Tuesday, March 11, 2008

National Sex Threat Level ORANGE: Sexual activity causes STIs!


This is HPV. Are you terrified yet??

File this one under "OMFG, for real?!"
From CNN.com:
Study: 1 in 4 Teen Girls Has An STD

A choice tidbit:
The study by CDC researcher Dr. Sara Forhan is an analysis of nationally representative data on 838 girls who participated in a 2003-04 government health survey. Teens were tested for four infections: human papillomavirus, or HPV, which can cause cervical cancer and affected 18 percent of girls studied; chlamydia, which affected 4 percent; trichomoniasis, 2.5 percent; and herpes simplex virus, 2 percent.

One more time:
...nationally representative data on 838 girls...

As always, nationally representative data is nationally representative and we have to accept this research for good and bad; but come on, people--what this study actually means is that 25% of 838 girls (for the math-ally challenged, that's 209.5 girls) had an STD. They don't call them "sexually transmitted infections" for nothing. Obviously abstinence isn't hot right now.

I think it's time we stopped freaking out about STIs. With the exception of HIV, they are not deadly and most amount to a treatable, often curable infection that cause symptoms little worse than strep throat or the chicken pox save for the irrefutable evidence they provide that *Gasp!* young people are having sex.

Thanks to L, D, and everyone else who thoughtfully sent this my way.

Monday, March 10, 2008

Breaking news: NY Governor Spitzer Involved in Prostitution Ring!

Holy $hit! All I can say. Stay tuned for the press conference and, presumably, the resignation announcement this afternoon. Yikes.
From the New York Times:
Spitzer Is Linked to Prostitution Ring

Ridiculous anti-gay nonsense out of Oklahoma


Oklahoma State Representative Sally Kern

This sort of thing isn't what I normally cover here on GTG, but I found this on Pandagon and couldn't resist reposting it.

"Oklahoma Insane Anti-Gay Tirade By State Representative"

Some tidbits:

Studies show, no society that has totally embraced homosexuality has lasted for more than, you know, a few decades. . .

I honestly think it’s the biggest threat our nation has, even more so than terrorism or Islam.

They want to get them into the government schools so they can indoctrinate them.

…They are going after our young children, as young as two years of age, to try to teach them that the homosexual lifestyle is an acceptable lifestyle.

You know, gays are infiltrating city councils…did you know that the city council of Eureka Springs is now controlled by gays — they are winning elections.

One of my colleagues said We don’t have a gay problem in our community…well you know what, that is so dumb. If you have cancer in your little toe, do you just say that I’m going to forget about it since the rest of you is fine? It spreads! This stuff is deadly and it is spreading. It will destroy our young people and it will destroy this nation.


Why not send her an email?
Oklahoma State Rep. Sally Kern (sallykern@okhouse.gov)

Saturday, March 08, 2008

It's official: Erectile Dysfunction is a Sign of Heart Trouble

"First Come Erectile Ills, Then Heart Troubles," from today's New York Times.
I know that this article skews a little old for my regular readers, but hey--when the Times publishes and article about sex, I pay attention.

And with a gold-mine quote like this, how could I resist?

“The penis is the dipstick of the body’s health,” said Dr. Harry Fisch, director of the Male Reproductive Center at Columbia University Medical Center of New York Presbyterian Hospital.


I hope Dr. Fisch knows how clever he is. It's not every day someone makes such a meta-hilarious comment about the penis and its literal--and figurative--role in the body's health.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Comeback of the year: Kels supports Hillz!


Hillz puts the reporterbitches in their place.

Following last night's election R. Kelly reportedly made a congratulatory call to his close pal Hills, and gifted her with this set of lyrics to his hit comeback song, "Rollin." You might remember his lyrics about the Larry Craig scandal, also posted here exclusively.

Hillz! I'm back Niggas [Cablenews reporters]
What?
Ya’ll thought I was gone? [didn't have enough delegates?]
Nope!!

When I was down you bitches didn’t want to be my friends (rollin) [Who gives a fuck about those tiny bitch democratic primaries?]
And now I’m rollin all you bitches wanna hop in [Texas and Ohio and Rhode MotherFuckin' Island, bitches!]
Rollin
I’m going toot toot, beep beep [ghostridin' on highway 35 in Austin]
Pulling up on them wheels now [on my Secret Service limo]
All black on body got it shining much like a seal now [seriously]
And a shoty much like a seal now [the presidential seal]
Got them cars in my garage [limos, people]
No less than a mil now [35 mil raised in the last month, to be precise]
Hillz about to take the bar [number of delegates won]
And I’mma set it real high [like, so high I can't be beat]
Double take, double take [like how I doubled up on Ohio and Texas, bitches]
When I roll up to the club
Players hate, players hate [CNN, MSNBC, Fox News, why y'all hatin?]
Players hate, players hate [Chris Matthews, what do you know about pimpin'?]
When I walk up in the club [White House]
I got them shades on doing about 75 [reading glasses]
Just call me speed racer cause I’m rollin in at mach 5 [more like 35 in my black armored 'Scalade]
Ya’ll niggas ain't fucking with me [seriously, you're not]
And I put a mil on it [35 mil raised in the last month, to be exact]
Niggas and bitches they lie [fuck the newsmedia]
But home boy them stats don’t [superdelegates, Florida, Michigan]
R & B Boss/Hussling like Rick Ross/Man my flow is so raw/
So niggas don’t piss me off [reporters, I will continue to put yo asses in the men's room]
I’m a player homie and that’s a well known factor [hello? Latino voter strategy?]
Plus the wheels on that coup got it looking like a tractor [I am from Arkansas, after all]

