Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Toy Review: Fun Factory Smart Balls

Fun Factory's Smart Balls

It's been a while since I did a toy review, and with the impending apocalypse signaled by the swine flu panic, I figured "What better time to encourage masturbation than the few weeks preceding inevitable quarantine?" So here goes.

Fun Factory's Smart Balls are, ostensibly, an exercise toy: intended to strengthen the PC muscles, they are especially useful for women who have gone through vaginal childbirth or some other traumatic pelvic event and want to tone up their PC muscles. But they're also useful for women who aren't starting from scratch.

The balls are, like all of Fun Factory's toys, made of high quality materials--in this case, silicone. Each ball houses another, smaller ball that rattles when moved, causing involuntary muscle contraction. You can also use them for intentional Kegel exercises and push and pull them, but they are best used for incidental entertainment, like while vacuuming. Or something.

Smart Balls are designed to be small enough to fit inside the vagina and, if the muscles are strong enough, be held there during other activities, like masturbation or anal sex.

Like any good toy intended to be inserted and left in, Smart Balls have a string so you can pull them out. The silicone construction means they can be sanitized with soap and water.

At $28, the Smart Balls are a great investment. Check out this video from Babeland detailing even more ways to use 'em.

Friday, April 24, 2009

Ex-Masturbator: The T-Shirt?

By way of the Huffington Post, there's a new anti-sex game in Christtown and it's called The Passion for Christ Movement, or P4CM. I'll let them speak for themselves:
Yeah we said it….Nobody talks about it, but most people have done it or are still doing it. It's seems to be a rite of passage for both girls and guys into the world of sex. Some say masturbation is not a sin, some say that it is. But is it really okay in the eyes of God?
They're absolutely right that nobody talks about masturbation, that most people are doing it, and that it's an introduction to sex. But I'm not so clear on why God might not be okay with it. I'm not sure they know, either, because I can't find anything on their website that explains why God hates self-love.

But they've got some other t-shirts, too: Ex-Bisexual, Ex-Hustler, Ex-Narcissist, and my favorite, Ex-Atheist.

While I'm all for accountability in religious faith, I'm definitely not convinced that the particular traits on these shirts are high on God's "stop doing that" list.

I do really like their pastor, though, Justin Cox. You can see videos of him preaching about "What men need to know about women @ church" parts 1 and 2. He says that you can't judge a woman by how she acts in church, and at least we can agree on that. No videos about masturbation, though.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Trojan's New "Fingertip Vibrator"
for Your "Most Sensitive Area"

Some of you know that I used to consult for Trojan so I want to fully disclose here: they didn't pay me to write this, nor did they send me one of their new, fabulous (?) Her PleasureTM Vibrating TouchR Fingertip Massager. (Thanks, W, for the tip via text)

The first time I watched this commercial I thought it was a Mad TV sketch. I have no idea why Trojan (owned by Church and Dwight, whose main product is actually Arm & Hammer Baking Soda) is going into the infomercial-mail-order sex toy business, but I'm intrigued.

My favorite part? Their "Tips At Your Fingertips"
Use finger to apply vibrations externally as desired. The Trojan Her Pleasure Vibrating Touch fingertip massager is designed to stimulate a woman's sensitive area.
Oh, I have a sensitive area? I wonder where it is. I would've recommended people use it on their clit.

If you're looking for a fingertip vibrator, the product you actually want is the Fokouku 9000. For 10 bucks more you get a product made of silicone (instead of yucky phthalate plastic) that works.

The upside to these products is that Trojan is bringing sex toys to Wal-Mart America. They succeeded in getting several stores that would never carry legitimate sex toys to carry their vibrating rings and this fingervibe and if that introduces some newbies to the world of toys, I'm all for it. But you, gentle readers, are far too advanced for this My (Grandma's) First Vibrator.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Q: "I want to try anal,
but sometimes I bleed"

Dear Go-To Girl,

I've been dying to try anal sex but there's one thing holding me back. Sometimes when I poop there is blood and I'm worried that having something like a penis in there would just rip me open. What's going on? Does this mean I can't ever try anal?


