What I'm Reading

It's been a while since I've done one of these and Go-To Girl's got two great books on her bedside table.



First up: Forbidden Fruit: Sex and Religion in the Lives of American Teenagers, by GTG's new pal Mark Regnerus. This book is so popular that GTG had to be put on the wait list for it at the library and only got to check it out for a week. So Mark graciously gave me a signed copy. I haven't finished it yet, so I can't tell you how it ends but chapters 1-4 are un-put-downable. At least, for me and the 5 other people in America who care about sex and religion in the lives of American teenagers (Tiffany, I'm looking at you). But really, it's fascinating. Not mind-numbingly scholarly at all.

The good news for sex is that religion doesn't really seem to make much difference for the vast majority of teenagers; there's a small number of the "truly devout" who actually--gasp--wait til marriage and, I assume, each other. I think the number of people I've ever met in my life who actually waited til marriage (or intend to) is exactly two.

Here's the big question: does God reward those who wait until marriage by making the ordinarily brief and awkward First Time not weird and painful but instead long, hot, and...well, worth waiting for?

Hopefully that'll be in the next book.



Secondly: Couples, by John Updike. I don't remember where I read about this book; perhaps somewhere in the Eliot Spitzer scandal. Couples details the lives of suburban swinger couples and was published in 1968. It's not about the freaky deaky free love sixties, but the "it's practically still the fifties" early sixties. Not a one-handed read or anything, but it sure is interesting to think about this book being traded around amongst housewives in Brookline.

Though Updike's portrayal isn't all sex and roses, the inclusion of swinging does make suburban mom-and-dad-plus-two life sound slightly more tolerable. I wonder if the couples in the book waited until marriage.

That's all for now.
Happy reading!
Love,
GTG

This is a toughie: Teacher-Sex-Scandals

(Hot For) Math Teacher Stephanie Ragusa

So, surprise, another teacher has been busted for having sex with an underage male student. I mean, whatevs. But the difference between Stephanie Ragusa and Mary Kay LeTourneau is that MKT was in love with her student/lover and married him after she got out of jail; Ragusa seems to just like a little bit of underaged cock from time to time.

Since I defend R. Kelly and his (alleged) sexual encounters with (allegedly) underaged girls, I'll entertain a defense of Ragusa and boy.

First of all, can we agree that these teacher-sex cases demonstrate that the idea that women are only attracted to older or equal-age men is a myth? Our sexual scripts are so narrowly defined that we are shocked--utterly shocked--that a woman of a certain age could be attracted to and--gasp!--have sex with a much younger man.

I'll admit, Ragusa sounds pretty predatory. But the charges are pretty hot, though: five counts of lewd and lascivious battery.

It's not Whiskey-dick; It's Effexor

Anorexia? Sexual Dysfunction? Anxiety? This is treatment?

From today's New York Times:

Coming of Age on Antidepressants addresses the concerns of psychiatrists (or, some psychiatrists--I've never been convinced psychiatrists have many concerns about anything) about the long term use of antidepressants beginning in childhood or early adolescence.

While the part I care about (the sex part) isn't until the end, it's a zinger:

Beyond these concerns, there are other important issues to consider in long-term use of antidepressants, especially in young people. One patient, a woman in her mid-20s, told me that she felt pressured by her boyfriend to have sex more often than she wanted. “I’ve always had a low sex drive,” she said.

For the past eight years she had been taking Zoloft, which like all the antidepressants in its class is known to lower libido and to interfere with sexual performance. She had understandably mistaken the side effect of the drug for her “normal” sexual desire and was shocked when I explained it: “And I thought it was just me!”

Drug companies and psychiatrists try to minimize the sexual side effects of antidepressants; at times, for good reason. A lower sex drive beats suicide, at least in the short term. But in the long term, the experience of low sex drive and/or reduced (or eliminated) orgasmic ability can be enough to cause relationship meltdown and, guess what? More depression.

I'm glad someone is paying attention to this. So many college students take antidepressants that the population-level effect of the sexual side effects is mind-boggling. Take heart, guys: it might not be whiskey dick after all: it's Effexor!

Q: Broken penis A: Probably not

Dear Go To Girl,
Can you break a dick by landing on it funny?
-Just Curious

Hey there C,

By "landing on it funny" do you mean, say, a stripper giving a lapdance who totters in her 6" heels and falls into a guy's lap? Or "landing on it funny" during sex? While yes, it is possible to break a penis by "landing on it funny" I think if the guy in question had in fact broken his penis he would've immediately been like, "HOLY FUCK!" From what I understand, it's just about the most painful thing the cock-havers can imagine.

So a broken penis situation looks like this:

1. Guy has hard-on
2. Girl/Guy partner proceeds to have sex from such an angle that the penis in question bends
3. Penis goes "pop!"
4. Ouch! Internal bleeding, tremendous pain, a bend in the cock that won't go away

To treat a broken penis, go to the emergency room, stat. We don't have universal health care in this country, but we've got armies of urologists who can protect the all-important penis. And you probably won't even have to pay a co-pay.

Love,
GTG

Miley Cyrus is a Virgin!!

I read the bible so you don't have to: 1 Thessalonians 4:3 (New International Version)

3 It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality

OMG! Miley Cyrus and the Jonas Brothers are virgins!!! This obnoxious video from CNN.com tells of the "new trend" in Hollywood of stars that are approximately 15 years old "deciding" not to have sex. Which, I guess, is a good thing for all those 9 year old girls who went out and tried to emulate Jamie Lynn Spears after she got knocked up.

Particularly loathsome is the "clinical psychologist" Dr. Judy Kurianski who's just "thrilled" that these "young role models" are choosing not to have sex. They even wear purity rings! Paging Dr. Kurianski: you're only choosing to have sex if you have the opportunity to have sex and turn it down. That's why abstinence pledges don't work; most of the kids who take them haven't been presented with sex yet.