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Hello from Sexas!


Hi readers-
Sorry to have been so out of touch. I've moved to Austin, Texas (start packing your bags...it's awesome) so I've been hella busy. Here's a little tidbit to get you started (thanks, Sara).

Sexual Incompatibility Troubles Marriages


And while you're clicking links, take a look at Austin's friendly hometown sex toy store, Forbidden Fruit. You might recognize them from the Dildo Diaries documentary.

More to come!
Love,
GTG

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Don't Give Up Hope, Abstinence!

Friday, February 15, 2008

Publicity-hungry Man Bitter at Kels: The Interview

I don't have time to comment on this right now, but listen to this interview about R. Kelly having a (totally legal) relationship with his friend's daughter (who was totally of age).
http://www2.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gif
George Daniels Interview

This is the guy who Kels' mentions in "Step of the Name of Love":

"Regina and George Daniels, I love you..."

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Q: More orgasms during sex? A: Have more by yourself.


Dear Go-To Girl,

Some of the girls at here at our sweet Quaker college got into a long conversation about sex and habits, relationships, etc. I brought up your website, which got us talking a bit more. Your 10-10-50 rule got mixed reviews, but we went through to find more explanations and was then agreed upon. But what came up was the fact that 4 our of the 5 girls participating in the conversation had never had an orgasm during intercourse. Many expressed distress for not being able to "have as much fun" as their partner.

So the question for you becomes, how do we work on having an orgasm during intercourse? Are there things we can do?

Love,
Ashley

Dear Ashley,

That font of knowledge on all things college-sex-related, Cosmopolitan, has an article on this very subject in the very March issue. I haven't read it yet, so I can't tell you what it says, but I'm sure you'll recognize it by the headline, "127 Things You Do To Make Sex With Your Man More O-Tastic!!!"

But seriously. I did read the article, and here's what it said:

Tease Yourself Before He Gets There (get a little bullet vibrator)

Use Hot-Spot-Hitting Positions (they say woman on top is best; try putting your legs up over their shoulders)

Double Your Pleasure (make them touch you somewhere relevant during sex)

Turbocharge Your Touches (use lube, a vibrator, handcuffs, etc.)


The article also mentions a few things that can stand in the way of good orgasms and I want to highlight them:

Birth control pills (seriously, ladies, BCPs can have serious effects on desire and orgasm)

Antidepressants (ditto)

Alcohol (might make you want to fuck more, but it does a number on blood flow and makes you less sensitive)

My best advice to having more orgasms during sex more often is to have as many as you can when you're alone. It's not like the guys aren't constantly practicing.

Love,
Go-To Girl

Sunday, February 03, 2008

Yup, the War's Still On...



Thanks to Quaker House for this new batch of pictures from the Camp Lejeune Marine base in North Carolina. For those of you who missed the first set, these banners are hung up by wives of soldiers returning to Camp Lejeune from Iraq. They not only remind me that there is a war happening that has real effects on the lives of real men and women, but that sex culture in the military is a truly fascinating animal.

These banners get hung up--with the soldiers' names and, often, their rank on them--so that the planes coming in on the runway can see them. I absolutely love that this baldfaced expression of lust is totally acceptable in the Marines. I guess they understand that when your Snugglypoo has been in Iraq for a third tour, you're entitled to tell the whole world how much you want to fuck him.

The war is still on.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Q: My new guy has facial hair and I hate it! A: Suck it up.


Dear Go-To Girl,
I met this new guy and he's got facial hair, which I kind of hate both aesthetically and in terms of making out. What to do?

Likes it shaved,

Jenny

Dear Jenny,

I totally sympathize with you on this one. I can't stand facial hair. In my case, I'm fairly confident there's some Oedipal cause--I've never seen my father's face as it's been covered by a full beard since he was about 24.

That said, I think ladies have about as much authority to demand a facial-shave as guys do a lady-shave. (Which is to say none, guys) But since you get to see a guy's face before a guy gets to see your parts (most of the time, anyway), if you really don't like facial hair, you wouldn't have been attracted to this guy in the first place. So maybe you're not as grossed out by facial hair as you think you are.

