The Inspirational Office Poster to End Inspirational Office Posters

Thanks to my friend Jamie for this photo.

Q: My new guy has facial hair and I hate it! A: Suck it up.

Dear Go-To Girl,
I met this new guy and he's got facial hair, which I kind of hate both aesthetically and in terms of making out. What to do?

Likes it shaved,

Jenny

Dear Jenny,

I totally sympathize with you on this one. I can't stand facial hair. In my case, I'm fairly confident there's some Oedipal cause--I've never seen my father's face as it's been covered by a full beard since he was about 24.

That said, I think ladies have about as much authority to demand a facial-shave as guys do a lady-shave. (Which is to say none, guys) But since you get to see a guy's face before a guy gets to see your parts (most of the time, anyway), if you really don't like facial hair, you wouldn't have been attracted to this guy in the first place. So maybe you're not as grossed out by facial hair as you think you are.

Me, I like a guy who hasn't shaved for, like, 5 days. The hair isn't mean and scratchy to Go-To Girl's soft, delicate skin at that point, but they don't look all bearded and caveman-ish.

So, to answer your question, here's what you should do: make out with him with hair. If you really can't stand the way it feels against your skin, ask him to shave. But he might say no.

Love,
GTG

PS-Guys, a goatee is never acceptable. Y'all should rise up against the douchebag that has tricked men into thinking that this is not only an acceptable but an attractive way to cover one's face. Yuck.

More Circumcision Nonsense

File this one under "What About the Fucking?"

From BBC News:
Circumcision Does Not Curb Sex

Besides the hilarious and awkward translation of "curb" from British English to American English, this article is about the leaders of the Ugandan circumcision-as-HIV-prevention-method study (who are people I know, by the way) attempting to assuage fears that circumcision, even if it is an effective HIV prevention method, will significantly effect sexual experiences of adult (!) men who undergo the procedure.

"Our study clearly shows that being circumcised did not have an adverse effect on the men who underwent the procedure when we compared them with the men who had not yet received surgery," said Professor Ronald Gray, who led the study.

One thing to remember here, though: the head of the uncircumcised penis is super sensitive because it is covered by foreskin almost all of the time. The loss of sensation due to removal of the foreskin would increase over time as the nerve endings are more and more exposed to fabric of clothes, the elements, whatever. So they should really ask them a few years out about sexual pleasure changes--most males who undergo circumcision as infants have about 15 years to dull the head of the penis before they use it for sex.

Some 98.4% of the circumcised men reported satisfaction, compared to 99.9% in the control group.

In terms of ability to penetrate, 98.6% of the circumcised group reported no problem, compared with 99.4 of the non-circumcised group.

However marginally more circumcised men - 99.4% - reported that they had no pain during intercourse, compared with 98.8% of the other group.

Again--the above questions are about overall pleasure; none of them specifically ask if they experience more or less sensation in the penis, which is the risk you face with circumcision. As much as I respect these scholars and trust their judgment, when it comes to actually talking to people about the sex that they're actually having, doctors usually miss the mark. Sigh.

Important disclaimer for Amurrica: Circumcision is not an effective HIV prevention method in developed country contexts (i.e., the U.S. and Europe). Don't go thinking that if you're circumcised you're not at risk for HIV and if you're uncut, don't go getting circumcised. Please.

Log Cabin Republicans, Take Note: The Initiation of Gay Men

University of Michigan Professor David Halperin. Don't look too close--he might make you gay!

Thanks to Kels for this tip:

The University of Michigan is offering a course this spring called "How to be Gay: Male Homosexuality and Initiation."

Promising to be both an examination of and an introduction to the initiation process itself, the course:

In particular, we will examine a number of cultural artifacts and activities that seem to play a prominent role in learning how to be gay: Hollywood movies, grand opera, Broadway musicals, and other works of classical and popular music, as well as camp, diva-worship, drag, muscle culture, taste, style, and political activism.

The instructor, David Halperin, has been subject to lots of criticism and even proposed legislation in Michigan to end his course by way of forcing the state to "scrutinize" funding for public universities. This article, from the University of Michigan Michigan Daily talks about the controversy.

Obviously, you can't teach someone how to be gay. But you can teach them to participate in gay life effectively. Log Cabin Republicans, take note. Perhaps Halperin could be the keynote speaker at your annual convention.

Victoriana Alert: HPV Vaccine Causes Fainting!

I'm not making this up. From the Associated Press:

The groundbreaking vaccine that prevents cervical cancer in girls is gaining a reputation as the most painful of childhood shots, health experts say. As Austin Powers would say; "Ouch, baby. Very ouch."

And there's more:

During its first year of use, reports of girls fainting from vaccinations climbed, but it's not clear whether the pain of the cervical cancer vaccine was the reason for the reaction.

