Kelly Trial Update: Anal is the New Threesome

Lest you believe the R. Kelly trial would be "speedy," in concordance with our dear Constitution, I'm sorry to report that the trial has been delayed, again. The prosecution's "star witness," who will reportedly testify that she had a threesome with Kelly and the allegedly underaged alleged victim on the tape, has been rescheduled for Monday.

First of all, who cares if they had a threesome? This supports my theory that this trial is not about child pornography or statutory rape but about dangling the sexual peccadilloes of an extremely forthcomingly sexual (and, by the way, black) star. White stars never seem to have trials in which their sexual tastes are paraded around to sway public opinion and juries. I don't recall the canon of sex tapes of white famous people (Paris, Pamela, Kim Kardashian, etc.) ever leading to charges, in spite of actually illegal activities like, say, drug use happening on the tape.

The prosecution is so mired in the past that they're mistaken if they think a threesome will convince the jury that, through whatever convoluted logic they'll use, R. Kelly was actually the guy on the tape. Threesomes are passe and, duh, there are only two people on the tape.

As it happens, the defense's "surprise" witness, the ex-boyfriend and baby daddy of the prosecution's star, will testify next week and looks an awful lot like R. Kelly. I'll venture to guess that he's going to testify that it's him on the tape, not Kells.

And, by the way, anal is the new threesome.