians are reluctant to test for herpes unless you have symptoms, because the test is very expensive. If you do have symptoms, the doctor can take some cells from a sore in the infected area and test them but if you're not having symptoms, they can do a blood test to check for antibodies.

If you haven't been vaccinated against Hepatitis A and B, you should get tested for those, too.

Women are screened for HPV via the annual Pap smear--and an abnormal Pap can show abnormal cells that are assumed to be caused by HPV, but the Pap doesn't test for HPV itself. According to the CDC, "yearly anal Pap tests [are recommended] for gay, bisexual, and HIV-positive men, since anal cancer is more common in these groups." (Thanks, O)

So, in short, to be tested for "everything," you need to be specific with your healthcare provider that you want a urine test, and HIV test, and a herpes test. If you haven't been vaccinated against HPV or the Hepatitises, do it.

And beyond just getting tested, you should get treated for any STIs you do have. Chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis are all curable with antibiotics; Herpes can be treated with Valtrex; HIV is manageable and treatable.

Go forth and fuck appropriately.

Love,
GTG

Tongue Tied After Popping Cherry? Read This.

2009-01-09T06:03:00.000-08:00

Via Found_Objects, this hilarious book details the proper etiquette for a lady who has been deflowered in any number of different ways. The poster claims that it was published in 1965; I don't care about its authenticity but it sure is funny.

For example:

Deflowerment on Cross Country Bus
Late at night on cross country bus, you are embarrassed by seizure of hiccups that disturbs other passengers. Man in adjoining seat helpfully says: "I've heard of a sure-fire cure for hiccups." After deflowerment, you say, "Thanks, my hiccups are gone." He says, "It always works."
You say, "Yes, but now I'm getting car sick."
Some people are bad travelers and nothing can be done about it.

Just in case you're anticipating an upcoming deflowerment, read up on the proper thing to say afterwards.

Happy New Year--Need a Sex Vacation?

2009-01-07T13:35:00.001-08:00

Okay, okay, I know it's been forever. But I was on vacation.

Do you need a vacation? Via Jayme Waxman, if you are a member of a happy, heterosexual, exhibitionist couple and would like to get paid $5000 to have sex in Jamaica, check this out:

Sensual Couples is looking for 4 real-life couples between the ages of 25
and 40 to perform in our first how-to title, "Sexual Positions for Lovers", to
be shot February 28 -- March 7, 2009 in Jamaica at the fantastic Hedonism II
Resort.
Couples will receive $5,000 US dollars, round trip airfare from any
major city in the continental US to Montego Bay, Jamaica and 7 nights at the
Hedonism II all inclusive resort, which includes room, all meals and activities.

Read the full post here. More soon.

Get me Al Gore! New Enviro-Disaster: Shorter Penises!

2008-12-13T16:29:00.000-08:00

Thanks, V, for this tip. My old pal Dr. Devra Davis has been writing about the feminizing effects of chemical exposures for years now, and I remember joking with her when I helped her proofread her book, When Smoke Ran Like Water, that if the threat of smaller penises and undescended testicles wasn't enough to get men in power to pay attention to the environment, then there was no hope for us as humans. Threaten their junk and boys start to listen. I've known that since the second grade.

In England, they're paying attention to the Serious Threat that is Smaller Penis Size. This shocking reveal was published in the UK's The Independent:

Indeed, new research at the University of Rochester in New York state shows that boys born to mothers with raised levels of phthalates were more likely to have smaller penises and undescended testicles. They also had a shorter distance between their anus and genitalia, a classic sign of feminisation. And a study at Rotterdam's Erasmus University showed that boys whose mothers had been exposed to PCBs grew up wanting to play with dolls and tea sets rather than with traditionally male toys.

While there's nothing wrong with boys who want to play with dolls and tea sets, hopefully this will help explain to the "homosexuality is a choice" blowhards that chemicals interact with genes to cause these effects. Which means that sexual orientation is genetic. Got that?
And guess where else phthalates are found? That's right, sex toys. Read my previous work about jelly toys here and here.

Andy Samberg--"Jizz in my pants"

2008-12-09T20:09:00.001-08:00

Really? This video is like a weird mix of Queer as Folk (don't tell me Andy doesn't seem like Brian Kinney) and Kanye West. I love Justin Timberlake's cameo as the janitor...and Meadow from "The Sopranos"? This shit is crazy.