Doctors suggest the fainting may be due to "the needles," or -- wait for it -- "nervousness."

Fainting? Nervousness? Next thing we know women who get the Gardasil vaccine will be suffering from hysteria and nymphomania. Call the whambulance.

You May Exhale: Kels Made it to Court

Kels, those jail scrubs just don't flatter you.

via MTV.com:

Kels' judicial bullshit continued today when he arrived, as commanded, at his trial (20 minutes early, no less) only to have the hearing continued til Friday. When will these people stop wasting Kels' time?

More details have emerged regarding the reason behind Kels' delay:

There was "some snow" in Sacramento, where he had played a show earlier this week;

His buses were pulled over for driving "in excess" of 100 miles per hour;

The drivers hadn't had their required 8 hours of rest and had to stop.

The judge is even threatening to revoke Kels' bond, which would obviously bring the rousing success of his national tour to a tragic end. Come on, hater Judge Gaughan. Kels just wants to love you.

Breaking News: Arrest Warrant for Kels!

Item!

From the Chi-town Tribune:

R. Kelly missed a court date today due to a traffic snafu in Utah, and Assistant State Hater (Attorney) Shauna Boliker cut him no slack.

"It is an abuse of the process and disrespectful of the court and your honor for everyone who has come prepared to go," she said. "The leeway the court has given him to go on a 45-city tour, to do whatever he pleases. The very least he could do is be here for his appointed court date."

If I'm not mistaken the trial, which was originally scheduled for this past September, had to be put on hold because a certain Ms. Boliker had a baby.

Surely R. Kelly's marathon national tour deserves at least as much flexibility as Ms. Boliker's little baby.

Again: Kels is on trial for allegedly videotaping himself having sex with a girl who allegedly may have been 13 at the time of the taping. The girl in question, however, denies that she's the one on the tape.

I can't make this stuff up: The Global Orgasm for Peace

Really, people, I can't even dream up stuff this ridiculous. While vacationing in the secret Marin County town of Bolinas, California this weekend I came upon an article in the local paper about--wait for it--The Synchronized Global Orgasm for Peace.

The idea behind the Global Orgasm is that, apparently, some Scientist somewhere believes that the positive energy emitted after an orgasm could, if done on a mass global scale, really make peace in the world.

According to Scientists at the "Global Consciousness Project," which, apparently, exists:

Our minds influence Matter and Quantum Energy fields, so by concentrating our thoughts during and after The Big O on peace and partnership, the combination of high orgasmic energy combined with mindful intention for peace could reduce global levels of violence, hatred and fear.

Obviously, the Global Orgasm will take place on Solstice, which is to say, December 22nd. For those of you not currently residing in New Age La-La Land, solstice is both the shortest day of the year and a day that hippies believe has magical powers. Or whatever.

This is from the website:

WHO? All Men and Women, you and everyone you know.

WHERE? Everywhere in the world, but especially in countries with weapons of mass destruction and places where violence is used in place of mediation.

WHEN? Solstice Day - December 22, at 06:08 Universal Time (GMT)

WHY? To effect positive change in the energy field of the Earth through input of the largest possible instantaneous surge of human biological, mental and spiritual energy.

In case you'd like to participate (and, hey, it can't hurt), here are the times in America:

Washington, DC: Saturday, 1:08 am
Chi-town (I figure Kels can do plenty for world peace): Saturday, 12:08 am
San Francisco: Friday, 10:08 pm

Good luck, everyone. If the war is still going on come Sunday, I'll know ya'll didn't come hard enough.

Love,
GTG

Q: I bought "The Cone." I hate it. A: You're SOL.

Dear Go-To Girl,
I made a huge mistake. After my recent breakup, I desperately needed a new sex toy and I bought one without consulting you first. I got "The Cone." I hate it. What should I do?
Love,
Confused by the Cone

Dear CC,

I, too, am confused by The Cone. Every time I went to visit my friend who works at Babeland I would put my hands around it and wonder why anyone would spend $130 on a vibrating cone. There are a lot of vibrator shapes out there that manage to be both weird and orgasm-inducing, but a cone-shape isn't one I think of when I think of product success.
Since you can't return sex toys, I did some research into The Cone and here are my suggestions, which are based on the user comments at the Babeland site:

You have to sit on it.
Try out all the different vibrating options.
Use a second vibe for your clit. (I know, paying $130 for something that can't stand alone is infuriating)

If all else fails, clean it thoroughly and try to pawn it off on someone else.

Love,
GTG

The Verdict is In: "Double Up" Tour is Next Weekend's Go-To Show

OMG, y'all. My old pal Kels is on tour, perhaps for the last time. For those of you who don't think about R. Kelly day and night, he's got a court date for 5 child pornography charges set for the spring. Obviously, this is a bogus trial--but nevertheless, Kels might be...indisposed for quite some time and come out of prison singing about a totally different kind of "gettin' freaky in da club." If you catch my drift.

