Hello, it's polyANDRY!

I'm not sure what to think of this ad campaign--nor can I figure out what it's an ad campaign for. But I love the idea of a glamorous lady with 5 husbands! The fake organization is called "Pals of Polygamy* LLC." It's a travel website, clearly, but who? Travelocity? Orbitz? Hotwire?



*When a woman has more than one husband, it's called "polyandry." Duh.

Viagra in Sports: Who Knew?

From today's Times, further proof that Viagra is the craziest, most super-human substance on the planet: studies are being done to find out whether taking the little blue pill gives athletes unfair advantages.

“Basically, it allows you to compete with a sea level, or near-sea level, aerobic capacity at altitude,” Kenneth W. Rundell, the director of the Human Performance Laboratory at Marywood, said of Viagra.

I'm not going to go into why the whole 'sea level' thing is kinda dirty sounding, but what about the huge, 4-hour boners the dudes will get while they're cycling/running/swimming?

What's next, Viagra turns you into Superman?

Q: Is an IUD a sexually transmitted disease? A: No

The Paragard IUD

Dear Go-To Girl,

What's an IUD? I met this girl who said she had one and I got freaked out. Does that mean she has warts on her hoo-hoo?

Love,
All I got was "Abstinence"


The Mirena IUD

Dear AA,

You poor thing. You missed a golden opportunity because the intrauterine device (IUD) is actually the most effective birth control method available! You could've banged away to your heart's content. But, alas, these devices are relatively uncommon in the U.S. and with the state of sex education, it's no surprise that you thought "IUD" meant "disease."

Here's the deal: an IUD is a small, T-shaped device that is inserted into the uterus through the cervix (ouch!). There are two IUDs available and they work slightly differently: The Paragard has copper wire wrapped around it that affects enzymes in the uterus, making it a hostile environment for any fertilized eggs. The Mirena releases a tiny amount of progesterone that prevents ovulation.

Now for the mysterious part: the presence of either IUD in the uterus essentially makes the body think that since there's some foreign object inside, that it can't support a pregnancy. I know that sounds crazy, but it's true.

The IUD is more effective than sterilization. Seriously. The Paragard lasts at least ten years (but you can keep it in longer) and the Mirena lasts five years. They're pretty pricey to start with if your insurance doesn't cover the device (like $200 or so) but spread out over five or ten years, they're the cheapest method out there.

The IUD has a little piece of string (fishing line, basically) that hangs out through the cervix so you can make sure it's still in place. If you contract an STI and don't get treated, this string slightly increases the risk of pelvic inflammatory disease which can, if untreated, lead to infertility. So use condoms, get tested, get treatment if you wind up with an STI.

Side effects include cramping (which, with the Mirena, is more mild than Paragard) and heavier periods, but that's it. None of that birth control pill weight gain or libido loss or generalized craziness. Some women expel the IUD but that's a pretty uncommon occurrence.

If you want to get an IUD, you'll probably have to convince your doctor that you've done your homework. So research the Paragard here and the Mirena here. And if you decide it's the right method for you, don't take no for an answer.

Love,
Go-To Girl (I Heart Paragard)

Did Jesus Die for Anal? The Father-Daughter Purity Ball is Back!

Puke, vomit, retch, blech, ugh, I hate it.

I've written about so-called "Father-Daughter Purity Balls" before, and this new website (thanks, S, for the tip) is just as gross. Here's the "pledge" the fathers take in front of God, their daughters, and eachother:

I, (DAUGHTER'S NAME)'S FATHER, CHOOSE BEFORE GOD TO COVER MY DAUGHTER AS HER AUTHORITY AND PROTECTION IN THE AREA OF PURITY. I WILL BE PURE IN MY OWN LIFE AS A MAN, HUSBAND AND FATHER. I WILL BE A MAN OF INTEGRITY AND ACCOUNTABLITY AS I LEAD, GUIDE AND PRAY OVER MY DAUGHTER AND MY FAMILY AS THE HIGH PRIEST IN MY HOME. THIS COVERING WILL BE USED BY GOD TO INFLUENCE GENERATIONS TO COME.

We all know how effective pledges are when it comes to things like abstinence (not at all), allegiance to the flag (totally meaningless), giving money to NPR (not 100%), and so on, so I have low expectations of fathers standing up in front of a group of other douchebags and promising that they won't cheat on their wives (!) or look at internet pornography (!!). Not to mention all the creepy, patriarchal, ownership language included in the pledge.

After the fathers take their "pledges" the daughters go up to the front of the room, where there's a cross (obviously, because Jesus hates premarital sex), "The daughters silently commit to live pure lives before God through the symbol of laying down a white rose at the cross."

The rose is white. Because they're all virgins. Get it?

Here's a nice reminder from one of the Father-Daughter Purity Ball Founder's seven (!) children, Khrystian:

Purity that sets us free starts with repentance to our Lord who died to forgive us. Can he forgive us for last night? Of course. His sacrifice covers us. Can He forgive us of last week? Yes, of course. He shed His blood for that.

So then it is okay to have premarital sex? Because Jesus shed His blood for that? I'm sorry, Purity People, but the Jesus I know and love is pretty tied up with actual human suffering to be bothered with your "purity."

But I do have one question--did Jesus die for anal?

Partied too hard last night? Picked up the Clap?

Found out the hard way that yes, you are at risk for gonorrhea? Can't face calling up the last person you had sex with to tell them the news?

Send them an anonymous e-card from InSpot.org!

The site provides local resources for testing and treatment, but anyone can send a card to inform past (or current) partners that they might be at risk for an STI.

This is especially good for the guys who say, "I don't need to use condoms. My girlfriend is on the pill." They'll find out the hard way that the pill doesn't provide protection from STIs. Duh.

America: Fuck Yeah

Seriously.

Wake Me Up When It's All Over

Sorry that I can't muster up much today--I'm totally freaking out about the election and am going to turn my brain off until tomorrow. At which point I'll either rejoice or begin making plans to move to France. Oui!

My good pal Mark Regnerus, sociologist extraordinaire at the University of Texas at Austin, is prominently featured in an article in this week's New Yorker entitled "Red Sex, Blue Sex."

Basically, more red-state, evangelical teenagers have sex earlier (we call it "debut") and get pregnant and then get married, because there isn't much else in their future. No surprise there. And then those marriages are more likely to end in divorce relative to blue staters. But here's the question no one can answer: who is actually having better sex?

Go read it. It'll twist your mind up.