GTG Classic: Open Letter to Larry Craig

2008-12-09T13:42:00.000-08:00

Remember Senator Larry Craig's Minneapolis airport sex sting last summer? No? Well, his attempt to withdraw his guilty plea was denied today, so in honor of his ongoing battle against the mistinterpretation of his "wide stance," I'm reprinting last summer's "Open Letter to Larry Craig." Enjoy!

Dear Senator Craig,

Call me a sucker, but I just have a thing for men embroiled in sex scandals. R. Kelly, Senator Vitter, President Clinton...the depths of my sympathy for me who love to fuck are limitless. It's obvious that you were entrapped by that douchebag cop who was totally playing a Daddy game with you during that interrogation. I'll bet there are guys on Craigslist seeking just such a sexual encounter. I imagine it would their ads would something like this:*

I'm a regular gay guy and, what can I say? I have a fantasy of being entrapped
by a cop in an airport bathroom for "violating privacy."
Here's what I
want--a cop (or someone with access to pretty real-looking cop regalia) to meet
me in a bathroom and then bust me for trying to solicit sex. You'll demean me
during interrogation and belittle me for disappointing the people who vote for
me, and make sure to give a laundry list of the signals that gay men have used
for centuries to solicit sex without involving unsuspecting straight people in
the process.
Obviously, after you bust me we'll have to actually have
sex--that's part of the fantasy. But I won't tell your cop superiors if you
don't tell my constituents.
Email me soon! I keep my BlackBerry at close hand and travel through Minneapolis all the time. Let's make it happen!

I wish you hadn't resigned; not only is it perfectly fine to troll for guys in airport bathrooms, the Republican party needs to be taken to task for its patently bullshit condemnation of you and forgiveness of Vitter.

Whatever happens to you, I hope that you can keep having sex with guys in airports--surely it's hot--and that your wife will wipe off some of that eyeliner. She's no Tammy Faye.

Love,

Go-To Girl

*Yes, readers, I posted this ad on Craigslist.

Karma Chameleon.

2008-12-05T06:21:00.001-08:00

If you look of pictures of me as a kid dressed up in sequined, crazy dance outfits (thanks, A) standing in the living room (yes, my life has been one big game of dress up) you will see the Culture Club album in the family record box (a fruit crate, we were so bohemian) behind me.

I vividly remember the video for "Karma Chameleon" (it's really weird) having to do with pretty people dressed up in antebellum-looking clothes (there are slaves, gentry, prostitutes, and a riverboat) and throwing lots of fake gold coins around.

So it's kind of ironic that Boy George was recently convicted of "falsely imprisoning" a male escort. With handcuffs.

Um, was this the escort's first time? Did he not know that Boy George is, um, pretty well documented as being a little freaky?

Obviously escorts should be able to consent to sex and any BDSM elements but handcuffs are just so banal! Anwyay...just a little fun for your weekend.

The Ultimate Love Triangle Herpes Ethics Question

2008-12-02T05:53:00.001-08:00

In a love triangle? Ask Tila Tequila for help.

Dear Go-To Girl,
I'm sleeping with this girl who's an old friend of mine. We're keeping things casual. I have genital herpes; she knows. I take Valtrex and I haven't had an outbreak in ages. Here's the question: I know that the girl I'm seeing is also sleeping with another guy in our circle of friends. Am I obligated to tell him that I have herpes, since there's a possibility he might be at risk?
Jerry

Dear Jerry,
You know how I feel about herpes.* So given that you 1) haven't had an outbreak in ages and 2) t his girl you're sleeping with knows you have herpes and 3) are taking Valtrex, I don't think you're obligated at all to tell dude # 2 that you have HSV. If anyone here is obligated to disclose, it's her.

Unless, of course, you're really hoping that he doesn't know how I feel about herpes* and will freak out and bail if you tell him, leaving you to have the girl all to yourself. In which case, I mean, all's fair in love and war. I guess.

But talking about herpes and the fact that you have it improves things for people who have herpes in general. Most people I know claim not to know anyone who has herpes when in fact some 75% of their friends are walking around with the HSV. So coming out of the closet really helps to destigmatize and de-other herpes infection. And, like I said, it's just not that big of a deal.