But the research, as my good pals Peter Bearman and Hannah Bruckner showed, tells us approximately 98% of those who pledge do in fact have sex before marriage. And the kicker is that they're more likely to get STIs when they do have sex because in all their fervor for "abstinence" they never pick up a book about condoms.

CNN.com oughta invite people who are, like, semi-familiar with the subject when they do interviews; Dr. Judy says, completely erroneously, the the "public declaration" of your intention not to have sex before marriage makes you "accountable" to that decision. Actually, Dr. J, the opposite is true.

For further reading:
"After the promise: The STD consequences of adolescent virginity pledges." Journal of Adolescent Health, Volume 36 , Issue 4 , Pages 271 - 278. H . Brückner , P . Bearman

Obama Hates Gays!

Well, at least the Philadelphia Gay News.

PGN invited both Clinton and Obama, as well as presumptive Republican candidate John McCain, to speak with us. Only Clinton granted an interview.

Read it. Seriously.
Thanks to RH for the tip.

From the Times...

This Sunday's touching article about a marriage counseling effort among Army officers reminds us of our own documentation of the war's effects on couples, which you can read about here, and here, .

The basic lesson, of course, is that war is bad for those who endure it. But I applaud the Army for trying to help these marriages.

Sex Toys in Paris

Not Paris Hilton, you pervs!

Dear Go-To Girl,

Do you or any of your friends know of any good sex toy stores in Paris?

World Traveller

Dear WT,

While I have been to Paris and, I think, made a point of going to what my guidebook said was the "gay" district, I can't remember seeing any sex toy stores.

But seriously, I found this store, Rebecca Rils, "la boutique des plaisirs de feminin."

Looking at their prices for toys with which I'm familiar, it looks like the exchange rate is going to really get you if you buy toys in Paris. For instance, the Freshvibe costs 55 Euros and the nearly identical version at Babeland is $62.

Given the Euro/Dollar exchange rate, that vibrator will cost you $86.54 if you buy it in Paris. Yikes. But hey; when you need a vibrator you need a vibrator.

Good luck!

Love,
GTG

The Ugly Face of the Obesity Epidemic...

Plus-size Miss England contestant (and hottie) Chloe Marshall.

...is obnoxious, skinny, dietician beauty pageant judges. This article from the British Daily Mail about this year's plus-size contestant for the Miss England title makes clear that they hate fat people in England just as much as we do here. Here are some choice comments from the writer/dietician/bitch, Monica Grenfell:

But as a dietician I am so worried about the damage her well-oiled publicity machine is doing that I think it's vital to speak out.

In my view, Chloe is a terrible role model.

I hope she doesn't win the Miss England title.

It would send an appalling - and very dangerous - message to other young women that it's OK to be fat.

I'm no fat activist, but damn. This is totally inappropriate. And girl is hot! I hope she does win.

Condom Song - Telugu

This is hilarious. I should invite these guys to my next Safer Sex Methods Costume Party.

Thanks, Scientists: 10-10-50 is Real!

Thanks, L, for this tip:

Sex Takes 3 to 13 Minutes, Study Says, from CNN.com.

I know, I know, my poll conclusively proved that I'm only right about the 10-10-50 Rule, like, 75% of the time. Fine. But I maintain that a lot of guys, particularly the young'uns that I see, need to be released from the "Harder, Longer, More, and, Most Importantly, Longer" sex paradigm that they can't possibly live up to.

Don't believe me? Glance at the "Sex and Relationships" page of Men'sHealth.com.

The first four articles on the page are:

"Maximize Your Sexual Stamina"

"10 Painless Ways to Last Longer in Bed"

"Tease and Please All of Her Erogenous Zones to Give Her an Amazing Orgasm"

and, lastly:

"Make it Hotter, Longer, and Better"

So the study from CNN.com may not convince you, but really: just look at the clock. Entry to exit, sex just doesn't take that long. So relax.

Point: There is no condom for the heart; Counterpoint: There is no heartbreak for the vagina

Point:

"There is No Condom For the Heart!!!" by Janie Fredell, co-President, True Love Revolution, Harvard University (oooh, I go to Harvard)

Look, people. I know you think you like going out on Saturday night, getting wasted, and hooking up with that guy from Chi Phi or the Krokodiles.
Maybe you even use a trusty Trojan handed out to you by Student Health Services or the Safer Sex Club. Way to go. As you know, condoms protect against pregnancy and disease. (Most of the time)

But what you might not know, dear, sweet, ladyreader, is that there is no condom for the heart.

The science on this has been suppressed by the liberal academic elite at places like Harvard, but it is a well known fact that

"Sexual activity in both men and women involves the release of powerful bonding hormones that are designed to help married couples stay together permanently and trust each other.13 Within marriage, these bonds are a cause of joy and marital harmony; but for non-married couples, such bonds can cause serious problems. When these relationships come to an end, the partners often feel a palpable sense of loss, betrayed trust, and unwelcome memories. This is information that you will rarely hear from sexual health groups that promote safe sex, because "there is no condom for the heart."14"

So you should stop having sex. It's gross anyway. Abstinence is fun!


Counterpoint:

"There is no Heartbreak for the Vagina," by Go-To Girl, sex blogger, R. Kelly expert, condom pusher

It is a well known fact that there is no condom for the heart. When I got the news about this "breakthrough" of the Medical Institute for Sexual Health, right here in Austin, I made a phone call to my favorite cardiologist/love doctor to ask him about it. Here's a selection from our long, intense, heated interview session.

Me: "Dr. Feelgood, is it true? There's no condom for the heart?"

