Sunday, March 25, 2007

Guess who was right about the HPV vaccine?

That's right, dear readers: ME. See the following Op-Ed in the Times. While there are cases in which the HPV vaccine makes sense this article clears up a lot of misunderstandings that have been fully exploited by Merck, the vaccine's manufacturer, which stands to make a $hit-ton of money if New York and other state governments mandate the vaccine (which costs a whopping $360 for the series of 3 shots) for all school-age children.
The fact is, treatment for cervical cancer is so available and so good that the disease burden does not necessitate such a hugely expensive vaccine. This is not avian flu, people. I will concede that the author of this article is a staffer at the Cato Institute, a libertarian think tank, but they're smart people in spite of their opposition to stuff like heavy-handed government public health measures.
The reason the HPV vaccine doesn't need mandating isn't "because making such determinations rightly rests with families" (individuals and individual families routinely make the wrong determinations about all kinds of health issues) but because the cost of this vaccine and the as-yet unknown risks associated with it mean that, particularly until the cost goes down, it's just not necessary.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Spring break, part 3...the saga continues

For the love of G-d, please don't ever fly in or out of Houston or in or out of Brownsville. Apparently every bad weather system in the United States settles, at some point, over one of these two airports. Suffice it to say that the horror of my air travel makes the prospect of coming back to SPI kindof a nightmare.
But then I think back to this bartender at Louie's Backyard, and it makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside about my Spring Break journey.
This is the very same tank top given to the girls in the Screaming Orgasm contest. I give this guy ten bajillion badass points for wearing it.
So, in conclusion, Spring Break was fun. My hotel totally rules; check it out at

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Spring Break, part 2 y'all!

Last night was GTG's first ever VIP experience. And not only was I in the VIP section, I was actually The VIP since Trojan was the exclusive sponsor of last night's show. Which meant that everyone was kissing my ass (a very strange experience!) and buying me drinks and showing me all the kids wearing the Trojan hats and tank tops.

The highlight was the Trojan Woman contest, which, surprise! turned into the Screaming Orgasm contest once the girls got on stage. The first 4 girls had clearly not had much experience faking orgasms, but the last two turned in a star performance. See pic at left.

So some of you have been anxiously awaiting the revelation of last night's Mystery Star. Although I had never before heard the name Paul Wall, I got my picture taken with him (in all of his Grill Glory) and got to sit in the elevated VIP section during the concert. See picture below.

So tonight is supposed to be some "competitive barhopping" with our ad agency gal to see what kind of "premiums" (read: tank tops and titty beads) the other companies are handing out. The saddest part of this whole affair is that among the other big sponsors are the Army, the Marine Corps, and the National Guard. Today the Army folks staged a parachute drop of like 8 soldiers onto the beach.

And speaking of the beach, look what I stumbled upon right in the midst of it all!

These Spring BrEvangelists come down and make a Jesus Sand Sculpture every morning (this is the very same mound of sand atop which yesterday's butt shot was taken) and drive drunk kids around for free until 4 a.m. And they have an all-you-can-eat pancake breakfast at the Baptist church right next to my hotel! Tempting...

And just in case you forgot that I'm in Texas, here's a little reminder:

Love, GTG

Monday, March 12, 2007

Spring Break, y'all! Part 1

Y'all! Seriously, y'all! Listen up: Spring Break is awesome. And, by awesome, I mean awesomely American and bad and trashy and Texas. I'm here in South Padre Island, which is, apparently, the number 1 Spring Break destination in the U.S. It is also the number one destination for excessive tanning, cheap thongs, and Victoria's Secret "PINK" sweatpants. Seriously, like every girl has a pair. I'm staying at The Upper Deck Hotel, SPI's only gay hotel and only gay bar. It's kind of fabulous, kind of Brokeback. There's a crew of nice hot gay boys from UT (see pics).

So the hotel is nice. And although I lived through a hurricane today, the sun came out this afternoon and I got to walk down the beach and see Spring Break in action. And some jellyfish that look like condoms that have been blown up.

As I was walking down the beach, it was all nice and quiet
and families with kids and stuff, and then, all of a sudden,
it was officially Spring Break.

More to come tomorrow, including a photo of me with a Mystery Celebrity!
Love, GTG

Saturday, March 10, 2007

Go-To Girl Gone Wild!!

It's true, readers: I'm going to Official Spring Break on behalf of a Certain Condom Company that I cannot name lest I reveal both my and its identity. Let it be said, though, that I will take photographs of the biggest fratty douchebag asshole and the drunkest dirty sratty slut I can find and post them for your viewing pleasure. Luckily my staff will be on hand to distribute condoms to these people and prevent them from reproducing.
As for me, I'll be staying in The (only) Gay Hotel which I hope will offer some sort of refuge from the Gone Wildness.

Important Biology Question

Dear readers,
It's not every day that I get to test my biology know-how (beyond, of course, the inner workings of le sex organs) but the other day I received, via text message, the following question:

Oysters begin their lives as males and end their lives as females, what would you call this sexual deviance?
Devoted reader

Dear DR,
Well, in my field, we call these people M-to-F trannies, but it's been a long time since I took that marine biology course in college. The term "protandric" which means "has male sex organs while young and later in life has female sex organs." It's the combination of two words, "Proto," meaning "early" and "andric," meaning "male." Betcha didn't know I also dabble in etymology.

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Back from Vacay!

Okay everyone, I sincerely apologize for being so mother f-ing MIA. Life in the world of sex advice is extraordinarily busy. Wink wink.
So, first things first: new toy recommendations.

1. The Aneros.

So valued is my sex toy review advice that I can call up my editor and say, "Hey! I want [insert name of wildly expensive toy here]!" And I get it. But I decided to share the love and gifted my Aneros to a certain heterosexual couple I know for the experimentation part of the review.
The Aneros is intended to be used with no hands to create some special kind of mindblowing, non-ejaculatory orgasm. Whatever. It's a great introductory anal toy, since it's super-smooth plastic and not that big, and the handle is really cool.
My Special Product Tester Friends (whose names I cannot reveal) reported ease of use, security of placement during sex, and goosebumps upon orgasm. Straight people are so cute!
The price of this toy has just gone down to $48 ( and I recommend it for those gals who want to introduce their guy to anal play without an intimidating strap-on right away. With practice, surely those out-of-this-world orgasms will happen.

2. The VixSkin "Tex" Dildo.

I have only these two words to say about Tex: Fuck yeah. The Neverending Search For the Perfect Dildo has officially ended. This thing is made out of "VixSkin," which actually, really, honestly feels like real skin. Which is good, because normal silicone dildos are so smooth that they don't pull at the skin in the way a real live cock would. Tex has solved that problem. And the size and shape are perfect: not too big, not bendy, and curved exactly where I want it to be.
These toys are pricey (I shelled out $97 for Tex) but worth it. I'm throwing all my other dildos away.

More to come soon.