Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Q: Do girls always like assholes? A: She's just not that into you.

(via voice mail)
Dear GTG,
Is it true that girls just like assholes? I mean, if girls like assholes, then does that mean that when girls like me it's because I'm being an asshole? And, conversely, if girls don't like me, does it mean that I'm not an asshole, and that some other guy is an asshole, and that she likes him and not me because I'm not an asshole? I don't get it. Can you help?
PS I love you

Dear Trevor,
Thanks! I'm flattered. This is the question that boys always ask about girls, and I think that the conventional wisdom holds that girls don't like assholes but really like nice guys but sometimes it just appears that they like assholes when a nice guy, like you, isn't getting any 'tang. But I'm here to challenge that notion with what might be a heartbreaking revelation: it's not that she likes assholes, it's that she's just not that into you. Sorry. I know that's hard to hear.
But let's examine the meaning of the word "asshole": according to, "asshole" means contemptible, stupid, horrible, irritating, detestable, or mean. None of those things are likable traits, so of course girls don't like assholes. They just don't like you, and you think that the guys they do like are assholes. But when girls like you and not some other guy, that other guy thinks you're an asshole. Am I blowing your mind yet?
Girls like confidence. And confidence, when you're feeling insecure, looks an awful lot like asshole. But it's not. And nice guys actively trying not to be assholes in order to win over the girl who likes the guy you think is an asshole not only don't finish last, they don't finish at all.
So keep your chin up. This girl won't come around, but the next one will.


Seth said...

I feel the need to point out that sometimes, being falible humans, girls do like assholes. Furthermore, some emotionaly messed up women go from asshole to asshole and wonder why they arent happy. yet another option is that asshole isnt a very holistic description of a person...a good friend of mine once dated someone who she knew had sexually assulted a friend of hers years previously because, I suppose, people are the sum of all their actions, not just one or two. all that being said...she's probably just not into you.

Go-To Girl said...

Point taken--there are definitely guys out there (and girls, for that matter) who really are assholes. And the majority of people don't like them, because they're assholes. But some people do seem to go from asshole to asshole.
But under normal, emotionally healthy circumstances, girls don't like assholes--they're just not that into you.