Next Saturday, December 15th, Kels will play at the Oakland Coliseum and I will be there. The reviews are in, like this one from Vibe, and they are overwhelmingly positive. Here's a link to the tour dates.

To paraphrase T.I.,

"If you've gotta man, try to leave him if you can [and come to the R. Kelly show]. I'm a flirt."

Teen Birth Rate Increases: What about abstinence?

From the New York Times:

Teen birth rates are up for the first time in more than 15 years. What does this mean? Well, it means that there is either more pregnancy overall or that a greater proportion of pregnant teens are choosing to give birth instead of having an abortion or, perhaps, a spontaneous miscarriage.

Or...it means that when they are told that questions about birth control are totally off limits in their abstinence-only sex ed class they aren't learning how to avoid getting pregnant.

But don't listen to me--listen to the "expert" at the Heritage Foundation, Robert Rector:

Robert Rector, a senior research fellow with the Heritage Foundation, said that blaming abstinence-only programs was “stupid.” Mr. Rector said that most young women who became pregnant were highly educated about contraceptives but wanted to have babies.

Right. Now listen to a real expert, my advisor at Columbia, John Santelli:

Teenage birth rates are driven by rates of sex, contraception and abortion. In the 1990s, teenage sex rates dropped and condom use rose because teenagers were scared of AIDS, said Dr. John S. Santelli, chairman of the department of population and family health at Columbia University.

And let's hear from Rector one more time:

Mr. Rector of the Heritage Foundation said that teenage and unmarried birth rates were driven by the same factors: young women with little education who are devoted to mothering but see no great need to be married.

Apparently they have "little education" overall but manage to be "highly educated" about birth control methods which they just choose not to use. Way to go, Heritage Foundation.

Rector is an idiot--why not send him an email and tell him so?

Q: Painful Pussy. A: Ouch!

Dear Go To Girl,

I have a question you might know the answer to.

I've been seeing a girl long-distance, so we don't get that many chances to hook up. After we've been having sex for a few minutes, she starts to have pain in her vagina. She's a very juicy woman, but maybe extra lube could help? I'm a bit bigger than most guys, and she commented that my big dick might be the issue. She was also in an accident 6 years ago where her pelvis broke and altered the angle of vaginal entry, so we need to really work at insertion. Any thoughts?

Many thank-you's.
-John

Dear John,

Ouch! There's nothing worse than obstacles to long-distance-relationship sex. Your girlfriend's problem could be vaginismus, a condition in which the vagina kind of seizes up and makes sex really painful. Usually, though, vaginismus is not due to the kind of injury your girlfriend had a few years ago (again, ouch!).

A couple of things to ask her about: does it hurt when she puts other stuff in her vagina, like tampons or fingers? And are you able to penetrate her at all? Vaginismus usually prevents sex altogether because the vagina becomes so tight.

To solve this problem, your girlfriend ought to see a gynecologist and figure out what's up. Vaginismus is usually caused by subconscious stressors that often have a psychological cause (like child abuse or rape) but the treatment, which usually consists of exercises of the PC muscles, might be helpful to her. She also might have something else inside her vagina, like a sore, that is causing pain when you have sex so she should get tested for STDs. Second, try to penetrate her with fingers only for a while and see if you can get her to relax and not feel the pain. It's probably not your "big dick" though--sorry. That's hardly ever the real problem.

If all else fails, try some different positions--I don't know much about pelvic fractures, but I bet some positions hurt more than others. And more lube is always a good idea!

Love,
Go-To Girl

Sex Secrets!

A fellow blogesse, Elicia Gonzales of SHE talk, is collecting sexy secrets a la the book Post Secret. Check out her blog and post a secret anonymously--and see if you can figure out which one is mine.

Q: Are there any condoms out there that don't suck? A: Found one!

Dear GTG,

I don't know what to do--I've met this guy and things are going great but I haven't used condoms in ages and I don't know which kind to buy. My corner drugstore has a dizzying array and I don't want to spend twelve bucks on rubbers that I end up hating after the first try. I don't like spermicide and I want them to be super thin. Any recommendations?

Rubbergirl

Dear RG,

While my normal advice when it comes to condoms is just "Yes!" I actually have a specific recommendation for you. I'm normally a Trojan girl (Ultra Thins, if you please) but I've discovered a condom that I just adore: The Kimono Type E. Kimono is a fantastic Japanese brand, and the Type E is the best yet. It's green (not its best feature) and has lots of ribs and dots that you can actually feel. The latex is so thin that it's as though it's not there at all.



When you're in the market for condoms, try to hit up a good sex toy store like Babeland or Good Vibrations that have samples out of the wrappers for you to feel. I like to take each condom between two fingers and rub them together--if you can feel heat between your fingers as you rub, you should be able to feel heat when you use them for sex. If you don't have such a store near you, go to the Babeland or GoodVibes website and order a selection of condoms--you can buy them individually and try them out til you find one you like.

