Oral Sex Week, Part 1: Q: Why does my cum taste bad? A: Quit smoking!

Hey GTG
Sorry ahead of time, if I offend anyone...I'd much rather turn someone on than shake their tree of instilled values.
Have you heard about some supplement out of europe, for men and women, called 'the ropes' ?
Do you know if certain types of foods or 'new age supplements' like the ropes effect the way ones' cum tastes?
I am pretty excited about meeting you, here!
Ciao
Tyler

Dear Tyler,
I've read about "The Ropes" in what I imagine is the only publication read by dudes dumb enough to buy their product: Maxim. Not only do these herbal supplements never work, the reason cum looks all stringy in porn is because it's [supposedly] not cum at all but an external source of, say, hand cream, spurted out at the opportune moment.
In terms of the taste of cum, the things that are known to make it taste gross are nicotine (smoking affects the way your whole body tastes. yuck), alcohol, and asparagus. So if you're consuming any of those on a regular basis, try to give up smoking*.
After you've quit smoking, start drinking lots of water every day and eating fruit consistently. I've always heard a girl's tale about pineapple juice.
The herbal supplement you're talking about, SweetenZe, is a great way to blow $50 if you're looking for a way to lighten your wallet.
In conclusion: quit smoking and start chewing on pineapple to satisfy your oral fixation.
Love,
GTG

*I know quitting smoking is hard, but isn't the promise of more blow jobs worth it? The SweetenZe people promise "5 to 10 times more oral sex!!!!" and their product costs just about as much as Nicoderm.