Tuesday, January 20, 2009

It's the Big O-O-O-OMG!

Thanks to my long lost pal C for the tip on this.

Have you been searching for a new sex toy to mark the beginning of the new administration but just aren't satisfied with the blase, nonpartisan appearance of most dildos currently on the market?


Well, then, this Barack Obama dildo is definitely for you.

While the Head O State O-O-Obama! dildo isn't made of silicone, the rubber is phthalate free. And that matters.

In keeping with the generous assumptions made about Obama's sexual prowess by the liberal, mainstream media, the dildo measures a mind-boggling 7 1/2 inches long and almost 2 inches in diameter. Which is huge. Really.

This thing is gonna be so hot that you'll be thanking your lucky stars for these freezable lube cubes

At the bargain price of $34.95, you'll have enough economic stimulus check left over to buy one for your best friend.

Happy Inauguration!

*Seriously, freezable lube cubes? Fuck yeah!

Happy Mother F-ing Inauguration Day!

When Bill Clinton was inaugurated the first time I was a wee gal of twelve and my dad put aprons on my brother and me and took us down to the Mall to sell buttons. We sold them ("No War for Oil!" "Support the Troops: Bring them Home Now!") for $1 apiece and made oodles of cash.

I'm devastated not to be in Washington today but if I were, you can bet your bippy that I'd be selling these super sweet Obama condoms. Democrats like to fuck especially when there's some socially meaningful occasion, and this is just about the most important thing to have happened to the good people of the United States in, you know, decades.

I can only imagine what the scene will be like at Hawk 'n Dove, my favorite DC bar. Hopefully someone will be out on the Mall handing out rubbers; that's what I'll be doing here in Texas. But that's what I do every day.

This administration will be our best bet for getting rid of abstinence-only education, the fantasty that waiting until marriage is the "expected standard of human sexual behavior," the denial of health information and services to women that allow them to live healthy lives and control their fertility, and of course reduce barriers to abortion for women who must make that choice.

Make sure you tell Obama you want things to change.

Go forth and fuck appropriately (and fuckin' celebrate!),


Friday, January 16, 2009

Q: I want to get tested for "everything" A: No dice!

The OraQuick HIV test.

Dear Go-To Girl,

I'm in a new relationship and want to stop using condoms with my boyfriend, so he and I are going to get tested to make sure we don't have anything. How do I get tested for everything?

Safety Girl

Dear SG,

The good news is that, Congratulations! You're totally responsible. The bad news is that there is no one test for "everything." Usually, when you go to the doctor and ask to be tested for STIs, they'll do a urine test that tests only for gonorrhea and chlamydia. So if, in the past, you've had a urine test for STIs, that's all you've been tested for.

To test for HIV, you can either do traditional blood test or an oral swab test. The blood test gets sent out to a lab and results can take a few days to come back, but the oral test can be read in 20-30 minutes. Syphilis is also a blood test, though to be tested for both HIV and syphilis you'll need to give 2 little vials of blood. Sorry about that.

Herpes is a slightly more complicated test. Most physicians are reluctant to test for herpes unless you have symptoms, because the test is very expensive. If you do have symptoms, the doctor can take some cells from a sore in the infected area and test them but if you're not having symptoms, they can do a blood test to check for antibodies.

If you haven't been vaccinated against Hepatitis A and B, you should get tested for those, too.

Women are screened for HPV via the annual Pap smear--and an abnormal Pap can show abnormal cells that are assumed to be caused by HPV, but the Pap doesn't test for HPV itself. According to the CDC, "yearly anal Pap tests [are recommended] for gay, bisexual, and HIV-positive men, since anal cancer is more common in these groups." (Thanks, O)

So, in short, to be tested for "everything," you need to be specific with your healthcare provider that you want a urine test, and HIV test, and a herpes test. If you haven't been vaccinated against HPV or the Hepatitises, do it.

And beyond just getting tested, you should get treated for any STIs you do have. Chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis are all curable with antibiotics; Herpes can be treated with Valtrex; HIV is manageable and treatable.

Go forth and fuck appropriately.


Friday, January 09, 2009

Tongue Tied After Popping Cherry?
Read This.

Via Found_Objects, this hilarious book details the proper etiquette for a lady who has been deflowered in any number of different ways. The poster claims that it was published in 1965; I don't care about its authenticity but it sure is funny.

For example:
Deflowerment on Cross Country Bus
Late at night on cross country bus, you are embarrassed by seizure of hiccups that disturbs other passengers. Man in adjoining seat helpfully says: "I've heard of a sure-fire cure for hiccups." After deflowerment, you say, "Thanks, my hiccups are gone." He says, "It always works."
You say, "Yes, but now I'm getting car sick."
Some people are bad travelers and nothing can be done about it.
Just in case you're anticipating an upcoming deflowerment, read up on the proper thing to say afterwards.

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Happy New Year--Need a Sex Vacation?

Okay, okay, I know it's been forever. But I was on vacation.

Do you need a vacation? Via Jayme Waxman, if you are a member of a happy, heterosexual, exhibitionist couple and would like to get paid $5000 to have sex in Jamaica, check this out:

Sensual Couples is looking for 4 real-life couples between the ages of 25
and 40 to perform in our first how-to title, "Sexual Positions for Lovers", to
be shot February 28 -- March 7, 2009 in Jamaica at the fantastic Hedonism II
Couples will receive $5,000 US dollars, round trip airfare from any
major city in the continental US to Montego Bay, Jamaica and 7 nights at the
Hedonism II all inclusive resort, which includes room, all meals and activities.

Read the full post here. More soon.