Karma Chameleon.

If you look of pictures of me as a kid dressed up in sequined, crazy dance outfits (thanks, A) standing in the living room (yes, my life has been one big game of dress up) you will see the Culture Club album in the family record box (a fruit crate, we were so bohemian) behind me.

I vividly remember the video for "Karma Chameleon" (it's really weird) having to do with pretty people dressed up in antebellum-looking clothes (there are slaves, gentry, prostitutes, and a riverboat) and throwing lots of fake gold coins around.

So it's kind of ironic that Boy George was recently convicted of "falsely imprisoning" a male escort. With handcuffs.

Um, was this the escort's first time? Did he not know that Boy George is, um, pretty well documented as being a little freaky?

Obviously escorts should be able to consent to sex and any BDSM elements but handcuffs are just so banal! Anwyay...just a little fun for your weekend.

The Ultimate Love Triangle Herpes Ethics Question

In a love triangle? Ask Tila Tequila for help.

Dear Go-To Girl,
I'm sleeping with this girl who's an old friend of mine. We're keeping things casual. I have genital herpes; she knows. I take Valtrex and I haven't had an outbreak in ages. Here's the question: I know that the girl I'm seeing is also sleeping with another guy in our circle of friends. Am I obligated to tell him that I have herpes, since there's a possibility he might be at risk?
Jerry

Dear Jerry,
You know how I feel about herpes.* So given that you 1) haven't had an outbreak in ages and 2) t his girl you're sleeping with knows you have herpes and 3) are taking Valtrex, I don't think you're obligated at all to tell dude # 2 that you have HSV. If anyone here is obligated to disclose, it's her.

Unless, of course, you're really hoping that he doesn't know how I feel about herpes* and will freak out and bail if you tell him, leaving you to have the girl all to yourself. In which case, I mean, all's fair in love and war. I guess.

But talking about herpes and the fact that you have it improves things for people who have herpes in general. Most people I know claim not to know anyone who has herpes when in fact some 75% of their friends are walking around with the HSV. So coming out of the closet really helps to destigmatize and de-other herpes infection. And, like I said, it's just not that big of a deal.

So consider carefully whether you want to scare this guy off, because you either will scare him or it will seem like you're trying to scare him, which will look like a huge cockblock. But ethically? Nah, don't tell him.

Love,
GTG



*In case you don't know how I feel about it, here's the lowdown: herpes is not a big deal. While genital herpes is the most stigmatized STI, it causes no problems other than physical discomfort and never progresses to anything more serious. Herpes isn't "curable" but anitviral meds (including Valtrex) are super effective at suppressing outbreaks and reducing transmission risk. So relax already. Read more about herpes here.

There is still no cure: World AIDS Day

In honor of World AIDS Day and because I told you so, go and get tested today. The only way to know your HIV/STI status is to get tested.

Chances are good your local health department or Planned Parenthood is doing free testing today; put on a red ribbon and go get a needle stick. It'll be good for you.

If you're in Austin, the Austin Travis County RBJ Clinic at 15 Waller Street will have free testing from 12-8. The map is below. Go on down.


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Hello, it's polyANDRY!

I'm not sure what to think of this ad campaign--nor can I figure out what it's an ad campaign for. But I love the idea of a glamorous lady with 5 husbands! The fake organization is called "Pals of Polygamy* LLC." It's a travel website, clearly, but who? Travelocity? Orbitz? Hotwire?



*When a woman has more than one husband, it's called "polyandry." Duh.

Viagra in Sports: Who Knew?

From today's Times, further proof that Viagra is the craziest, most super-human substance on the planet: studies are being done to find out whether taking the little blue pill gives athletes unfair advantages.

“Basically, it allows you to compete with a sea level, or near-sea level, aerobic capacity at altitude,” Kenneth W. Rundell, the director of the Human Performance Laboratory at Marywood, said of Viagra.

I'm not going to go into why the whole 'sea level' thing is kinda dirty sounding, but what about the huge, 4-hour boners the dudes will get while they're cycling/running/swimming?

What's next, Viagra turns you into Superman?