Me, I like a guy who hasn't shaved for, like, 5 days. The hair isn't mean and scratchy to Go-To Girl's soft, delicate skin at that point, but they don't look all bearded and caveman-ish.

So, to answer your question, here's what you should do: make out with him with hair. If you really can't stand the way it feels against your skin, ask him to shave. But he might say no.

Love,
GTG

PS-Guys, a goatee is never acceptable. Y'all should rise up against the douchebag that has tricked men into thinking that this is not only an acceptable but an attractive way to cover one's face. Yuck.

Friday, January 11, 2008

More Circumcision Nonsense


File this one under "What About the Fucking?"

From BBC News:
Circumcision Does Not Curb Sex

Besides the hilarious and awkward translation of "curb" from British English to American English, this article is about the leaders of the Ugandan circumcision-as-HIV-prevention-method study (who are people I know, by the way) attempting to assuage fears that circumcision, even if it is an effective HIV prevention method, will significantly effect sexual experiences of adult (!) men who undergo the procedure.

"Our study clearly shows that being circumcised did not have an adverse effect on the men who underwent the procedure when we compared them with the men who had not yet received surgery," said Professor Ronald Gray, who led the study.


One thing to remember here, though: the head of the uncircumcised penis is super sensitive because it is covered by foreskin almost all of the time. The loss of sensation due to removal of the foreskin would increase over time as the nerve endings are more and more exposed to fabric of clothes, the elements, whatever. So they should really ask them a few years out about sexual pleasure changes--most males who undergo circumcision as infants have about 15 years to dull the head of the penis before they use it for sex.

Some 98.4% of the circumcised men reported satisfaction, compared to 99.9% in the control group.

In terms of ability to penetrate, 98.6% of the circumcised group reported no problem, compared with 99.4 of the non-circumcised group.

However marginally more circumcised men - 99.4% - reported that they had no pain during intercourse, compared with 98.8% of the other group.


Again--the above questions are about overall pleasure; none of them specifically ask if they experience more or less sensation in the penis, which is the risk you face with circumcision. As much as I respect these scholars and trust their judgment, when it comes to actually talking to people about the sex that they're actually having, doctors usually miss the mark. Sigh.

Important disclaimer for Amurrica: Circumcision is not an effective HIV prevention method in developed country contexts (i.e., the U.S. and Europe). Don't go thinking that if you're circumcised you're not at risk for HIV and if you're uncut, don't go getting circumcised. Please.

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Log Cabin Republicans, Take Note: The Initiation of Gay Men


University of Michigan Professor David Halperin. Don't look too close--he might make you gay!

Thanks to Kels for this tip:

The University of Michigan is offering a course this spring called "How to be Gay: Male Homosexuality and Initiation."

Promising to be both an examination of and an introduction to the initiation process itself, the course:

In particular, we will examine a number of cultural artifacts and activities that seem to play a prominent role in learning how to be gay: Hollywood movies, grand opera, Broadway musicals, and other works of classical and popular music, as well as camp, diva-worship, drag, muscle culture, taste, style, and political activism.


The instructor, David Halperin, has been subject to lots of criticism and even proposed legislation in Michigan to end his course by way of forcing the state to "scrutinize" funding for public universities. This article, from the University of Michigan Michigan Daily talks about the controversy.

Obviously, you can't teach someone how to be gay. But you can teach them to participate in gay life effectively. Log Cabin Republicans, take note. Perhaps Halperin could be the keynote speaker at your annual convention.

Friday, January 04, 2008

Victoriana Alert: HPV Vaccine Causes Fainting!


I'm not making this up. From the Associated Press:
The groundbreaking vaccine that prevents cervical cancer in girls is gaining a reputation as the most painful of childhood shots, health experts say. As Austin Powers would say; "Ouch, baby. Very ouch."

And there's more:
During its first year of use, reports of girls fainting from vaccinations climbed, but it's not clear whether the pain of the cervical cancer vaccine was the reason for the reaction.


Doctors suggest the fainting may be due to "the needles," or -- wait for it -- "nervousness."

Fainting? Nervousness? Next thing we know women who get the Gardasil vaccine will be suffering from hysteria and nymphomania. Call the whambulance.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

You May Exhale: Kels Made it to Court


Kels, those jail scrubs just don't flatter you.

via MTV.com:

Kels' judicial bullshit continued today when he arrived, as commanded, at his trial (20 minutes early, no less) only to have the hearing continued til Friday. When will these people stop wasting Kels' time?

More details have emerged regarding the reason behind Kels' delay:

There was "some snow" in Sacramento, where he had played a show earlier this week;

His buses were pulled over for driving "in excess" of 100 miles per hour;

The drivers hadn't had their required 8 hours of rest and had to stop.