Dr. Feelgood: "Hey baby. Don't you worry 'bout your heart. You're so pretty. There is no condom for the heart but, girl, there's no way you'll feel heartbreak in your vagina. I'll be so gentle. Semen can't even travel to your heart. The female reproductive system only has one exit."

Me: "So you're saying that there's no direct line from the uterus to the part of the heart that feels feelings?"

Dr. Feelgood: "Kitten, let's not talk. C'mere. And oxytocin affects the brain, anyway."

I'm convinced.

Q: I think we're going to have sex for the first time. What do I bring?

Dear Go-To Girl,

I've been dating this great guy that I met on the internets and we've had a bunch of really great dates. Tomorrow night he's invited me over to his house to make me dinner and I think we're going to do it.

I definitely have to use lube and I always use condoms, so what do I bring? How many condoms will I need? Can I bring my half-empty bottle of lube (which makes it obvious that I've used the other half to have sex with someone else) or buy a new one? I have two of those little single use lubes but I'm not sure if that'll be enough.

What's the etiquette here?

Love,

Gonna Get Laid

Dear GGL,

Congratulations. Your Friday night sounds infinitely more interesting than mine. People always feel awkward about bringing condoms--here's a little rundown of what each number of condoms brought means:

One: Just in case. And if it breaks, oh well. We can play cards.

Two: You think he can do it more than once, but only twice? That's kind of a lowball, dontcha think?

Three: Yeah, girl, bring it.

Six, of all different types: Yes, I've had sex before. And with a variety you can't give a bullshit excuse about condoms "not fitting."

A whole box: What? Oh, these? I just stopped by the drugstore on the way over here. I wanted to be safe. [The subtext, of course, is that now you have 12 condoms. That's a Friday night!]

As for the lube, those single use packages are great in theory but create the classic problem with lube: you have to use two fucking hands to open the goddamn thing. And you can't close it up again and it's basically going to just get lube all over your sheets, it won't be enough, and the whole situation makes me want to cry. Once you get the lube on your hands you want to fuck. The end.

Go to the drugstore and buy a little travel-size bottle of some product (or an empty one, if they have them) that has a squeeze top--like the kind that's on a bottle of dish detergent and fill it up from your big bottle. You can open it with your teeth, you only need one hand to squeeze it where you want it, it's small, refillable, and you can close it by hitting it against your side and throw it on the floor. Voila.

So, in conclusion:

1 box condoms + 1 small, refillable bottle of lube = totally hot sex

Love,
GTG

Department of "HOLY SHIT!"

Seriously. Look at this cartoon. And then when you find yourself scratching your head about it, look at this document. (first page of PDF is blank)

If you are wondering, "Holyshit!" you're not alone. So the right to lifers discovered Margaret Sanger's skeleton-closet. So what.

Clearly some gal at UCLA read about Margaret Sanger for the First Time Ever in some women's studies class she was taking to be Prepared To Face the Feminist Enemy and thought, "OMG, this is TOTALLY going to overturn Roe v. Wade!!!"

Sadly for the pro-lifers (including, apparently, cartoonist Glenn McCoy) Sanger's history is widely known by people who read books and pay attention. The legacy is complicated, yeah, but if eliminating non-white people was her goal she and Planned Parenthood have managed to fail pretty spectacularly.

And let's be clear: being pro-life is not--and never has been--about saving babies. It's about controlling women and women's sexuality.

This is Real: Tranny Dads

I would be remiss if I didn't mention this article in the Advocate about a transmale (i.e., female-to-male trans person) dude who is pregnant. This is pretty amazing stuff; I'm surprised that years of testosterone didn't hamper his ability to get pregnant via home insemination (which is the least effective method of artificial insemination). The body is a powerful thing. I wonder if he'll be forced to go in to hiding for the last few months when his baby bump is, like, huge.

R. Kelly update (feat. T-Pain)

Surely you all remember T-Pain from his cameo in R. Kelly's summer mega-hit "I'm a Flirt," on which T-Pain reminded us that he

"Fell in love with a stripper, y'all"

and that

"When I pull up to the club all the girls be like, 'Damn, 28's?'"

and

"All I do is flirt with her [the stripper, I presume] and I get dem drawers"

further complimenting the ladies with

"I'm feeling your body and I'm hoping you feel the same"

and, modestly,

"When I pass by I know exactly what you say: 'He's so fine, he's so cool'"

and then he reassures the guys whose girls he's flirting with,

"He mad cos I'm lookin' but I already fucked her"

I love T-Pain but, I can't lie, I looooove T.I. What? He's hot.

This Just In: "Men's New Sexual Needs"

For all of you ladies and gents out there with boyfriends who've been wondering, "Gosh, I think I'm keeping my man satisfied, but what if my BF had new sexual needs?" This month's Glamour has the answer.

"Men's New Sexual Needs" include:

To please you, like, really please you.

Translation: Make you come. Every time. The pressure's on, people! But as Sally said, "Its just that all men are sure it never happened to them and all women at one
time or other have faked it so you do the math." Sorry guys.

"The benefit of your experience."

But keep quiet about it, especially if you're a girl. We want to experience your...experiencedness, but please don't tell us how many people you've fucked. Yikes.

"To try anything at least once."

We mean anal.

"Some nights, plain old vanilla."

Particularly if we've been taken to task by a kinky girl and are feeling sensitive about our abilities. And "Porn makes me...want non-porn parts of a relationship, like cuddling and holding hands."

Excuse me while I go to the vomitorium.

More at glamour.com.

What's Going on With R. Kelly?

After several weeks with no news from Kels and more than one reader asking me, "Seriously, Go-To Girl, what's going on with R. Kelly?" I went out digging in the internets to find out what's going on with my pal Robert.

The good news is that the trial date has been set for May 9, according to the Chi-Town Sun Times.

