Thursday, September 27, 2007

Support Our Troops: Get Them Laid!





Go-To Girl does not ordinarily comment on the war, but these pictures crossed my desk (read: inbox) and I thought I'd post them. I think they're a really heartfelt reminder that while our government may view American soldiers as expendable, there are horny wives and girlfriends to whom they are not.

At Camp Lejeune, in North Carolina, Marines' families are not allowed to meet them at the plane when they arrive, so they make these bedsheet-signs and hang them on the fence by the runway.

While I think it's really adorable and kind of romance novel-y to envision these soldiers coming home to wildly excited wives and girlfriends, these photos are a poignant reminder that some 3,500 men and women didn't make it back at all.

Let's hope they remembered their protective gear.



all photos courtesy of Quaker House.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

New Toy Reviews!



Dear readers,

Every now and then I get a bagful of sex paraphernalia that I get to try out and write about for SexHerald.com. Here is the latest slew of products (part 1 of 3):

O'My Pleasure Gel

Like alchemy and the search for the Holy Grail, some searches are forever fruitless. The search for a magic clit-stimulator bullet is similarly ineffective: most products designed for this purpose do absolutely nothing, and O’My’s Pleasure Gel is no exception.

Pleasure Gel, like other similar products, promises to “enhance sexually intimate activities by increasing clitoral sensitivity and improving women’s ability to achieve orgasm.” (Quote from the enclosed instructions.) The “science” behind this gel is that it creates a cold/hot feeling that is due to the menthol in the gel.

The gel does indeed elicit a cold/hot sensation, but that sensation does not really increase sexual pleasure or sensitivity at all. It actually feels a little bit alarming; I don’t associate a burning feeling with sexual pleasure but with fear and a panicked call to the gynecologist.

At $20 per .4 oz tube, this product is a total waste of money. For those insistent on trying topical clitoral stimulators, there are other, similar products available that cost less. The one advantage O’My’s gel has over other products I’ve tried is that it doesn’t smell like menthol. Menthol smells good when you put it on your chest to help a sore throat, but mixed with pussy it smells horrible.

O’My’s Pleasure Gel can be used on other sensitive tissues, like the nipples or the ass and it creates the same warmth that is intensified by blowing on the area. But as an orgasm enhancer, this product does not live up to its promise.

Zero Stars!

Monday, September 24, 2007

Q: Doesn't anyone do research on fetishes? A: Take this survey

Hey readers--
The great people at National Coalition for Sexual Freedom are conducting research into the discrimination and/or violence experienced by people who engage in sexual behaviors considered "kinky." By way of generalization, this means B/D/S/M (bondage/domination/submission/masochism), leather, and various other fetishes that are not considered "normal." This is distinct, though not necessarily mutually exclusive from, traditional sexual minorities--LGBTQ, etc.

The survey is available on the NCSF website:
www.ncsfreedom.org

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Q: How do lesbians have sex? A: Join this website.




Remember Crash Pad and Superfreak? Now there's a pay site with continuously updated dyke porn here. It's a little bit pricey but my brief glance at the video previews shows that it's indeed totally hot.

Here's a preview of the Dylan and Trucker video:

Kels + Usher = Delicious

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

AmeriSex News Items!


Don't sue me Kels; it's a mannequin!

Item:

R. Kelly's trial has been postponed again, indefinitely.

Apparently the lady-prosecutor in the case went and got knocked up and had a baby so she's unavailable to be at trial until spring 2008.

The good news though is that jurors will get to see the 26 minute sex tape in its entirety. Hopefully they'll also watch the Dave Chappelle sketch so R. Kelly can demonstrate the hateration that has been perpetrated against him as a result of this case.

*Sigh*

Item:


So I'm watching a CNBC show called "On the Money" today and there's a bit on what's being billed as the "American Idol" of porn.

It's called "America's Next Top Porn Star." It's available, hilariously, on Pay-Per View. I knew that it was tough for guys to break in to porn, but girls? I thought it was pretty much a first come, first serve kind of industry. http://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gif

Here's the registration form for the show. See the list of, ahem, activities.

Sad but true

Go-To Girl Has a New Address!

Please update your bookmarks with my new, incredibly easy to remember website name!

www.thisisgotogirl.com

While you're here, please take my poll testing the validity of 10-10-50. What is 10-10-50, you ask?