The judge is even threatening to revoke Kels' bond, which would obviously bring the rousing success of his national tour to a tragic end. Come on, hater Judge Gaughan. Kels just wants to love you.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Breaking News: Arrest Warrant for Kels!



Item!

From the Chi-town Tribune:

R. Kelly missed a court date today due to a traffic snafu in Utah, and Assistant State Hater (Attorney) Shauna Boliker cut him no slack.
"It is an abuse of the process and disrespectful of the court and your honor for everyone who has come prepared to go," she said. "The leeway the court has given him to go on a 45-city tour, to do whatever he pleases. The very least he could do is be here for his appointed court date."

If I'm not mistaken the trial, which was originally scheduled for this past September, had to be put on hold because a certain Ms. Boliker had a baby.

Surely R. Kelly's marathon national tour deserves at least as much flexibility as Ms. Boliker's little baby.

Again: Kels is on trial for allegedly videotaping himself having sex with a girl who allegedly may have been 13 at the time of the taping. The girl in question, however, denies that she's the one on the tape.

I can't make this stuff up: The Global Orgasm for Peace



Really, people, I can't even dream up stuff this ridiculous. While vacationing in the secret Marin County town of Bolinas, California this weekend I came upon an article in the local paper about--wait for it--The Synchronized Global Orgasm for Peace.

The idea behind the Global Orgasm is that, apparently, some Scientist somewhere believes that the positive energy emitted after an orgasm could, if done on a mass global scale, really make peace in the world.

According to Scientists at the "Global Consciousness Project," which, apparently, exists:

Our minds influence Matter and Quantum Energy fields, so by concentrating our thoughts during and after The Big O on peace and partnership, the combination of high orgasmic energy combined with mindful intention for peace could reduce global levels of violence, hatred and fear.

Obviously, the Global Orgasm will take place on Solstice, which is to say, December 22nd. For those of you not currently residing in New Age La-La Land, solstice is both the shortest day of the year and a day that hippies believe has magical powers. Or whatever.

This is from the website:
WHO? All Men and Women, you and everyone you know.

WHERE? Everywhere in the world, but especially in countries with weapons of mass destruction and places where violence is used in place of mediation.

WHEN? Solstice Day - December 22, at 06:08 Universal Time (GMT)

WHY? To effect positive change in the energy field of the Earth through input of the largest possible instantaneous surge of human biological, mental and spiritual energy.


In case you'd like to participate (and, hey, it can't hurt), here are the times in America:

Washington, DC: Saturday, 1:08 am
Chi-town (I figure Kels can do plenty for world peace): Saturday, 12:08 am
San Francisco: Friday, 10:08 pm

Good luck, everyone. If the war is still going on come Sunday, I'll know ya'll didn't come hard enough.

Love,
GTG

Monday, December 10, 2007

Q: I bought "The Cone." I hate it. A: You're SOL.


Dear Go-To Girl,
I made a huge mistake. After my recent breakup, I desperately needed a new sex toy and I bought one without consulting you first. I got "The Cone." I hate it. What should I do?
Love,
Confused by the Cone

Dear CC,

I, too, am confused by The Cone. Every time I went to visit my friend who works at Babeland I would put my hands around it and wonder why anyone would spend $130 on a vibrating cone. There are a lot of vibrator shapes out there that manage to be both weird and orgasm-inducing, but a cone-shape isn't one I think of when I think of product success.
Since you can't return sex toys, I did some research into The Cone and here are my suggestions, which are based on the user comments at the Babeland site:


You have to sit on it.
Try out all the different vibrating options.
Use a second vibe for your clit. (I know, paying $130 for something that can't stand alone is infuriating)


If all else fails, clean it thoroughly and try to pawn it off on someone else.

Love,
GTG

Friday, December 07, 2007

The Verdict is In: "Double Up" Tour is Next Weekend's Go-To Show


OMG, y'all. My old pal Kels is on tour, perhaps for the last time. For those of you who don't think about R. Kelly day and night, he's got a court date for 5 child pornography charges set for the spring. Obviously, this is a bogus trial--but nevertheless, Kels might be...indisposed for quite some time and come out of prison singing about a totally different kind of "gettin' freaky in da club." If you catch my drift.

Next Saturday, December 15th, Kels will play at the Oakland Coliseum and I will be there. The reviews are in, like this one from Vibe, and they are overwhelmingly positive. Here's a link to the tour dates.

To paraphrase T.I.,
"If you've gotta man, try to leave him if you can [and come to the R. Kelly show]. I'm a flirt."

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Teen Birth Rate Increases: What about abstinence?

From the New York Times:

Teen birth rates are up for the first time in more than 15 years. What does this mean? Well, it means that there is either more pregnancy overall or that a greater proportion of pregnant teens are choosing to give birth instead of having an abortion or, perhaps, a spontaneous miscarriage.