Q: Is an IUD a sexually transmitted disease? A: No

The Paragard IUD

Dear Go-To Girl,

What's an IUD? I met this girl who said she had one and I got freaked out. Does that mean she has warts on her hoo-hoo?

Love,
All I got was "Abstinence"


The Mirena IUD

Dear AA,

You poor thing. You missed a golden opportunity because the intrauterine device (IUD) is actually the most effective birth control method available! You could've banged away to your heart's content. But, alas, these devices are relatively uncommon in the U.S. and with the state of sex education, it's no surprise that you thought "IUD" meant "disease."

Here's the deal: an IUD is a small, T-shaped device that is inserted into the uterus through the cervix (ouch!). There are two IUDs available and they work slightly differently: The Paragard has copper wire wrapped around it that affects enzymes in the uterus, making it a hostile environment for any fertilized eggs. The Mirena releases a tiny amount of progesterone that prevents ovulation.

Now for the mysterious part: the presence of either IUD in the uterus essentially makes the body think that since there's some foreign object inside, that it can't support a pregnancy. I know that sounds crazy, but it's true.

The IUD is more effective than sterilization. Seriously. The Paragard lasts at least ten years (but you can keep it in longer) and the Mirena lasts five years. They're pretty pricey to start with if your insurance doesn't cover the device (like $200 or so) but spread out over five or ten years, they're the cheapest method out there.

The IUD has a little piece of string (fishing line, basically) that hangs out through the cervix so you can make sure it's still in place. If you contract an STI and don't get treated, this string slightly increases the risk of pelvic inflammatory disease which can, if untreated, lead to infertility. So use condoms, get tested, get treatment if you wind up with an STI.

Side effects include cramping (which, with the Mirena, is more mild than Paragard) and heavier periods, but that's it. None of that birth control pill weight gain or libido loss or generalized craziness. Some women expel the IUD but that's a pretty uncommon occurrence.

If you want to get an IUD, you'll probably have to convince your doctor that you've done your homework. So research the Paragard here and the Mirena here. And if you decide it's the right method for you, don't take no for an answer.

Love,
Go-To Girl (I Heart Paragard)

Did Jesus Die for Anal? The Father-Daughter Purity Ball is Back!

Puke, vomit, retch, blech, ugh, I hate it.

I've written about so-called "Father-Daughter Purity Balls" before, and this new website (thanks, S, for the tip) is just as gross. Here's the "pledge" the fathers take in front of God, their daughters, and eachother:

I, (DAUGHTER'S NAME)'S FATHER, CHOOSE BEFORE GOD TO COVER MY DAUGHTER AS HER AUTHORITY AND PROTECTION IN THE AREA OF PURITY. I WILL BE PURE IN MY OWN LIFE AS A MAN, HUSBAND AND FATHER. I WILL BE A MAN OF INTEGRITY AND ACCOUNTABLITY AS I LEAD, GUIDE AND PRAY OVER MY DAUGHTER AND MY FAMILY AS THE HIGH PRIEST IN MY HOME. THIS COVERING WILL BE USED BY GOD TO INFLUENCE GENERATIONS TO COME.

We all know how effective pledges are when it comes to things like abstinence (not at all), allegiance to the flag (totally meaningless), giving money to NPR (not 100%), and so on, so I have low expectations of fathers standing up in front of a group of other douchebags and promising that they won't cheat on their wives (!) or look at internet pornography (!!). Not to mention all the creepy, patriarchal, ownership language included in the pledge.

After the fathers take their "pledges" the daughters go up to the front of the room, where there's a cross (obviously, because Jesus hates premarital sex), "The daughters silently commit to live pure lives before God through the symbol of laying down a white rose at the cross."

The rose is white. Because they're all virgins. Get it?

Here's a nice reminder from one of the Father-Daughter Purity Ball Founder's seven (!) children, Khrystian:

Purity that sets us free starts with repentance to our Lord who died to forgive us. Can he forgive us for last night? Of course. His sacrifice covers us. Can He forgive us of last week? Yes, of course. He shed His blood for that.

So then it is okay to have premarital sex? Because Jesus shed His blood for that? I'm sorry, Purity People, but the Jesus I know and love is pretty tied up with actual human suffering to be bothered with your "purity."

But I do have one question--did Jesus die for anal?