The bad news is that just last week two new witnesses were added to the prosecution's witness list. All of the trial records are sealed, but I have my suspicions about who those witnesses might be:

Regina and George Daniels, Kelly's (former) friends and PR managers whose young (but, notably, not underage) daughter was involved with Kelly last year.

If I were to venture a guess, I'd say that Regina and George will testify that Kelly "crossed the line" with their daughter and as such can be assumed to have also crossed the line with the mystery girl on the sex tape. Whatevs.

That's the update from Kellyland.

The Circle of Life: Girls Gone Wild to Escort to Girls Gone Wild

What goes around truly comes around. This story from CNN reports that Ashley Alexandra Dupre, a.k.a. Kristen, ex-Governor Spitzer's lady friend, was offered $1 million from Girls Gone Wild to make a video for the profit-monster.
Alas, Dupre had already put in her time with GGW several years ago, and GGW has retracted its offer and already made available psy-per-view material of Dupre on its website.
If this isn't evidence of the effects of the "pornification" of our society, I don't know what is. So to all you girls out there on spring break being solicited by the GGW folks, take this home:

Don't pose for GGW (cos they won't pay you)
On the off chance you become a high-priced hooker
And the scandal breaks
You may be offered a cool mil to do some "tasteful" topless shots
But then they won't have to pay you for titty shots
Cos they'll have archival footage

The Lesson Here: Internet porn never goes away!

(thanks, Sara)

Support Our Troops: 5 Years War Edition

Today is the 5th anniversary of the war in Iraq. Life still sucks for the soldiers.





Thanks to Quaker House for the photos.

Q: Am I lady-jaculating? A: Yes. Or peeing.

Dear Go-To Girl,

I have an embarrassing question, embarrassing because it reveals that I do not fully understand my own body and how it works. But here goes: I have two different kinds of orgasms, one resulting from clitoral stimulation and one from internal stimulation. This situation is awesome. However, once, four years ago, while working on the latter kind with a vibrator, when I climaxed there was a lot of liquid that sort of squirted out. I assumed that I had urinated because that's kind of what it felt like. Anyway, I didn't think about for a long time until I got a new vibrator and it happened again the other day. I told my boyfriend about it, and he insists that it can't be urine, because you can't urinate when you're aroused. I know that's true for men, but I'm not so sure for women. He also argues that I'd be able to recognize urine immediately by the smell, but I'm pretty well-hydrated and don't think my urine smells very distinctive. He thinks it's some kind of female ejaculation, but it seems like way too much liquid for that. Not to mention, I've been in living in this body for a while, and it feels like I'm urinating. He claims this is impossible.

Anyway, what's going on here? Am I peeing myself when I come? Does this happen to other women? On a scale of 1 to 10, how completely embarrassing is this?

Help!
Liquid Assets

Hey LA,

The good news is that you and your boyfriend are both wrong. Women can definitely pee when they're aroused; only men have that whole "one tube" problem. So, in theory, it's totally possible for a gal to pee during orgasm.

What's more likely happening is that you have, on these two occasions, had what's called "female ejaculation." I prefer the term "squirt" since ejaculation, obviously, is a male process. Nobody's quite sure why it happens, but some women, when cumming, squirt out a lot of liquid that they insist is not urine.

Scientific priorities being what they are, I don't think anybody knows for sure that this liquid isn't urine and I don't know of any convincing research that has suggested what mysterious, non-urine substance is coming out of the urethras of these lucky ladies.

In terms of how much you're squirting, I invite you to Google "female ejaculation" for comparison. You'll get approximately 10,000,000 results.

I don't think it's embarrassing at all; I mean, it's never happened to me and I'm kind of a stickler for clean sheets but as long as you have enough quarters for laundry, it's no big deal. I think it's also one of those things that guys get all puffed up about, so let your boyfriend feel like he's R. Kelly for a minute. No harm done.

Love,
GTG

PS--Please write and tell us what vibrator you got!

What I'm Reading

Seriously, people, this blog is good. Read it.

This post, particularly.

A Fresh Perspective on the Mann Act

From TheRoot.com:

"From Jack Johnson to Eliot Spitzer"

Though primarily intended to fight prostitution, the Act substantially expanded the scope of the Federal Bureau of Investigation and soon became the starting point for a wide-range of cases, including many against consenting but unmarried couples. The first person prosecuted under the law was legendary boxer Jack Johnson.

Interesting stuff.

National Sex Threat Level ORANGE: Sexual activity causes STIs!

This is HPV. Are you terrified yet??

File this one under "OMFG, for real?!"
From CNN.com:

Study: 1 in 4 Teen Girls Has An STD

A choice tidbit:

The study by CDC researcher Dr. Sara Forhan is an analysis of nationally representative data on 838 girls who participated in a 2003-04 government health survey. Teens were tested for four infections: human papillomavirus, or HPV, which can cause cervical cancer and affected 18 percent of girls studied; chlamydia, which affected 4 percent; trichomoniasis, 2.5 percent; and herpes simplex virus, 2 percent.

One more time:

...nationally representative data on 838 girls...

As always, nationally representative data is nationally representative and we have to accept this research for good and bad; but come on, people--what this study actually means is that 25% of 838 girls (for the math-ally challenged, that's 209.5 girls) had an STD. They don't call them "sexually transmitted infections" for nothing. Obviously abstinence isn't hot right now.

I think it's time we stopped freaking out about STIs. With the exception of HIV, they are not deadly and most amount to a treatable, often curable infection that cause symptoms little worse than strep throat or the chicken pox save for the irrefutable evidence they provide that *Gasp!* young people are having sex.

Thanks to L, D, and everyone else who thoughtfully sent this my way.

Breaking news: NY Governor Spitzer Involved in Prostitution Ring!