Or...it means that when they are told that questions about birth control are totally off limits in their abstinence-only sex ed class they aren't learning how to avoid getting pregnant.

But don't listen to me--listen to the "expert" at the Heritage Foundation, Robert Rector:


Robert Rector, a senior research fellow with the Heritage Foundation, said that blaming abstinence-only programs was “stupid.” Mr. Rector said that most young women who became pregnant were highly educated about contraceptives but wanted to have babies.


Right. Now listen to a real expert, my advisor at Columbia, John Santelli:

Teenage birth rates are driven by rates of sex, contraception and abortion. In the 1990s, teenage sex rates dropped and condom use rose because teenagers were scared of AIDS, said Dr. John S. Santelli, chairman of the department of population and family health at Columbia University.


And let's hear from Rector one more time:

Mr. Rector of the Heritage Foundation said that teenage and unmarried birth rates were driven by the same factors: young women with little education who are devoted to mothering but see no great need to be married.


Apparently they have "little education" overall but manage to be "highly educated" about birth control methods which they just choose not to use. Way to go, Heritage Foundation.

Rector is an idiot--why not send him an email and tell him so?

Friday, November 30, 2007

Q: Painful Pussy. A: Ouch!



Dear Go To Girl,

I have a question you might know the answer to.

I've been seeing a girl long-distance, so we don't get that many chances to hook up. After we've been having sex for a few minutes, she starts to have pain in her vagina. She's a very juicy woman, but maybe extra lube could help? I'm a bit bigger than most guys, and she commented that my big dick might be the issue. She was also in an accident 6 years ago where her pelvis broke and altered the angle of vaginal entry, so we need to really work at insertion. Any thoughts?

Many thank-you's.
-John

Dear John,

Ouch! There's nothing worse than obstacles to long-distance-relationship sex. Your girlfriend's problem could be vaginismus, a condition in which the vagina kind of seizes up and makes sex really painful. Usually, though, vaginismus is not due to the kind of injury your girlfriend had a few years ago (again, ouch!).

A couple of things to ask her about: does it hurt when she puts other stuff in her vagina, like tampons or fingers? And are you able to penetrate her at all? Vaginismus usually prevents sex altogether because the vagina becomes so tight.

To solve this problem, your girlfriend ought to see a gynecologist and figure out what's up. Vaginismus is usually caused by subconscious stressors that often have a psychological cause (like child abuse or rape) but the treatment, which usually consists of exercises of the PC muscles, might be helpful to her. She also might have something else inside her vagina, like a sore, that is causing pain when you have sex so she should get tested for STDs. Second, try to penetrate her with fingers only for a while and see if you can get her to relax and not feel the pain. It's probably not your "big dick" though--sorry. That's hardly ever the real problem.

If all else fails, try some different positions--I don't know much about pelvic fractures, but I bet some positions hurt more than others. And more lube is always a good idea!

Love,
Go-To Girl

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Sex Secrets!

A fellow blogesse, Elicia Gonzales of SHE talk, is collecting sexy secrets a la the book Post Secret. Check out her blog and post a secret anonymously--and see if you can figure out which one is mine.

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Q: Are there any condoms out there that don't suck? A: Found one!


Dear GTG,

I don't know what to do--I've met this guy and things are going great but I haven't used condoms in ages and I don't know which kind to buy. My corner drugstore has a dizzying array and I don't want to spend twelve bucks on rubbers that I end up hating after the first try. I don't like spermicide and I want them to be super thin. Any recommendations?

Rubbergirl

Dear RG,

While my normal advice when it comes to condoms is just "Yes!" I actually have a specific recommendation for you. I'm normally a Trojan girl (Ultra Thins, if you please) but I've discovered a condom that I just adore: The Kimono Type E. Kimono is a fantastic Japanese brand, and the Type E is the best yet. It's green (not its best feature) and has lots of ribs and dots that you can actually feel. The latex is so thin that it's as though it's not there at all.



When you're in the market for condoms, try to hit up a good sex toy store like Babeland or Good Vibrations that have samples out of the wrappers for you to feel. I like to take each condom between two fingers and rub them together--if you can feel heat between your fingers as you rub, you should be able to feel heat when you use them for sex. If you don't have such a store near you, go to the Babeland or GoodVibes website and order a selection of condoms--you can buy them individually and try them out til you find one you like.

Good luck!
Go-To Girl

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Virginity is so hot right now

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Virginia: Fuck Yeah!!!



Virginia Governor Tim Kaine continues kicking ass and taking names this week by eliminating Virginia's matching abstinence-only sex education funding. This step will end the federal government's AFLA funding to the state, too. This takes Virginia a few steps closer to being the state that will decide the 2008 election in favor of Democrats. Fuck yeah!

