What I'm Listening To

Summer is a time of sensuality and sitting on the beach in a bikini reading Thug-a-licious just wouldn't be as hot if I didn't have a bunch of sweet-ass music to listen to.



First up: "Double Up" by R. Kelly.
To all the haters who constantly remind me that R. Kelly may or may not be on trial for peeing on a 13 year old girl (or something): this man doesn't give a fuck what you think about his sexual exploits. And neither do I. R. Kelly has not shied away from his sexual side just because he may or may not have committed statutory rape by way of golden showers.

"Double Up" opens with the defiant "The Champ" that has a clear "Fuck Y'all" message and goes right into the title track that features, appropriately, Snoop Dogg. The message of "Double Up" is that ladies at the club shouldn't worry about going home with Kels or Dogg just because their friend is with them; she can be easily accomodated, too. Kels has room for a "freak in the front and a freak in the back." Threesomes, people.

For the most part Kels' lyrical style is hyper-literalism, along the lines of "Leave Your Name" and "Flirt." R. Kelly wants to fuck you (or your chick) and he will stop at nothing to achieve his goal. He will flirt with your girl, give her his number, fuck her like you can't, eat that pussy like you won't, and generally show her a better time than anyone on the planet. And, he reminds you, he can do this because he is "The King of R and B," an real playa, a balla, makin' the real paper, and so on.

But Kels is not a one trick lyrical pony: he uses metaphor beautifully in tracks like "The Zoo" and "Sex Planet" that feature lines like:

"I've got you so wet/it's like a rainforest/like Jurassic Park except that/I'm your sexasaurus" (insert monkey sounds here [seriously])--"The Zoo"

"I'm about tickle and touch your soul/Once I enter into your black hole...Girl I promise this will be painless, painless/We'll take a trip to planet Uranus" --"Sex Planet"

The entire album isn't about fucking, at least not directly: it's also about being famous (and all the girls Kels is fucking as a result), having a baby (presumably due to fucking), the Virginia Tech massacre (and how R. wants to fuck their pain away), dating the same girl as a close friend (who, I think, both Kels and Usher are fucking), getting a quality girl to hook Kels up with a quality friend (so he can fuck her), being on a girl's ringtone (because he's fucked her), reggae music (because they love fucking him in Jamaica), trying to get a phone number (so he can fuck her), looking for a "main chick" or a "potential wife" (to fuck, also), getting freaky in the club, and so on.

As a cautionary note, should anyone be confused about the potential uses of this album, "Double Up" should absolutely not be used as music to fuck by. Having sex and listening to R. Kelly at the same time is the carnal equivalent of "crossing the streams" and I think it's really possible that one might die from doing so.

Buy this album. Immediately.

Love,
G-Pain (aka Go-To Girl)

PS-I'm also listening to "Infinity on High" by Fall Out Boy. A lot. And "Thunder, Lightning, Strike" by The Go! Team.