Tuesday, March 25, 2008

This Just In: "Men's New Sexual Needs"

For all of you ladies and gents out there with boyfriends who've been wondering, "Gosh, I think I'm keeping my man satisfied, but what if my BF had new sexual needs?" This month's Glamour has the answer.

"Men's New Sexual Needs" include:

To please you, like, really please you.

Translation: Make you come. Every time. The pressure's on, people! But as Sally said, "Its just that all men are sure it never happened to them and all women at one
time or other have faked it so you do the math." Sorry guys.
"The benefit of your experience."

But keep quiet about it, especially if you're a girl. We want to experience your...experiencedness, but please don't tell us how many people you've fucked. Yikes.
"To try anything at least once."

We mean anal.
"Some nights, plain old vanilla."

Particularly if we've been taken to task by a kinky girl and are feeling sensitive about our abilities. And "Porn makes me...want non-porn parts of a relationship, like cuddling and holding hands."

Excuse me while I go to the vomitorium.

More at glamour.com.


Neil Sinhababu said...

On the upside, there was this sentence:

"And what if a woman has had a lot of partners? No one seems to care."

Which isn't exactly true in my case -- I tend to get kind of fascinated with sexually accomplished women, and to me it seems more awesome to be #100 than #1 -- but at least it's a move in the right direction.

Neil Sinhababu said...

Oh, and the sentence about dudes liking it when a woman knows what she wants us to do. Because we do, and I imagine that that's a good thing.