From the Washington Post.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Q: Blow-job dirty talk? A: Yes, but mind thy tongue

This Is The Point In The Blow Job Where I Have To Be Careful What I Say

The Onion

This Is The Point In The Blow Job Where I Have To Be Careful What I Say

Ordinarily, I am a candid, even verbose individual, but this is a particularly sensitive time for me, so I will try to remain brief. We have...

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Word of the Day: Kakistocracy

No, I am not making this up.

Kakistocracy:
A system of government in which the worst people are in power.

Obviously, this is now my favorite word. It's probably really pronounced "cackistocracy" but clearly needs to be pronounced "cockistocracy"

As in:
"What the fuck? Congress is allocating MORE money for abstinence-only? We are so under the thumb of a total kakistocracy."

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Q: Is it time for straight people to adopt hanky code? A: Yes.


You might be saying, "What's hanky code?" I'm here to tell you. First, click on this link to go to an extremely comprehensive listing of different colored hankies one can wear to da club and what they mean to potential sex partners.

So go read the list and then try to translate the following scenario:

"Gettin' Freaky in the Club"

(Straight crowd is milling around the bar. Everyone has a hanky. WTF?)

(Jenny walks to the bar and catches the bartender's eye. He walks over and notices that she has a bright red bandanna tied around her neck.)

Bartender: "Hey there, Miss, what can I getcha?"

Jenny: "How about a Strawberry Cheesecake Lube Shot?"

Bartender: "Whaa?"

Jenny: "Exactly."


When you've figured out what code Jenny is wearing, write me and let me know. But seriously, wouldn't it make life easier if people generally adopted hanky code? It might take the guessing game out of hooking up if you knew in advance that the guy or gal you're taking home isn't into biting but is into hair-pulling before you're disappointed not to have marks? Put another way, hankies reveal a person's particular kinks (or lack thereof) and can save the time and heartache of being in a relationship with someone who is totally sexually lame.

And, for the record, my hanky collection includes red, navy blue, brown lace, and this cute fuschia one with owls on it. Oh, and I'm wearing a houndstooth dress.

Friday, October 19, 2007

Review: O'My "Pixie"



Bullet vibrators come in two grades: amateur and professional. A great introduction to the world of vibrators, many bullets are made of hard, smooth plastic and churn through batteries at a rapid clip.

For those for whom the bullet vibe becomes a regular in their sex toy arsenal, the hard, smooth plastic cheapies do not suffice. That’s where the higher-end bullets, like O’My’s Pixie, come in.

The Pixie comes in three colors—pink, blue, and purple, making it easy to coordinate--or contrast—-with the rest of the toys in your box. Made of a nonporous silicone that also provides vital friction, the Pixie holds its own against the clit without becoming too slippery. Pixie is waterproof, making it a good toy for the shower or for internal play. Just make sure you clean it thoroughly afterwards!

The Pixie also comes with a nubby elastomer cover that can turn it into a vibrating cock ring that can be used on a cock or fingers.

At $20.99, the Pixie is a little pricier than other bullets, but for the higher quality materials and additional features it’s worth it. One factor to keep in mind with any vibrator is how quickly they use batteries. A $5 vibe that eats up a new set of AA’s with each use will quickly become more expensive than the $25 bullet whose batteries don’t need to be changed for months.

The Pixie has four speeds and when I first turned it on I expected a really strong vibration at the highest speed, but that’s not what I got. It was strong enough (and maybe my batteries weren’t too fresh) but I was surprised that I had to keep it turned on “Super” for the duration.

Though it only comes with one bullet, the Pixie has two jacks so that you can plug in another bullet if you have a friend to play with or just want to use two hands. The removable bullet also makes cleaning easier and eliminates those embarrassing, “What’s that buzzing inside my suitcase?” moments at airport security.

One of the marks of a higher quality bullet is its volume: lots of the cheaper ones seem designed to allow for maximum rattling and therefore zero privacy if you live with someone else. The Pixie isn’t totally silent, but it’s quieter than some other bullets I've used.

Bullet vibes are different than shaft-shaped ones; they can be inserted and pushed against the G-spot but are primarily intended to use on the clit. Try the Pixie inserted into the vagina with a butt plug to keep it in proximity to the G-spot and plug in another bullet to the second jack for the clit. Just an idea.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Q: Did God intend for pussy to taste like passionfruit? A: Ew. No.


New review is up!

With so many high-quality sex lubes out there today, it can be difficult for a newcomer to differentiate itself from its shelf-mates. O’My has entered the fray with a wide variety of lubes: silicone and water-based, flavored and “natural.”

First, the “natural” flavor. Where a lot of unflavored lubes go wrong is by including some ingredient that, while not a “flavor,” leaves a nasty taste in your mouth or a smell on your hands that kills the mood. My favorite lube, Maximus, tastes like tonic water and kind of makes your tongue go numb. Not hot.