Holy $hit! All I can say. Stay tuned for the press conference and, presumably, the resignation announcement this afternoon. Yikes.
From the New York Times:
Spitzer Is Linked to Prostitution Ring

Ridiculous anti-gay nonsense out of Oklahoma

Oklahoma State Representative Sally Kern

This sort of thing isn't what I normally cover here on GTG, but I found this on Pandagon and couldn't resist reposting it.

"Oklahoma Insane Anti-Gay Tirade By State Representative"

Some tidbits:

Studies show, no society that has totally embraced homosexuality has lasted for more than, you know, a few decades. . .

I honestly think it’s the biggest threat our nation has, even more so than terrorism or Islam.

They want to get them into the government schools so they can indoctrinate them.

…They are going after our young children, as young as two years of age, to try to teach them that the homosexual lifestyle is an acceptable lifestyle.

You know, gays are infiltrating city councils…did you know that the city council of Eureka Springs is now controlled by gays — they are winning elections.

One of my colleagues said We don’t have a gay problem in our community…well you know what, that is so dumb. If you have cancer in your little toe, do you just say that I’m going to forget about it since the rest of you is fine? It spreads! This stuff is deadly and it is spreading. It will destroy our young people and it will destroy this nation.

Why not send her an email?
Oklahoma State Rep. Sally Kern (sallykern@okhouse.gov)

It's official: Erectile Dysfunction is a Sign of Heart Trouble

"First Come Erectile Ills, Then Heart Troubles," from today's New York Times.
I know that this article skews a little old for my regular readers, but hey--when the Times publishes and article about sex, I pay attention.

And with a gold-mine quote like this, how could I resist?

“The penis is the dipstick of the body’s health,” said Dr. Harry Fisch, director of the Male Reproductive Center at Columbia University Medical Center of New York Presbyterian Hospital.

I hope Dr. Fisch knows how clever he is. It's not every day someone makes such a meta-hilarious comment about the penis and its literal--and figurative--role in the body's health.

Comeback of the year: Kels supports Hillz!

Hillz puts the reporterbitches in their place.

Following last night's election R. Kelly reportedly made a congratulatory call to his close pal Hills, and gifted her with this set of lyrics to his hit comeback song, "Rollin." You might remember his lyrics about the Larry Craig scandal, also posted here exclusively.

Hillz! I'm back Niggas [Cablenews reporters]
What?
Ya’ll thought I was gone? [didn't have enough delegates?]
Nope!!

When I was down you bitches didn’t want to be my friends (rollin) [Who gives a fuck about those tiny bitch democratic primaries?]
And now I’m rollin all you bitches wanna hop in [Texas and Ohio and Rhode MotherFuckin' Island, bitches!]
Rollin
I’m going toot toot, beep beep [ghostridin' on highway 35 in Austin]
Pulling up on them wheels now [on my Secret Service limo]
All black on body got it shining much like a seal now [seriously]
And a shoty much like a seal now [the presidential seal]
Got them cars in my garage [limos, people]
No less than a mil now [35 mil raised in the last month, to be precise]
Hillz about to take the bar [number of delegates won]
And I’mma set it real high [like, so high I can't be beat]
Double take, double take [like how I doubled up on Ohio and Texas, bitches]
When I roll up to the club
Players hate, players hate [CNN, MSNBC, Fox News, why y'all hatin?]
Players hate, players hate [Chris Matthews, what do you know about pimpin'?]
When I walk up in the club [White House]
I got them shades on doing about 75 [reading glasses]
Just call me speed racer cause I’m rollin in at mach 5 [more like 35 in my black armored 'Scalade]
Ya’ll niggas ain't fucking with me [seriously, you're not]
And I put a mil on it [35 mil raised in the last month, to be exact]
Niggas and bitches they lie [fuck the newsmedia]
But home boy them stats don’t [superdelegates, Florida, Michigan]
R & B Boss/Hussling like Rick Ross/Man my flow is so raw/
So niggas don’t piss me off [reporters, I will continue to put yo asses in the men's room]
I’m a player homie and that’s a well known factor [hello? Latino voter strategy?]
Plus the wheels on that coup got it looking like a tractor [I am from Arkansas, after all]

Hello from Sexas!

Hi readers-
Sorry to have been so out of touch. I've moved to Austin, Texas (start packing your bags...it's awesome) so I've been hella busy. Here's a little tidbit to get you started (thanks, Sara).

Sexual Incompatibility Troubles Marriages

And while you're clicking links, take a look at Austin's friendly hometown sex toy store, Forbidden Fruit. You might recognize them from the Dildo Diaries documentary.

More to come!
Love,
GTG

Don't Give Up Hope, Abstinence!

Bush: Keep Abstinence In AIDS Plan

Publicity-hungry Man Bitter at Kels: The Interview

I don't have time to comment on this right now, but listen to this interview about R. Kelly having a (totally legal) relationship with his friend's daughter (who was totally of age).
http://www2.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gif
George Daniels Interview

This is the guy who Kels' mentions in "Step of the Name of Love":

"Regina and George Daniels, I love you..."

Q: More orgasms during sex? A: Have more by yourself.

Dear Go-To Girl,

Some of the girls at here at our sweet Quaker college got into a long conversation about sex and habits, relationships, etc. I brought up your website, which got us talking a bit more. Your 10-10-50 rule got mixed reviews, but we went through to find more explanations and was then agreed upon. But what came up was the fact that 4 our of the 5 girls participating in the conversation had never had an orgasm during intercourse. Many expressed distress for not being able to "have as much fun" as their partner.

So the question for you becomes, how do we work on having an orgasm during intercourse? Are there things we can do?

Love,
Ashley

Dear Ashley,

That font of knowledge on all things college-sex-related, Cosmopolitan, has an article on this very subject in the very March issue. I haven't read it yet, so I can't tell you what it says, but I'm sure you'll recognize it by the headline, "127 Things You Do To Make Sex With Your Man More O-Tastic!!!"