Dear Brandy,

I'm not sure if Poison was talking about butt sex, but Bret Michaels once memorably sang:
Was it something I said or something I did
Did my words not come out right
Though I tried not to hurt you
Though I tried
But I guess that's why they say

Every rose has its thorn
Just like every night has its dawn
Just like every cowboy sings his sad, sad song
Every rose has its thorn
I'm not sure if Mr. Rock of Love was talking about anal, but I think the song is apropo here. The skin of the ano-genital area is super-rich with blood vessels to make it able to stretch significantly for childbirth. That means that when any little old thing happens down there--rough sex, a shaving nick, a particularly tough poop--you're likely to bleed. That bleeding is hemorrhoids--the result of swollen blood vessels under the skin of the rectum or anus.

Hemorrhoids are very, very common in the US--probably due to the generally poor state of the national diet. The most common preventative measure recommended by physicians is to increase your fiber and water intake.

As to your anal sex concern, there are definite ways around this problem. First, don't try any anal action when you've recently had a bleed. The skin usually heals very fast but it's not worth making it worse by putting something big in your anus.

You can have a doctor check out your parts, too--if you have internal hemorrhoids anal sex is probably a bad idea. But if all you have is a small section on your anus that routinely bleeds a little bit--an external hemorrhoid--then anal exploration will likely be fine.

When you're not experiencing any pain or bleeding, try stretching the muscles out with fingers, a butt plug, and lots of lube. Doing so may actually reduce your bleeding because, over time, you'll stretch out the skin of the anus.

If, with exploration and practice, you have bleeding and pain, don't go further. But I think if you go slow and steady and work up to a good size butt plug, anal sex should be well within your reach.

Read all about anal sex in Tristan Taormino's excellent "The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women."

Go-To Girl

Friday, April 17, 2009

More Weird Pube Grooming Stuff

Current TV does an occasional series called "Target: Women" about weird commercial stuff related to the management of unruly, dirty, weird lady parts. This latest video covers the new, semi-subtle Schick Quattro "trim" commercial featuring vaguely metaphorical topiaries turning from ragged, weird shapes into sharp, common pubic hair shapes (triangles, landing strips, hearts, etc.). Gross.

I guess it's kind of close to summer/bathing suit season/whatnot so maybe that's why all of this is floating to the surface now. But...really?

Thursday, April 16, 2009

The Sex Talk, Coming to a Boy Near You

Blogs have been
buzzing this week around doctor Perri Klass's article in the New York Times urging parents to talk to their sons about "respect" and, basically, that relationship violence and rape is bad.

It should be obvious to everyone that teenagers must be taught what "no" looks and sounds like (which, sometimes, is radio silence) but if they learn how to say "no" when the time comes, they also need to know when and how to say "yes."

Abstinence education only teaches one way to say "yes": within the context of heterosexual marriage. Since the vast majority of people have sex prior to marriage with someone to whom they are not later married, people figure out on their own how to say "yes" and a significant number of them, especially women, wind up having their "no" ignored, misinterpreted, or not heard over the din of the frat party and become victims of sexual assault.

Sex education is important to reduce unintended pregnancy and STIs, to be sure, but teaching teenagers that they have the right to to choose sex--to say "no" AND "yes"--is the most important lesson of all.

Thursday, April 02, 2009


Look, I love the color pink. Most of my apartment decor is pink and/or orange. I love it. If it comes in pink, I probably have it in pink. My office is littered with pink lampshades, pens, highlighters, water bottles, clipboards, copies of Managing Contraception, boxes of strawberry Nerds, a hot pink painting of the Brooklyn Bridge...the list goes on. I really like pink.
But I was innocently looking for images of douches on for an unrelated graphic design project and you'll never guess what I pink pubic hair dye. No, really. Fun Betty "Color For the Hair Down There" (tee hee) also comes in Blonde, Love (red), Malibu (aqua blue), and Brown.
Tip to Beauty's Spot.