O’My’s Natural Lubricant is great: It’s thick enough for both vaginal and anal play and it smells like aloe, not chemicals. It comes in a pretty, teardrop-shaped purple bottle that passes the bedside table test: the label says “natural” and nothing else. Unless someone looked closely, they’d think that nice bottle by your bed is hand lotion.

Since it’s water-based, O’My Natural doesn’t stain sheets and washes out easily. The pump top can be turned so that it is securely closed and packable. The 4 oz. bottle costs $13.95, which is kind of pricey but the subtlety of the bottle makes it a good investment.

I confess to being completely averse to flavored lubes in general; unless they’re being used over a piece of latex, strawberry or coconut just doesn’t taste good when added to the natural taste of someone’s private parts. I'm not really sure I actually understand under what circumstances they're supposed to be used. I get flavored condoms for blow jobs, but why do you need lube, too? And flavored lube on pussy is wretched, people. Trust me.

As far as flavored lubes go, O’My’s Strawberry Cheesecake and Passion Fruit are good. Each of these lubes is slightly less sticky than the Natural, meaning that they probably wouldn’t be very good for anal play. O’My’s flavored lubes are all sugar-free, which means that they won’t stick to your skin like candy and won’t cause nasty yeast infections which traditional flavored lubes are known to.

The Strawberry Cheesecake tastes like a strawberry Jell-O shot and the Passion Fruit tastes like liqueur. Neither of these flavors is bad, but I personally wouldn’t want to add them to sex. Perhaps the Girls Gone Wild people should invent a GGW shot for which a girl licks some flavored lube off some other girl's nipple and then takes a swill of tequila.

Strawberry Cheesecake’s bottle is the same as the Natural, but red; Passion Fruit is orange. The name of the flavor is the only text on the bottle, so these lubes also pass the bedside table test.

In addition to these three types, O’My has flavored lubes in Melon, Cappuccino, Cherry, Kiwi Strawberry, Blueberry Cheesecake, and Pina Colada. Why not have a tasting party? Where are you, Girls Gone Wild?

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Newsbites: Friends with benefits, Gay Navy, etc.


Researchers at Michigan State University have done the first (tiny, unrepresentative, pretty useless) study on "friends with benefits." The study found that, duh, someone in the relationships is almost always afraid of one partner becoming more emotionally attached than the other. The New York Times article can be found here.


And in other news, gay porn found on a Navy Officer's computer will be used as evidence against him at trial.

Gay Porn Allowed as Evidence in Navy Trial
A military judge has ruled that gay adult content on a Navy physician’s personal computer can be used as evidence against him to support charges that he secretly recorded midshipmen from the Naval Academy having sex at his home in Annapolis.

Monday, October 01, 2007

By Popular Demand: The 10 Steps to a Successful Anal Encounter




Go-To Girl assumes that when normal people have dinner parties they don't sit around the table with their closest friends explaining how to successfully have anal sex. But, hey, anything for you guys!

Ethically speaking I have to say that I learned (almost) everything I know from Tristan Taormino, author of The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women.

While I have written several times about anal sex in this column, my readers (read: dinner party guests) are begging for an explicit and authoritative account of the 10 Steps. So, here goes.

1. Buy a bottle of lube.

2. Put it under your pillow.

3. When going down on your partner covertly lube up a finger. (9 times out of 10 the friend-cum-reader who's asking is male with a female partner, but the same applies if it's some other combination of partners or a female partner who wants to peg her man)

4. Touch the rosebud lightly; eventually you should be able to feel it relax and it will open up slightly.

5. Put your fingertip in. Delicately!

6. Assuming your partner doesn't say, "What the fuck are you doing?"* bring them to orgasm with your finger in their ass.

7. Snuggle and whatever and say something like, "That was so hot." Hopefully they'll agree and say something like, "I don't know if this sounds weird, but that felt soooo good!"

8. Repeat steps 3-7 until you can comfortably get 3 fingers in. This will probably take a few days.

9. When you and your partner have decided that you're ready to go forward with a cock-in-ass situation, warm up first with some fingerplay. Add more lube!

10. Covering your cock (flesh or silicone) with a ridiculous amount of lube (you should put on so much lube that you think, "Surely no one could ever need this much lube." And then add more.) go forth and fuck appropriately.

Notes:

While not mandatory if you and your partner are STI-free, condoms are a good idea for health reasons and because...well...what goes up must go down. Keep that in mind.

Do NOT use baby oil or any other oil-based lube. Or flavored lube. I like Maximus.

My dinner party guests were not in agreement about whether or not one should mention anal curiosity beforehand; I think, honestly, that once you get to be a certain age it's okay to try certain things without asking. Obviously "No" means "No," but your chances of success are better if you finger first and get told "No" (or, hopefully, "Yes!Yes!YES!!!") later.