But seriously. I did read the article, and here's what it said:

Tease Yourself Before He Gets There (get a little bullet vibrator)

Use Hot-Spot-Hitting Positions (they say woman on top is best; try putting your legs up over their shoulders)

Double Your Pleasure (make them touch you somewhere relevant during sex)

Turbocharge Your Touches (use lube, a vibrator, handcuffs, etc.)

The article also mentions a few things that can stand in the way of good orgasms and I want to highlight them:

Birth control pills (seriously, ladies, BCPs can have serious effects on desire and orgasm)

Antidepressants (ditto)

Alcohol (might make you want to fuck more, but it does a number on blood flow and makes you less sensitive)

My best advice to having more orgasms during sex more often is to have as many as you can when you're alone. It's not like the guys aren't constantly practicing.

Love,
Go-To Girl

Yup, the War's Still On...

Thanks to Quaker House for this new batch of pictures from the Camp Lejeune Marine base in North Carolina. For those of you who missed the first set, these banners are hung up by wives of soldiers returning to Camp Lejeune from Iraq. They not only remind me that there is a war happening that has real effects on the lives of real men and women, but that sex culture in the military is a truly fascinating animal.

These banners get hung up--with the soldiers' names and, often, their rank on them--so that the planes coming in on the runway can see them. I absolutely love that this baldfaced expression of lust is totally acceptable in the Marines. I guess they understand that when your Snugglypoo has been in Iraq for a third tour, you're entitled to tell the whole world how much you want to fuck him.

The war is still on.

The Inspirational Office Poster to End Inspirational Office Posters

Thanks to my friend Jamie for this photo.

Q: My new guy has facial hair and I hate it! A: Suck it up.

Dear Go-To Girl,
I met this new guy and he's got facial hair, which I kind of hate both aesthetically and in terms of making out. What to do?

Likes it shaved,

Jenny

Dear Jenny,

I totally sympathize with you on this one. I can't stand facial hair. In my case, I'm fairly confident there's some Oedipal cause--I've never seen my father's face as it's been covered by a full beard since he was about 24.

That said, I think ladies have about as much authority to demand a facial-shave as guys do a lady-shave. (Which is to say none, guys) But since you get to see a guy's face before a guy gets to see your parts (most of the time, anyway), if you really don't like facial hair, you wouldn't have been attracted to this guy in the first place. So maybe you're not as grossed out by facial hair as you think you are.

Me, I like a guy who hasn't shaved for, like, 5 days. The hair isn't mean and scratchy to Go-To Girl's soft, delicate skin at that point, but they don't look all bearded and caveman-ish.

So, to answer your question, here's what you should do: make out with him with hair. If you really can't stand the way it feels against your skin, ask him to shave. But he might say no.

Love,
GTG

PS-Guys, a goatee is never acceptable. Y'all should rise up against the douchebag that has tricked men into thinking that this is not only an acceptable but an attractive way to cover one's face. Yuck.

More Circumcision Nonsense

File this one under "What About the Fucking?"

From BBC News:
Circumcision Does Not Curb Sex

Besides the hilarious and awkward translation of "curb" from British English to American English, this article is about the leaders of the Ugandan circumcision-as-HIV-prevention-method study (who are people I know, by the way) attempting to assuage fears that circumcision, even if it is an effective HIV prevention method, will significantly effect sexual experiences of adult (!) men who undergo the procedure.

"Our study clearly shows that being circumcised did not have an adverse effect on the men who underwent the procedure when we compared them with the men who had not yet received surgery," said Professor Ronald Gray, who led the study.

One thing to remember here, though: the head of the uncircumcised penis is super sensitive because it is covered by foreskin almost all of the time. The loss of sensation due to removal of the foreskin would increase over time as the nerve endings are more and more exposed to fabric of clothes, the elements, whatever. So they should really ask them a few years out about sexual pleasure changes--most males who undergo circumcision as infants have about 15 years to dull the head of the penis before they use it for sex.

Some 98.4% of the circumcised men reported satisfaction, compared to 99.9% in the control group.

In terms of ability to penetrate, 98.6% of the circumcised group reported no problem, compared with 99.4 of the non-circumcised group.

However marginally more circumcised men - 99.4% - reported that they had no pain during intercourse, compared with 98.8% of the other group.

Again--the above questions are about overall pleasure; none of them specifically ask if they experience more or less sensation in the penis, which is the risk you face with circumcision. As much as I respect these scholars and trust their judgment, when it comes to actually talking to people about the sex that they're actually having, doctors usually miss the mark. Sigh.

Important disclaimer for Amurrica: Circumcision is not an effective HIV prevention method in developed country contexts (i.e., the U.S. and Europe). Don't go thinking that if you're circumcised you're not at risk for HIV and if you're uncut, don't go getting circumcised. Please.

Log Cabin Republicans, Take Note: The Initiation of Gay Men

University of Michigan Professor David Halperin. Don't look too close--he might make you gay!

Thanks to Kels for this tip:

The University of Michigan is offering a course this spring called "How to be Gay: Male Homosexuality and Initiation."

Promising to be both an examination of and an introduction to the initiation process itself, the course:

In particular, we will examine a number of cultural artifacts and activities that seem to play a prominent role in learning how to be gay: Hollywood movies, grand opera, Broadway musicals, and other works of classical and popular music, as well as camp, diva-worship, drag, muscle culture, taste, style, and political activism.

The instructor, David Halperin, has been subject to lots of criticism and even proposed legislation in Michigan to end his course by way of forcing the state to "scrutinize" funding for public universities. This article, from the University of Michigan Michigan Daily talks about the controversy.