So consider carefully whether you want to scare this guy off, because you either will scare him or it will seem like you're trying to scare him, which will look like a huge cockblock. But ethically? Nah, don't tell him.

Love,
GTG

*In case you don't know how I feel about it, here's the lowdown: herpes is not a big deal. While genital herpes is the most stigmatized STI, it causes no problems other than physical discomfort and never progresses to anything more serious. Herpes isn't "curable" but anitviral meds (including Valtrex) are super effective at suppressing outbreaks and reducing transmission risk. So relax already. Read more about herpes here.

There is still no cure: World AIDS Day

2008-12-01T06:24:00.000-08:00

In honor of World AIDS Day and because I told you so, go and get tested today. The only way to know your HIV/STI status is to get tested.

Chances are good your local health department or Planned Parenthood is doing free testing today; put on a red ribbon and go get a needle stick. It'll be good for you.

If you're in Austin, the Austin Travis County RBJ Clinic at 15 Waller Street will have free testing from 12-8. The map is below. Go on down.

View Larger Map

Hello, it's polyANDRY!

2008-11-25T06:56:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure what to think of this ad campaign--nor can I figure out what it's an ad campaign for. But I love the idea of a glamorous lady with 5 husbands! The fake organization is called "Pals of Polygamy* LLC." It's a travel website, clearly, but who? Travelocity? Orbitz? Hotwire?

*When a woman has more than one husband, it's called "polyandry." Duh.

Viagra in Sports: Who Knew?

2008-11-22T16:58:00.000-08:00

From today's Times, further proof that Viagra is the craziest, most super-human substance on the planet: studies are being done to find out whether taking the little blue pill gives athletes unfair advantages.

“Basically, it allows you to compete with a sea level, or near-sea level, aerobic capacity at altitude,” Kenneth W. Rundell, the director of the Human Performance Laboratory at Marywood, said of Viagra.

I'm not going to go into why the whole 'sea level' thing is kinda dirty sounding, but what about the huge, 4-hour boners the dudes will get while they're cycling/running/swimming?

What's next, Viagra turns you into Superman?

Q: Is an IUD a sexually transmitted disease? A: No

2008-11-21T13:53:00.000-08:00

The Paragard IUD

Dear Go-To Girl,

What's an IUD? I met this girl who said she had one and I got freaked out. Does that mean she has warts on her hoo-hoo?

Love,
All I got was "Abstinence"

The Mirena IUD

Dear AA,

You poor thing. You missed a golden opportunity because the intrauterine device (IUD) is actually the most effective birth control method available! You could've banged away to your heart's content. But, alas, these devices are relatively uncommon in the U.S. and with the state of sex education, it's no surprise that you thought "IUD" meant "disease."

Here's the deal: an IUD is a small, T-shaped device that is inserted into the uterus through the cervix (ouch!). There are two IUDs available and they work slightly differently: The Paragard has copper wire wrapped around it that affects enzymes in the uterus, making it a hostile environment for any fertilized eggs. The Mirena releases a tiny amount of progesterone that prevents ovulation.

Now for the mysterious part: the presence of either IUD in the uterus essentially makes the body think that since there's some foreign object inside, that it can't support a pregnancy. I know that sounds crazy, but it's true.

The IUD is more effective than sterilization. Seriously. The Paragard lasts at least ten years (but you can keep it in longer) and the Mirena lasts five years. They're pretty pricey to start with if your insurance doesn't cover the device (like $200 or so) but spread out over five or ten years, they're the cheapest method out there.

The IUD has a little piece of string (fishing line, basically) that hangs out through the cervix so you can make sure it's still in place. If you contract an STI and don't get treated, this string slightly increases the risk of pelvic inflammatory disease which can, if untreated, lead to infertility. So use condoms, get tested, get treatment if you wind up with an STI.

Side effects include cramping (which, with the Mirena, is more mild than Paragard) and heavier periods, but that's it. None of that birth control pill weight gain or libido loss or generalized craziness. Some women expel the IUD but that's a pretty uncommon occurrence.

If you want to get an IUD, you'll probably have to convince your doctor that you've done your homework. So research the Paragard here and the Mirena here. And if you decide it's the right method for you, don't take no for an answer.

Love,
Go-To Girl (I Heart Paragard)