*If this happens, you might be shit out of luck.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Support Our Troops: Get Them Laid!





Go-To Girl does not ordinarily comment on the war, but these pictures crossed my desk (read: inbox) and I thought I'd post them. I think they're a really heartfelt reminder that while our government may view American soldiers as expendable, there are horny wives and girlfriends to whom they are not.

At Camp Lejeune, in North Carolina, Marines' families are not allowed to meet them at the plane when they arrive, so they make these bedsheet-signs and hang them on the fence by the runway.

While I think it's really adorable and kind of romance novel-y to envision these soldiers coming home to wildly excited wives and girlfriends, these photos are a poignant reminder that some 3,500 men and women didn't make it back at all.

Let's hope they remembered their protective gear.



all photos courtesy of Quaker House.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

New Toy Reviews!

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Monday, September 24, 2007

Q: Doesn't anyone do research on fetishes? A: Take this survey

Hey readers--
The great people at National Coalition for Sexual Freedom are conducting research into the discrimination and/or violence experienced by people who engage in sexual behaviors considered "kinky." By way of generalization, this means B/D/S/M (bondage/domination/submission/masochism), leather, and various other fetishes that are not considered "normal." This is distinct, though not necessarily mutually exclusive from, traditional sexual minorities--LGBTQ, etc.

The survey is available on the NCSF website:
www.ncsfreedom.org

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Q: How do lesbians have sex? A: Join this website.




Remember Crash Pad and Superfreak? Now there's a pay site with continuously updated dyke porn here. It's a little bit pricey but my brief glance at the video previews shows that it's indeed totally hot.

Here's a preview of the Dylan and Trucker video:

Kels + Usher = Delicious

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

AmeriSex News Items!


Don't sue me Kels; it's a mannequin!

Item:

R. Kelly's trial has been postponed again, indefinitely.

Apparently the lady-prosecutor in the case went and got knocked up and had a baby so she's unavailable to be at trial until spring 2008.

The good news though is that jurors will get to see the 26 minute sex tape in its entirety. Hopefully they'll also watch the Dave Chappelle sketch so R. Kelly can demonstrate the hateration that has been perpetrated against him as a result of this case.

*Sigh*

Item:


So I'm watching a CNBC show called "On the Money" today and there's a bit on what's being billed as the "American Idol" of porn.

It's called "America's Next Top Porn Star." It's available, hilariously, on Pay-Per View. I knew that it was tough for guys to break in to porn, but girls? I thought it was pretty much a first come, first serve kind of industry. http://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gif

Here's the registration form for the show. See the list of, ahem, activities.

Sad but true

Go-To Girl Has a New Address!

Please update your bookmarks with my new, incredibly easy to remember website name!

www.thisisgotogirl.com

While you're here, please take my poll testing the validity of 10-10-50. What is 10-10-50, you ask?

Click here to read the original post. Then click here to read the revision.

Then take the poll.

Monday, September 17, 2007

Q: Is there a Brazilian wax substitute? A: It's called "shaving"


The Go-To Razor.

Dear Go-To Girl,

Is there a brazilian wax substitute?
I liked the look and feel, and I LOVE the effect it has on my boyfriend. It was just so painful!! How do you make it hurt less?

Love,

Like Arachnaphobia but for Pain

Dear LABFP,

Believe me, I know how you feel. The friend of mine who talked me in to getting a Brazilian wax kept promising that it would "hurt so good" and that I'd just want to "rub all over everything." In retrospect, neither of those things are super-appealing, and neither actually happened.

She told me to take lots of ibuprofen before my appointment, to get some Bactine, and, if possible, to get high. I took ibuprofen and bought some Bactine, but I didn't have any drugs so I can't speak to the effect they might've had. I wasn't in much pain afterwards, but g-ddammit, I almost gave up in the middle of the whole thing.

I think that shaving, once you've mastered the art, is just as good as waxing but if you want to mimic the boyfriend-effect you really have to do it right before sex. I know people who are into having their partner shave them. If your partner is R. Kelly, I imagine you know something about this.

To do a really thorough job, you've got to get out of the way of the shower stream and use a good shaving cream--I like Kiss My Face because it's not foamy and stays put for a while. You've got to put each leg up on something and use your hands to pull the skin of your vag taut to get a smooth shave. Shave in the direction of hair growth first and then shave against it.



You've got to really use your hands so you can feel where the hair is; you won't be able to see all the crevices you're after, so get comfortable. Controversy surrounds whether or not to shave the rosebud; if you're not into anal, don't bother.

Shaving the area takes practice and maintenance but it's worth it.

Please do not--I repeat, do not--use depilatories in your nether regions. Take it from me--they aren't lying when it says on the label that it's not intended for the "genital area."

Good luck!
Go-To Girl