Obviously, you can't teach someone how to be gay. But you can teach them to participate in gay life effectively. Log Cabin Republicans, take note. Perhaps Halperin could be the keynote speaker at your annual convention.

Victoriana Alert: HPV Vaccine Causes Fainting!

I'm not making this up. From the Associated Press:

The groundbreaking vaccine that prevents cervical cancer in girls is gaining a reputation as the most painful of childhood shots, health experts say. As Austin Powers would say; "Ouch, baby. Very ouch."

And there's more:

During its first year of use, reports of girls fainting from vaccinations climbed, but it's not clear whether the pain of the cervical cancer vaccine was the reason for the reaction.

Doctors suggest the fainting may be due to "the needles," or -- wait for it -- "nervousness."

Fainting? Nervousness? Next thing we know women who get the Gardasil vaccine will be suffering from hysteria and nymphomania. Call the whambulance.

You May Exhale: Kels Made it to Court

Kels, those jail scrubs just don't flatter you.

via MTV.com:

Kels' judicial bullshit continued today when he arrived, as commanded, at his trial (20 minutes early, no less) only to have the hearing continued til Friday. When will these people stop wasting Kels' time?

More details have emerged regarding the reason behind Kels' delay:

There was "some snow" in Sacramento, where he had played a show earlier this week;

His buses were pulled over for driving "in excess" of 100 miles per hour;

The drivers hadn't had their required 8 hours of rest and had to stop.

The judge is even threatening to revoke Kels' bond, which would obviously bring the rousing success of his national tour to a tragic end. Come on, hater Judge Gaughan. Kels just wants to love you.

Breaking News: Arrest Warrant for Kels!

Item!

From the Chi-town Tribune:

R. Kelly missed a court date today due to a traffic snafu in Utah, and Assistant State Hater (Attorney) Shauna Boliker cut him no slack.

"It is an abuse of the process and disrespectful of the court and your honor for everyone who has come prepared to go," she said. "The leeway the court has given him to go on a 45-city tour, to do whatever he pleases. The very least he could do is be here for his appointed court date."

If I'm not mistaken the trial, which was originally scheduled for this past September, had to be put on hold because a certain Ms. Boliker had a baby.

Surely R. Kelly's marathon national tour deserves at least as much flexibility as Ms. Boliker's little baby.

Again: Kels is on trial for allegedly videotaping himself having sex with a girl who allegedly may have been 13 at the time of the taping. The girl in question, however, denies that she's the one on the tape.

I can't make this stuff up: The Global Orgasm for Peace

Really, people, I can't even dream up stuff this ridiculous. While vacationing in the secret Marin County town of Bolinas, California this weekend I came upon an article in the local paper about--wait for it--The Synchronized Global Orgasm for Peace.

The idea behind the Global Orgasm is that, apparently, some Scientist somewhere believes that the positive energy emitted after an orgasm could, if done on a mass global scale, really make peace in the world.

According to Scientists at the "Global Consciousness Project," which, apparently, exists:

Our minds influence Matter and Quantum Energy fields, so by concentrating our thoughts during and after The Big O on peace and partnership, the combination of high orgasmic energy combined with mindful intention for peace could reduce global levels of violence, hatred and fear.

Obviously, the Global Orgasm will take place on Solstice, which is to say, December 22nd. For those of you not currently residing in New Age La-La Land, solstice is both the shortest day of the year and a day that hippies believe has magical powers. Or whatever.

This is from the website:

WHO? All Men and Women, you and everyone you know.

WHERE? Everywhere in the world, but especially in countries with weapons of mass destruction and places where violence is used in place of mediation.

WHEN? Solstice Day - December 22, at 06:08 Universal Time (GMT)

WHY? To effect positive change in the energy field of the Earth through input of the largest possible instantaneous surge of human biological, mental and spiritual energy.

In case you'd like to participate (and, hey, it can't hurt), here are the times in America:

Washington, DC: Saturday, 1:08 am
Chi-town (I figure Kels can do plenty for world peace): Saturday, 12:08 am
San Francisco: Friday, 10:08 pm

Good luck, everyone. If the war is still going on come Sunday, I'll know ya'll didn't come hard enough.

Love,
GTG

Q: I bought "The Cone." I hate it. A: You're SOL.

Dear Go-To Girl,
I made a huge mistake. After my recent breakup, I desperately needed a new sex toy and I bought one without consulting you first. I got "The Cone." I hate it. What should I do?
Love,
Confused by the Cone

Dear CC,

I, too, am confused by The Cone. Every time I went to visit my friend who works at Babeland I would put my hands around it and wonder why anyone would spend $130 on a vibrating cone. There are a lot of vibrator shapes out there that manage to be both weird and orgasm-inducing, but a cone-shape isn't one I think of when I think of product success.
Since you can't return sex toys, I did some research into The Cone and here are my suggestions, which are based on the user comments at the Babeland site:

You have to sit on it.
Try out all the different vibrating options.
Use a second vibe for your clit. (I know, paying $130 for something that can't stand alone is infuriating)

If all else fails, clean it thoroughly and try to pawn it off on someone else.

Love,
GTG

The Verdict is In: "Double Up" Tour is Next Weekend's Go-To Show

OMG, y'all. My old pal Kels is on tour, perhaps for the last time. For those of you who don't think about R. Kelly day and night, he's got a court date for 5 child pornography charges set for the spring. Obviously, this is a bogus trial--but nevertheless, Kels might be...indisposed for quite some time and come out of prison singing about a totally different kind of "gettin' freaky in da club." If you catch my drift.

Next Saturday, December 15th, Kels will play at the Oakland Coliseum and I will be there. The reviews are in, like this one from Vibe, and they are overwhelmingly positive. Here's a link to the tour dates.

To paraphrase T.I.,

"If you've gotta man, try to leave him if you can [and come to the R. Kelly show]. I'm a flirt."

