Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Economic Meltdown Special:
Don't Get Pregnant

Don't let this be you.

Okay, readers. Time to get serious. The economy is in total fucking crisis and soon the financial system will join health care on our list of Systems? We don't need no stinkin' systems! Social Security, welfare, and education may also soon be added.

So since there may very soon be no money, insurance, or oxygen, it's time to get serious about preventing unintended pregnancy until, at least, 2012.

For guys, that means condoms. All the time. I know, I know, they make sex "feel different." And you really find the "Magnum more comfortable." I got it. But $1 per condom < child support for 18 years. And considering that we may all very soon be moving to China to harvest crops, having a kid to deal with (or send money back home to) would be a disaster.

For gals, several options. I've written before about how I'm wildly in favor of the IUD, and I think the the method's long-term (5, 7, or 10 years) use makes it a great depression-weathering investment.

The Pill, the Nuva Ring, the Patch, and the rest of those monthly methods are great, but they're going to seem financially out of reach when we're all standing in bread lines and wearing barrels.

So if you've got a couple hundred bucks in your savings account (assuming your bank hasn't folded yet), take it out and stock the hell up on condoms. Considering that sex is one of the few comforts available in economic depressions, we're gonna need 'em. And since the majority of condoms (except for Trojans) are manufactured overseas, with our new trade deficit and worthless currency there might not be any condoms left before too long. And then you can sell 'em at a markup. Goooo, free market!

1 comment:

Neil Sinhababu said...

I'm also eating a whole bunch of soy.