Q: Is it time for straight people to adopt hanky code? A: Yes.

You might be saying, "What's hanky code?" I'm here to tell you. First, click on this link to go to an extremely comprehensive listing of different colored hankies one can wear to da club and what they mean to potential sex partners.

So go read the list and then try to translate the following scenario:

"Gettin' Freaky in the Club"

(Straight crowd is milling around the bar. Everyone has a hanky. WTF?)

(Jenny walks to the bar and catches the bartender's eye. He walks over and notices that she has a bright red bandanna tied around her neck.)

Bartender: "Hey there, Miss, what can I getcha?"

Jenny: "How about a Strawberry Cheesecake Lube Shot?"

Bartender: "Whaa?"

Jenny: "Exactly."

When you've figured out what code Jenny is wearing, write me and let me know. But seriously, wouldn't it make life easier if people generally adopted hanky code? It might take the guessing game out of hooking up if you knew in advance that the guy or gal you're taking home isn't into biting but is into hair-pulling before you're disappointed not to have marks? Put another way, hankies reveal a person's particular kinks (or lack thereof) and can save the time and heartache of being in a relationship with someone who is totally sexually lame.

And, for the record, my hanky collection includes red, navy blue, brown lace, and this cute fuschia one with owls on it. Oh, and I'm wearing a houndstooth dress.

Review: O'My "Pixie"

Bullet vibrators come in two grades: amateur and professional. A great introduction to the world of vibrators, many bullets are made of hard, smooth plastic and churn through batteries at a rapid clip.

For those for whom the bullet vibe becomes a regular in their sex toy arsenal, the hard, smooth plastic cheapies do not suffice. That’s where the higher-end bullets, like O’My’s Pixie, come in.

The Pixie comes in three colors—pink, blue, and purple, making it easy to coordinate--or contrast—-with the rest of the toys in your box. Made of a nonporous silicone that also provides vital friction, the Pixie holds its own against the clit without becoming too slippery. Pixie is waterproof, making it a good toy for the shower or for internal play. Just make sure you clean it thoroughly afterwards!

The Pixie also comes with a nubby elastomer cover that can turn it into a vibrating cock ring that can be used on a cock or fingers.

At $20.99, the Pixie is a little pricier than other bullets, but for the higher quality materials and additional features it’s worth it. One factor to keep in mind with any vibrator is how quickly they use batteries. A $5 vibe that eats up a new set of AA’s with each use will quickly become more expensive than the $25 bullet whose batteries don’t need to be changed for months.

The Pixie has four speeds and when I first turned it on I expected a really strong vibration at the highest speed, but that’s not what I got. It was strong enough (and maybe my batteries weren’t too fresh) but I was surprised that I had to keep it turned on “Super” for the duration.

Though it only comes with one bullet, the Pixie has two jacks so that you can plug in another bullet if you have a friend to play with or just want to use two hands. The removable bullet also makes cleaning easier and eliminates those embarrassing, “What’s that buzzing inside my suitcase?” moments at airport security.

One of the marks of a higher quality bullet is its volume: lots of the cheaper ones seem designed to allow for maximum rattling and therefore zero privacy if you live with someone else. The Pixie isn’t totally silent, but it’s quieter than some other bullets I've used.

Bullet vibes are different than shaft-shaped ones; they can be inserted and pushed against the G-spot but are primarily intended to use on the clit. Try the Pixie inserted into the vagina with a butt plug to keep it in proximity to the G-spot and plug in another bullet to the second jack for the clit. Just an idea.

Q: Did God intend for pussy to taste like passionfruit? A: Ew. No.

New review is up!

With so many high-quality sex lubes out there today, it can be difficult for a newcomer to differentiate itself from its shelf-mates. O’My has entered the fray with a wide variety of lubes: silicone and water-based, flavored and “natural.”

First, the “natural” flavor. Where a lot of unflavored lubes go wrong is by including some ingredient that, while not a “flavor,” leaves a nasty taste in your mouth or a smell on your hands that kills the mood. My favorite lube, Maximus, tastes like tonic water and kind of makes your tongue go numb. Not hot.

O’My’s Natural Lubricant is great: It’s thick enough for both vaginal and anal play and it smells like aloe, not chemicals. It comes in a pretty, teardrop-shaped purple bottle that passes the bedside table test: the label says “natural” and nothing else. Unless someone looked closely, they’d think that nice bottle by your bed is hand lotion.

