Monday, July 30, 2007

Q: I don't want to sound conceited or anything, but I really think Magnums are more comfortable. A: Riiight.

Dear Go-To Girl,

I don't want to sound like a douchebag, but I really think that the Magnum condoms are more comfortable. I never thought that I was that big, but hey, can't argue with an unbiased product, right?

Hope to see you soon,
Apparently Magnum Size, PhD

Dear Dr. AMS,

Wow! Congratulations on your discovery. You'd be amazed how often guys tell me this. I'm sure the guys around the sandbox will be pumped to hear about how you "have" to use Magnums. Maybe you should have a contest to see who can pee the farthest.

But seriously. Not to burst your bubble, but there's some bad news here. The base of a Magnum condom--the part that most guys complain is too tight on regular condoms--is exactly the same size as a regular Trojan condom*. I can't tell you why I know this, but I guarantee that it's true. So just because you find the Magnums more comfortable doesn't mean that you're bigger than average.

Straight cylinder Ultra Thin

The difference between the Magnum and, say, the UltraThin is that the condom is shaped like a baseball bat, so it's wider at the top whereas a traditional condom is the same circumference at the bottom and the top. I think that the reason it feels less tight at the base is because loosening up a condom at one end probably allows more blood flow in the penis overall and makes you feel less...suffocated in there.

Baseball-bat shaped Magnum

Some 90% of people's interpretation of and satisfaction with penis size is psychological, so if buying Magnums makes sex feel better for you and provides you with some advantage with the ladies (or dudes, as the case may be) then go forth and fuck appropriately. But you're not the only guy trying to play the Magnum card, pal. Sorry.

Love Always,
Go-To Girl (Aka Mrs. Magnum)

* The Magnum XL is actually slightly bigger at the base.

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