Click here to read the original post. Then click here to read the revision.

Then take the poll.

Monday, September 17, 2007

Q: Is there a Brazilian wax substitute? A: It's called "shaving"


The Go-To Razor.

Dear Go-To Girl,

Is there a brazilian wax substitute?
I liked the look and feel, and I LOVE the effect it has on my boyfriend. It was just so painful!! How do you make it hurt less?

Love,

Like Arachnaphobia but for Pain

Dear LABFP,

Believe me, I know how you feel. The friend of mine who talked me in to getting a Brazilian wax kept promising that it would "hurt so good" and that I'd just want to "rub all over everything." In retrospect, neither of those things are super-appealing, and neither actually happened.

She told me to take lots of ibuprofen before my appointment, to get some Bactine, and, if possible, to get high. I took ibuprofen and bought some Bactine, but I didn't have any drugs so I can't speak to the effect they might've had. I wasn't in much pain afterwards, but g-ddammit, I almost gave up in the middle of the whole thing.

I think that shaving, once you've mastered the art, is just as good as waxing but if you want to mimic the boyfriend-effect you really have to do it right before sex. I know people who are into having their partner shave them. If your partner is R. Kelly, I imagine you know something about this.

To do a really thorough job, you've got to get out of the way of the shower stream and use a good shaving cream--I like Kiss My Face because it's not foamy and stays put for a while. You've got to put each leg up on something and use your hands to pull the skin of your vag taut to get a smooth shave. Shave in the direction of hair growth first and then shave against it.



You've got to really use your hands so you can feel where the hair is; you won't be able to see all the crevices you're after, so get comfortable. Controversy surrounds whether or not to shave the rosebud; if you're not into anal, don't bother.

Shaving the area takes practice and maintenance but it's worth it.

Please do not--I repeat, do not--use depilatories in your nether regions. Take it from me--they aren't lying when it says on the label that it's not intended for the "genital area."

Good luck!
Go-To Girl

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Q: Should I forget about the guy with the plywood mattress? A: Yes


dear gtg,
this past spring, a good friend set me up with a friend of hers. goofy art kid without a decent full-time job and plywood board for a mattress. we slept together...a lot. i found it annoying that he would take eons to return my calls and would myspace message me instead of using email, but, quirky art kid, right?

we were having a grand old time until i left for a month-long trip. we said "see you later," and, while i joked with friends that i'd probably come back and he'd have a girlfriend, i was truly surprised when i got back and that's precisely what happened! am i wrong to think that, even if you're just having a good time with someone (whom you might like out of bed as much as in), wouldn't it be nice if they told you they were kinda on to someone else and basically using your cooter in the interim? because he didn't tell me himself, oh no. i found out through the friend who'd hooked us up, after i'd been back for a week!

whatever happened to courtesy and gentle ego-breaking rejection? the worst part: i still have it for this dude a little. it's maddening. so where did i go wrong? did i give the goods away too fast? was i, for however beautiful and awesome he kept telling me i was, not good enough? or should i just stay away from guys who sleep on plywood boards?

Sadly,
Princess In Madd Plywood

Dear PIMP,

I want you to visualize something for me. Pretend that, while you were gone on your trip, douchebag goofy art kid was laying, alone, on his plywood mattress, fantasizing about you and crying and jerking off til he couldn't feel anything anymore.

He is so distraught by your absence--indeed, he was so nervous about his feelings for you that he had to use MySpace messages instead of real email or the phone to get in touch with you--that he does the only thing a man can do: he sought comfort in the arms of another cooter.

He didn't reject you--you rejected him. You said, "See ya, biatch, I'm goin' on a trip." And he couldn't handle it. This very situation has happened to every girl--including me, this very summer--and believe me, the heartbroken men are legion, wandering the earth drunk-dialing their ex-girlfriends in our absence. But that's what life is like when you're a pimp. You can't get hung up on the last guy, or the guy whose fingers trembled too much to dial a phone, or the guy who slept on a plywood board, or the guy who "thought" he mentioned that he was going to visit his ex-girlfriend. He does all of these things because he's just that into you. And he can't handle it.

So, PIMP, you are the playa in this situation (as, as always, am I). It is up to you to pick yourself up by your lady-bootstraps and find a man with a real mattress and fingers that are functionally able to dial a telephone. And take comfort in the fact that this problem effects men the world over: He's Just Not That Into You has been translated into 37 languages, after all.