Good luck!
Go-To Girl

Virginity is so hot right now

Loss Of Virginity More Humiliating Than Original Virginity

Virginia: Fuck Yeah!!!

Virginia Governor Tim Kaine continues kicking ass and taking names this week by eliminating Virginia's matching abstinence-only sex education funding. This step will end the federal government's AFLA funding to the state, too. This takes Virginia a few steps closer to being the state that will decide the 2008 election in favor of Democrats. Fuck yeah!

From the Washington Post.

Q: Blow-job dirty talk? A: Yes, but mind thy tongue

This Is The Point In The Blow Job Where I Have To Be Careful What I Say

Ordinarily, I am a candid, even verbose individual, but this is a particularly sensitive time for me, so I will try to remain brief. We have...

Word of the Day: Kakistocracy

No, I am not making this up.

Kakistocracy: A system of government in which the worst people are in power.

Obviously, this is now my favorite word. It's probably really pronounced "cackistocracy" but clearly needs to be pronounced "cockistocracy"

As in:

"What the fuck? Congress is allocating MORE money for abstinence-only? We are so under the thumb of a total kakistocracy."

Q: Is it time for straight people to adopt hanky code? A: Yes.

You might be saying, "What's hanky code?" I'm here to tell you. First, click on this link to go to an extremely comprehensive listing of different colored hankies one can wear to da club and what they mean to potential sex partners.

So go read the list and then try to translate the following scenario:

"Gettin' Freaky in the Club"

(Straight crowd is milling around the bar. Everyone has a hanky. WTF?)

(Jenny walks to the bar and catches the bartender's eye. He walks over and notices that she has a bright red bandanna tied around her neck.)

Bartender: "Hey there, Miss, what can I getcha?"

Jenny: "How about a Strawberry Cheesecake Lube Shot?"

Bartender: "Whaa?"

Jenny: "Exactly."

When you've figured out what code Jenny is wearing, write me and let me know. But seriously, wouldn't it make life easier if people generally adopted hanky code? It might take the guessing game out of hooking up if you knew in advance that the guy or gal you're taking home isn't into biting but is into hair-pulling before you're disappointed not to have marks? Put another way, hankies reveal a person's particular kinks (or lack thereof) and can save the time and heartache of being in a relationship with someone who is totally sexually lame.

And, for the record, my hanky collection includes red, navy blue, brown lace, and this cute fuschia one with owls on it. Oh, and I'm wearing a houndstooth dress.

Review: O'My "Pixie"

Bullet vibrators come in two grades: amateur and professional. A great introduction to the world of vibrators, many bullets are made of hard, smooth plastic and churn through batteries at a rapid clip.

For those for whom the bullet vibe becomes a regular in their sex toy arsenal, the hard, smooth plastic cheapies do not suffice. That’s where the higher-end bullets, like O’My’s Pixie, come in.

The Pixie comes in three colors—pink, blue, and purple, making it easy to coordinate--or contrast—-with the rest of the toys in your box. Made of a nonporous silicone that also provides vital friction, the Pixie holds its own against the clit without becoming too slippery. Pixie is waterproof, making it a good toy for the shower or for internal play. Just make sure you clean it thoroughly afterwards!

The Pixie also comes with a nubby elastomer cover that can turn it into a vibrating cock ring that can be used on a cock or fingers.

At $20.99, the Pixie is a little pricier than other bullets, but for the higher quality materials and additional features it’s worth it. One factor to keep in mind with any vibrator is how quickly they use batteries. A $5 vibe that eats up a new set of AA’s with each use will quickly become more expensive than the $25 bullet whose batteries don’t need to be changed for months.

The Pixie has four speeds and when I first turned it on I expected a really strong vibration at the highest speed, but that’s not what I got. It was strong enough (and maybe my batteries weren’t too fresh) but I was surprised that I had to keep it turned on “Super” for the duration.

Though it only comes with one bullet, the Pixie has two jacks so that you can plug in another bullet if you have a friend to play with or just want to use two hands. The removable bullet also makes cleaning easier and eliminates those embarrassing, “What’s that buzzing inside my suitcase?” moments at airport security.

One of the marks of a higher quality bullet is its volume: lots of the cheaper ones seem designed to allow for maximum rattling and therefore zero privacy if you live with someone else. The Pixie isn’t totally silent, but it’s quieter than some other bullets I've used.

Bullet vibes are different than shaft-shaped ones; they can be inserted and pushed against the G-spot but are primarily intended to use on the clit. Try the Pixie inserted into the vagina with a butt plug to keep it in proximity to the G-spot and plug in another bullet to the second jack for the clit. Just an idea.