Since it’s water-based, O’My Natural doesn’t stain sheets and washes out easily. The pump top can be turned so that it is securely closed and packable. The 4 oz. bottle costs $13.95, which is kind of pricey but the subtlety of the bottle makes it a good investment.

I confess to being completely averse to flavored lubes in general; unless they’re being used over a piece of latex, strawberry or coconut just doesn’t taste good when added to the natural taste of someone’s private parts. I'm not really sure I actually understand under what circumstances they're supposed to be used. I get flavored condoms for blow jobs, but why do you need lube, too? And flavored lube on pussy is wretched, people. Trust me.

As far as flavored lubes go, O’My’s Strawberry Cheesecake and Passion Fruit are good. Each of these lubes is slightly less sticky than the Natural, meaning that they probably wouldn’t be very good for anal play. O’My’s flavored lubes are all sugar-free, which means that they won’t stick to your skin like candy and won’t cause nasty yeast infections which traditional flavored lubes are known to.

The Strawberry Cheesecake tastes like a strawberry Jell-O shot and the Passion Fruit tastes like liqueur. Neither of these flavors is bad, but I personally wouldn’t want to add them to sex. Perhaps the Girls Gone Wild people should invent a GGW shot for which a girl licks some flavored lube off some other girl's nipple and then takes a swill of tequila.

Strawberry Cheesecake’s bottle is the same as the Natural, but red; Passion Fruit is orange. The name of the flavor is the only text on the bottle, so these lubes also pass the bedside table test.

In addition to these three types, O’My has flavored lubes in Melon, Cappuccino, Cherry, Kiwi Strawberry, Blueberry Cheesecake, and Pina Colada. Why not have a tasting party? Where are you, Girls Gone Wild?

Newsbites: Friends with benefits, Gay Navy, etc.

Researchers at Michigan State University have done the first (tiny, unrepresentative, pretty useless) study on "friends with benefits." The study found that, duh, someone in the relationships is almost always afraid of one partner becoming more emotionally attached than the other. The New York Times article can be found here.


And in other news, gay porn found on a Navy Officer's computer will be used as evidence against him at trial.

Gay Porn Allowed as Evidence in Navy Trial

A military judge has ruled that gay adult content on a Navy physician’s personal computer can be used as evidence against him to support charges that he secretly recorded midshipmen from the Naval Academy having sex at his home in Annapolis.

By Popular Demand: The 10 Steps to a Successful Anal Encounter

Go-To Girl assumes that when normal people have dinner parties they don't sit around the table with their closest friends explaining how to successfully have anal sex. But, hey, anything for you guys!

Ethically speaking I have to say that I learned (almost) everything I know from Tristan Taormino, author of The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women.

While I have written several times about anal sex in this column, my readers (read: dinner party guests) are begging for an explicit and authoritative account of the 10 Steps. So, here goes.

1. Buy a bottle of lube.

2. Put it under your pillow.

3. When going down on your partner covertly lube up a finger. (9 times out of 10 the friend-cum-reader who's asking is male with a female partner, but the same applies if it's some other combination of partners or a female partner who wants to peg her man)

4. Touch the rosebud lightly; eventually you should be able to feel it relax and it will open up slightly.

5. Put your fingertip in. Delicately!

6. Assuming your partner doesn't say, "What the fuck are you doing?"* bring them to orgasm with your finger in their ass.

7. Snuggle and whatever and say something like, "That was so hot." Hopefully they'll agree and say something like, "I don't know if this sounds weird, but that felt soooo good!"

8. Repeat steps 3-7 until you can comfortably get 3 fingers in. This will probably take a few days.

9. When you and your partner have decided that you're ready to go forward with a cock-in-ass situation, warm up first with some fingerplay. Add more lube!

10. Covering your cock (flesh or silicone) with a ridiculous amount of lube (you should put on so much lube that you think, "Surely no one could ever need this much lube." And then add more.) go forth and fuck appropriately.

Notes:

While not mandatory if you and your partner are STI-free, condoms are a good idea for health reasons and because...well...what goes up must go down. Keep that in mind.

Do NOT use baby oil or any other oil-based lube. Or flavored lube. I like Maximus.

My dinner party guests were not in agreement about whether or not one should mention anal curiosity beforehand; I think, honestly, that once you get to be a certain age it's okay to try certain things without asking. Obviously "No" means "No," but your chances of success are better if you finger first and get told "No" (or, hopefully, "Yes!Yes!YES!!!") later.

*If this happens, you might be shit out of luck.