Teen Birth Rate Increases: What about abstinence?

From the New York Times:

Teen birth rates are up for the first time in more than 15 years. What does this mean? Well, it means that there is either more pregnancy overall or that a greater proportion of pregnant teens are choosing to give birth instead of having an abortion or, perhaps, a spontaneous miscarriage.

Or...it means that when they are told that questions about birth control are totally off limits in their abstinence-only sex ed class they aren't learning how to avoid getting pregnant.

But don't listen to me--listen to the "expert" at the Heritage Foundation, Robert Rector:

Robert Rector, a senior research fellow with the Heritage Foundation, said that blaming abstinence-only programs was “stupid.” Mr. Rector said that most young women who became pregnant were highly educated about contraceptives but wanted to have babies.

Right. Now listen to a real expert, my advisor at Columbia, John Santelli:

Teenage birth rates are driven by rates of sex, contraception and abortion. In the 1990s, teenage sex rates dropped and condom use rose because teenagers were scared of AIDS, said Dr. John S. Santelli, chairman of the department of population and family health at Columbia University.

And let's hear from Rector one more time:

Mr. Rector of the Heritage Foundation said that teenage and unmarried birth rates were driven by the same factors: young women with little education who are devoted to mothering but see no great need to be married.

Apparently they have "little education" overall but manage to be "highly educated" about birth control methods which they just choose not to use. Way to go, Heritage Foundation.

Rector is an idiot--why not send him an email and tell him so?

Q: Painful Pussy. A: Ouch!

Dear Go To Girl,

I have a question you might know the answer to.

I've been seeing a girl long-distance, so we don't get that many chances to hook up. After we've been having sex for a few minutes, she starts to have pain in her vagina. She's a very juicy woman, but maybe extra lube could help? I'm a bit bigger than most guys, and she commented that my big dick might be the issue. She was also in an accident 6 years ago where her pelvis broke and altered the angle of vaginal entry, so we need to really work at insertion. Any thoughts?

Many thank-you's.
-John

Dear John,

Ouch! There's nothing worse than obstacles to long-distance-relationship sex. Your girlfriend's problem could be vaginismus, a condition in which the vagina kind of seizes up and makes sex really painful. Usually, though, vaginismus is not due to the kind of injury your girlfriend had a few years ago (again, ouch!).

A couple of things to ask her about: does it hurt when she puts other stuff in her vagina, like tampons or fingers? And are you able to penetrate her at all? Vaginismus usually prevents sex altogether because the vagina becomes so tight.

To solve this problem, your girlfriend ought to see a gynecologist and figure out what's up. Vaginismus is usually caused by subconscious stressors that often have a psychological cause (like child abuse or rape) but the treatment, which usually consists of exercises of the PC muscles, might be helpful to her. She also might have something else inside her vagina, like a sore, that is causing pain when you have sex so she should get tested for STDs. Second, try to penetrate her with fingers only for a while and see if you can get her to relax and not feel the pain. It's probably not your "big dick" though--sorry. That's hardly ever the real problem.

If all else fails, try some different positions--I don't know much about pelvic fractures, but I bet some positions hurt more than others. And more lube is always a good idea!

Love,
Go-To Girl

Sex Secrets!

A fellow blogesse, Elicia Gonzales of SHE talk, is collecting sexy secrets a la the book Post Secret. Check out her blog and post a secret anonymously--and see if you can figure out which one is mine.

Q: Are there any condoms out there that don't suck? A: Found one!

Dear GTG,

I don't know what to do--I've met this guy and things are going great but I haven't used condoms in ages and I don't know which kind to buy. My corner drugstore has a dizzying array and I don't want to spend twelve bucks on rubbers that I end up hating after the first try. I don't like spermicide and I want them to be super thin. Any recommendations?

Rubbergirl

Dear RG,

While my normal advice when it comes to condoms is just "Yes!" I actually have a specific recommendation for you. I'm normally a Trojan girl (Ultra Thins, if you please) but I've discovered a condom that I just adore: The Kimono Type E. Kimono is a fantastic Japanese brand, and the Type E is the best yet. It's green (not its best feature) and has lots of ribs and dots that you can actually feel. The latex is so thin that it's as though it's not there at all.



When you're in the market for condoms, try to hit up a good sex toy store like Babeland or Good Vibrations that have samples out of the wrappers for you to feel. I like to take each condom between two fingers and rub them together--if you can feel heat between your fingers as you rub, you should be able to feel heat when you use them for sex. If you don't have such a store near you, go to the Babeland or GoodVibes website and order a selection of condoms--you can buy them individually and try them out til you find one you like.

Good luck!
Go-To Girl

Virginity is so hot right now

Loss Of Virginity More Humiliating Than Original Virginity

Virginia: Fuck Yeah!!!

Virginia Governor Tim Kaine continues kicking ass and taking names this week by eliminating Virginia's matching abstinence-only sex education funding. This step will end the federal government's AFLA funding to the state, too. This takes Virginia a few steps closer to being the state that will decide the 2008 election in favor of Democrats. Fuck yeah!

From the Washington Post.

Q: Blow-job dirty talk? A: Yes, but mind thy tongue

This Is The Point In The Blow Job Where I Have To Be Careful What I Say

Ordinarily, I am a candid, even verbose individual, but this is a particularly sensitive time for me, so I will try to remain brief. We have...

Word of the Day: Kakistocracy

No, I am not making this up.

Kakistocracy: A system of government in which the worst people are in power.

Obviously, this is now my favorite word. It's probably really pronounced "cackistocracy" but clearly needs to be pronounced "cockistocracy"

As in:

"What the fuck? Congress is allocating MORE money for abstinence-only? We are so under the thumb of a total kakistocracy."