Love,
Go-To Girl

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Back-to-School Special: Part 1

As promised, here is the first installment of my soon-to-be wildly popular Back-to-School Special.



Dear Go-To Girl,

Ok, I'm ashamed to admit it, but I have a question about the Larry Craig scandal. Dan Savage, as well as other people, when dissecting this phenomenon of secret man-on-man bathroom hook-ups, have said that most men who engage in such behavior are "straight-identified." This makes sense to me. What I'm wondering is, are these "straight-identified" men really gay, and hiding it because they're conservative senators or whatever? Or are there lots of seriously straight men who crave the thrill of this kind of interaction too? Is bathroom sex an outlet for gay desires, or separate kink to itself?

Thanks!

Curious

Dear Curious,

I'm with Dan on this one. While Senator Craig might "really" be gay (just like R. Kelly might "really" prefer peeing on people) and deals with it by having secret sex with men while maintaining his hetero marriage and his anti-gay stance in Congress, it's definitely true that there are men (and women) who really are straight and like to have same-sex sex sometimes.

In Craig's case it's impossible to tell if he's "really" gay. But who cares? There are just as many straight-identified guys who like to fuck other guys as there are gay-identified guys who prefer to fuck straight guys (Google image search "straight guys" if you don't believe me).

In my mind, sexual orientation is about what gender of person you want to be in love with, not what gender you like to fuck. For most straight people, they are one in the same, but not for everyone. Some gay men have sex with women because they like the poontang--but they want to have relationships with men. Maybe Senator Craig really wishes he could set up house with one of these bathroom guys, but it's just as real a possibility that having sex in bathrooms is, for him, a kink that he sometimes indulges while maintaining that he is actually, certifiably, really straight.

Love,
Go-To Girl

Guys Gone WILD!!!

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

It must be back to school time...


Seriously, when it comes to sex-blogging, it's either feast or famine. Usually I'm begging for questions or writing about my friends' secret love scandals (just kidding, guys!) but it's obviously back to school because I've gotten like ten questions in the last 48 hours.

I promise to answer them all in turn, starting tomorrow. But until your question gets answered, remember: use condoms, people. Otherwise, go forth and fuck appropriately.

Larry Craig pulls an R. Kelly

via the New York Times:
Mr. Craig stunned Washington late yesterday with an announcement through his spokesman that he may return to the Senate despite announcing Saturday “my intent to resign from the Senate effective September 30.”

Holy Shit! Senator Craig is clearly taking a page from R. Kelly's playbook by giving a big "Fuck you!" to Washington.

Senator Craig, I recommend you defiantly return to W'ton on September 30th with your Stunnas on and bouncin' on your 24's, which should also be chopping and spinning.

And remember what R. Kelly wrote in "Rollin'":

I'm back Niggas [Senators]
What?
Ya’ll thought I was gone? [resigning in disgrace?]
Nope!!

When I was down you bitches didn’t want to be my friends (rollin) [ethics inquiry?]
And now I’m rollin all you bitches wanna hop in [Fuck all y'all!]
Rollin

Players hate, players hate [I'm looking at you, Senator Mitch McConnell {R-KY}]
When I walk up in the club [Senate]
I got them shades on doing about 75 [glasses]
Just call me speed racer cause I’m rollin in at mach 5 [more like 35 on Constitution]
Ya’ll niggas ain't fucking with me [Senate Ethics Committee]
And I put a mil on it [just ask my lawyers, Stanley Brand and Andrew Herman of the Brand Group]
Niggas and bitches they lie [fuck the police]
But home boy them stats don’t [prostitute's phone list, Senator Vitter {R-LA}?]
R & B Boss/Hussling like Rick Ross/Man my flow is so raw/
So niggas don’t piss me off [listen up, Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington]
I’m a player homie and that’s a well known factor [thanks for your support, Senator Arlen Specter {R-PA}]
Plus the wheels on that coup got it looking like a tractor [I am from Idaho, after all]


I really thought Senator Craig was going to puss out on this one, but he's obviously been inspired by R. Kelly's upcoming child pornography trial (stay tuned for up-to-the-minute coverage starting September 17th!). Fuck the Republican leadership.